A Letter to Mom

Mother’s Day – 2019

Dear Mom,

Christopher and I met some time ago and mapped out a project to honor your memory. I have written a few things that will be included in it. Some of them have appeared here on my blog page. I’ve gone through pictures and have picked out favorites. I have other ideas as well, and eventually, we will produce and publish it.

The night Chris and I talked about this project, we exchanged ideas of what we could do. One of my favorite ideas he suggested was to write you a letter. You would think that it would be extremely easy to sit down and write to you, but this one simple idea has turned out to be the most difficult of them all! I have started letters to you more than once, but I cannot seem to be able to finish them. Today, I am going to write this! Through tears and pain, today, I will complete this letter!

Today will mark the 13th Mother’s Day that has passed since you passed away. I won’t even begin to pretend that it gets easier. It doesn’t – I wish you were here. I wish I could once again tell you in person, how grateful and how thankful I am that YOU were chosen to be my mother. I wish you knew how happy it made me growing up to know I was making you proud of me. You were my biggest cheerleader and there have been SO many times that I have needed you since you have been gone.

So many things have changed over the years. There have been countless times that I have wanted to call you. There have been so many times I needed to hear your voice. I have needed your guidance and advice more times than I can count. Before making big decisions, I have found myself asking, “What would mom say about this?” The longing to be able to share just one more conversation with you is ever present, and never seems to go away.

I have been told by so many people that you would be proud of me. I believe that. I graduated college, mom! All those times you told me to go to school and get a degree and I kept playing around on the radio … I’m sure it drove you crazy! Well, I now have that degree! I worked hard for it and earned it – knowing the whole time that it was what you and dad always wanted me to do. Even though you were not there physically, I felt you there in spirit. As I addressed the entire graduating class – I pictured you there, smiling and proud. When I mentioned you in my speech, it was the only time I thought I might break down.

You won’t believe this, but Dante’ is 17 now! He is in high school now! I don’t even know where the time went, mom! He’ll graduate next year! I remember you telling me how fast I grew up and how you couldn’t believe I was graduating…I completely know how you felt. He is quite the young man, mom. He is so friggin’ smart! He has made such an impact on his teachers and friends. They all talk of what a joy he is. He is polite and a gentleman. He is always going out of his way to help people by holding the door and things like that.

You’ll be happy to know that he wants to do something with trains when he graduates. I would venture a guess that it is probably because of that day you took him to the Day Out With Thomas the Tank Engine! He STILL talks about that day. It is a memory that he will never forget – and neither will I. He misses you, too. He never lets me forget your birthday, Mother’s Day, or the anniversary of your passing. We have spent many hours at your grave sharing memories, laughing and crying. He always makes sure that we stop and get flowers for you, when we visit. He will never forget the love you showed him, and you remain one of the most special people in his life – you made quite the impact on him in 4 short years. Both of us are glad that we have so many pictures of you two together!

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Remember that day we were all together at dad’s? You were trying to sleep and Dante’ was running around being loud? You laughed and I asked you what was so funny. Do you remember your response? I do. “I hope when you have your next baby that it is another boy. That way, you will know just what kind of stuff you and your brother put your dad and I through!” Well, and I have my suspicions that you played a hand in this, your wish came true. Dimitri was born shortly after you left us.

Blonde hair and blue eyes – I know you’d have spoiled him just as much as you did Dante’! Yes, they fight with each other, just like Chris and I did! There are many times I yell back to them in the car and I can hear you saying the same thing to Chris and me! It’s pretty amazing to put pictures of Chris and me next to pictures of the two of them – it’s crazy how much they look like us! Dimitri loves to sing and is in choir. He’s in middle school now and he’s quite compassionate. He is SO competitive and gives his all and hates to lose! He plays video games and gets into them much like you got into playing that pinball game at the Dugout!

He is always telling us how much he wishes he could have met you. He hears stories from Dante’ and he gets sad. He knows what an amazing grandma you were and he wishes that he could have share some memories with you, like his brother. I wish that he could have, too. I think that’s the only disconnect I have from him. Dante and I can talk about you and the times you shared together, but Dimitri gets sad, because he missed out on that, and that makes me sad, too.

I had a very difficult time after you passed away. There was quite the roller coaster of emotions I had to deal with. I was in a deep state of grief, trying to cope with your death and at the same time, there was the joy of the birth of Dimitri. Factor in the stress of the loss of another radio job, depression, and a variety of other issues and you can guess how messed up I was. I was taking all kinds of medications, altering the dosage, adding new ones and changing to different ones in hopes of finding a way to cope and to be happy. All that did was make me someone I was not. There are times I do not even remember saying or doing things. It took me many years to get through it and to address the issues I was facing. This meant doing some things that took me out of my comfort zone. This meant facing some hard truths about me and where I was in life. This meant severing ties with things and people that were holding me back and forcing me into a whirlwind of unhappiness. It was not a good place for me – or anyone else close to me.

I am ashamed to admit that I thought of ending my life. The unhappiness and depression were very bad. With help from therapy, I was able to look at some things in my life and make a very difficult decision. Divorce was not easy. Coming out on the other side, the true colors of those who I thought cared about me began to show. Rumors and untruths continue to be spread in an attempt to discredit me and make me look bad. You, of all people, know that I am far from perfect. However, it hurt to see how quickly people took sides and believed so many lies. It is hard to not let that bother me, but I have gained some powerful tools through therapy and true friends that have helped. I have been able to move forward.

Mom, all you ever wanted for me was to be happy. I am SO happy today. What I wouldn’t give for you to meet my wife, Sam. She is amazing. She is beautiful. She doesn’t take any crap from anyone! She does what needs to be done and doesn’t make rash decisions. You would like her a lot. She is supportive, honest, responsible, and loves me. I love her more that I could ever explain to you. She is one of the hardest working people I have ever met. She is a true blessing to me. She loves Dad, Rose, and the boys, too. It is because of her, that I am where I am today. She was a lifesaver, mom. She asks about you often and loves to hear me tell stories about you. I want you to know that she is taking good care of your boy, and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Because of all that has transpired, and where I am now, my relationship with Dad and Chris are stronger than they’ve ever been. We speak often on the phone and I have seen them more over the past two years than I probably did through that first marriage. Sam will often ask, “Have you talked to your dad? Did you call your brother?” It’s pretty amazing. She knows how things were in the past, and refuses to let that continue. While I am glad to have those relationships thrive, it makes me sad that I missed SO many things with you during that time. I should have stood up more and made sure we spent more time with you – I regret that so very much. For that, I am sorry.

It hurts to look back and know what I could have and should have changed. Hindsight is 20/20. Oh, the things I would have done different! I would have called more, mom. I would have made more time to come visit. I would have told you I love you, every chance I got. The list of “should haves” “could haves” and “would haves” is SO long!!! There are things that I wish I would have wrote down or asked you. So many things that left with you that I can only wish that I had asked about.

Oh, and before I forget to mention it – thanks for your letter. We found them almost a year after you left us. It was probably the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. Here was a letter to me that you had written years before Dante’ was born. “Know that I love you” was the first thing you told me. I think it probably took me 20 minutes to compose myself after reading that line. My eyes are welling up with tears right now as I remember it. Thank you for that. I have it, along with the tissue I wiped your tears away with on your last night here and other things that remind me of you. I only wish that you had been able to write something to Dante’ – I know he would treasure that as much as he treasures the photo book you made him with those pictures from Thomas the Train.

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13 years gone and yet it still seems like yesterday. So many holidays without you. So many birthdays. 13 Mother’s Days. I hope that you always knew how much I loved you and still love you. I hope you know how much I miss you. I hope you know that even though there were things we didn’t see eye to eye on everything, I was glad that God chose to make you my mom.

Thank you, mom, for all you gave me. Thank you for the many days you stayed home with me when I was sick. Thank you for the hours of phone calls containing laughter and tears. Thanks for the memories that will live on in my heart and soul. Thank you for putting band aids on cuts and scrapes. Thank you for singing off key in the car. Thank you for being such a wonderful grandma. Thanks you for your wisdom. Thank you for understanding hugs. Thank you for telling dad things I told you not to tell him. Thanks for every single thing you did for me – there is probably not enough room on the internet to list them all. Most of all, thank you for being my mom. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I miss you and will forever love you.

“See you later”

Love always, your son,

Keith

7 mos with Mom

“My mind knows you are gone, but my heart will never be able to accept it.”

Random Thursday Thoughts

There is no real theme to today’s blog.  Over the past 24 hours, I have jotted down a few thoughts in my notebook and I decided to put them all in one place.

Happy 17th Birthday, Dante’!

Last year, I wrote a blog for my son’s 16th birthday.  You can read it here:

https://nostalgicitalian.com/2018/04/11/sweet-16-already/

I have no comprehension of just where the time goes!  I mean, he just turned 16!  Has it really been 365 days already?!  Just yesterday, we were talking about how we’re going to need to rent a pavilion for his graduation party, ordering senior pictures, whether or not he’s going to want a class ring, and things like that.  It seems like yesterday that I was holding his hand as I walked him into his kindergarten class, and yet here he is about to be a senior!

He texted me at work yesterday and asked if he could call me.  I called him and he told me that he was watching the Simpsons and the episode made him think of me.  It’s the Stonecutter’s Episode.  In the episode, they are all seated around a table and they sing a song called “The Stonecutter’s Song (We Do).”  I have it on my iPod, and it is also the ringtone for my old radio boss, Brian, who is a big Simpsons fan.  Dante’ called me to sing the song to me on the phone and we had a very nice talk.  He had me smiling for the rest of the night.  I love that kid!  Happy Birthday, Dante’!  Can’t wait to celebrate with you this weekend!

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National Pet Day

I read that today is National Pet Day.  Growing up we always had dogs.  When I moved away for a radio job, I was given a cat to keep me company.  I think I’ve had a cat ever since.  I love dogs, don’t get me wrong, but with a cat, you can go away for a day or two and as long as they have food and water, they’re good.  We still talk about getting a dog in the future, but with us working long days, a dog would spend a lot of time cooped up in the house.

At any rate – in honor of National Pet Day, here are Maizey and Moe.

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Mortgage Company Followers?

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This bit is for my Word Press followers.  I seem to have a variety of mortgage companies or mortgage lenders who have begun to follow my blog.  Let me say this – I’m probably not going to post anything about real estate or mortgages on this blog, so you may as well unfollow me.  We are currently NOT looking for a new home, and I am wondering why my blog is so interesting to them.  I wonder if these accounts are fake.  I will get random notifications from Word Press saying that one of the said followers have “liked” one of my blog posts, usually one that was posted a while ago.  Anyone have any thoughts on this?

Conference Talk

Coming up in June, I am going to be a speaker at a Sleep Conference.  I am very excited about it, and had a nice discussion with my boss about it today.  We were tossing ideas back and forth and swapping ideas, which was extremely helpful.  It helped to be able to talk to someone who has already presented at a past conference.

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As a former radio guy, speaking in front of people has never been an issue.  For whatever reason, I had one of those “What the hell am I doing?” moments this week.  Usually, I am talking to a group of people who don’t know much about my topic.  At this conference, however, I am speaking to my peers.  I will be talking  to fellow technologists (many of who have been doing this longer than me), physicians (who know WAY more than I can even imagine), my coworkers, lab managers and DME company reps.  I’m not going to lie, I am intimidated.  I can only hope that I can present this in a way that excites my audience and informs them.  Oh, and I hope I don’t look like an idiot!

A Special Hello

I always share a link to new blogs on my Facebook page.  However, because I have friends who are still friends with people from my past, those posts were not made public to them.  A friend who was mentioned in a recent blog enjoyed it so much, he chose to share it on his Facebook page.  Because he and I went to the same school, and share many of the same friends, folks who I had intended not to see this page now can.

It’s really no big deal, if they get anything out of it, I hope they now see how very much my life has changed for the better and how happy I am.  I hope they read it and examine themselves and see just how judgmental they are.  I hope that realize the negative vibes that they bring about by their unhappiness.  If they want to surround themselves with hate, gossip, judgment, and find happiness in making others unhappy – so be it.  I’m glad that my life still interests you and will give you much to talk about.  Troll away – I am sorry for you sad existence.

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Have a great Thursday!

 

Tune Tuesday – Feelin’ Good

One of my followers asked how picked my songs for Tune Tuesday.  To be honest, I have no rhyme or reason for the songs that end up here.  Last week, I wrote about Marvin Gaye for his birthday, and the week before that it was Nat King Cole for his birthday.  Today, it just happens to be a song I heard while in my car this afternoon.  It also happens to be a song that fits where I am in my life right now.

In the past year I have been blogging, I have written much about weeding out negativity, and the positive changes that have happened in my life.  I have written about reaching a point where I thought of ending my life, only to come through dark times to find true love and true happiness.  This song totally fits where I am now –  Feeling Good!

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The Song

The song was written by singer, songwriter, and actor Anthony Newley for the musical “The Roar of the Greasepaint – The Smell of the Crowd”.  Despite being covered by many artists (including Traffic, The Pussycat Dolls, George Michael, Joe Bonamassa, and John Coltrane – just to name a few), prior to Michael Buble’s version, the best known version was by the amazing Nina Simone. She recorded it for her 1965 “I Put a Spell on You” album.  Her version was never released as a single, but became known because of a Volkswagen advertisement in 1994.

Michael Buble’

I was first introduced to his music from a friend of mine who worked at All Access.  Kelly knew I was a big fan of the “Great American Songbook”, and the music of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Billie Holiday, and other great vocalists.  We spent a lot of time talking music.  She sent me a copy of Buble’s debut album and I was pretty impressed.  I was not only impressed with his vocals, but I was impressed with his band and the arrangements of the songs.  When his next album, “It’s Time”, hit stores, I made sure to pick it up.

Feelin’ Good is the opening cut from the “It’s Time” album.  It was released as a single, coincidentally this month in 2005.  The song opens with a slow fade up, and Michael’s vocal.  It’s soft and smooth and then the band kicks in with a big bass line, a sloppy and bluesy brass line, and you are hooked.  Everything about the arrangement of this song is perfect.  I love Nina’s version, but after you hear Buble’s version, it sounds “unfinished”.  It sounds weak and like it needs a few more musicians.

Buble’ acknowledges the influences of Dean, Frank, Tony Bennett, and continues to keep those wonderful songs alive (as well as some originals of his own).  Many people think of him and think of his Christmas music, which is sad.  He has SO many great songs.

As I reflect on where I am now in my life, I have found a happiness that I never knew I could experience.  I have found a love that many only dream about.  Ask me how I am feeling, and I will tell you I am “Feeling Good!”

Feeling Good

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin’ on by
You know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
I’m feeling good
Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on the tree
You know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
Dragonfly out in the sun,
You know what I mean, don’t you know
Butterflies all havin’ fun,
You know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done, that’s what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
For me
Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
I’m feeling good
I’m feeling so good
I feel so good

 

The Beginnings of a Beautiful Friendship

Beginning

One year ago tonight, right about the time I am writing this blog, Sam and I posted a picture on Facebook of us in front of the “Welcome to Kentucky sign”.  We were on our way down to Florida for a vacation that would not only serve as a vacation, but also as our honeymoon.  Coincidentally, 4 years before that picture, we became Facebook friends.  With our first anniversary approaching, I thought I would write a few blogs that tells our story.

Baker College

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In June of 2013, I graduated from Baker College with my degree in applied science as a Polysomnographic Technology (Those two fancy words simply mean, I am a sleep technologist).  I became very good friends with the sleep instructors (Christine, Michele, and Angie).  I was asked by the program director if I would be willing to volunteer to tutor students in future classes if they needed help.  I told her that I would love to help out.

One of the hardest classes of the degree was Pharmacology.  This wasn’t your normal Pharmacology class.  Yes, you had to know the types of drugs, the names of drugs, what they did, and such, but you also had to know how these drugs affected a person’s sleep.  It was pretty detailed, and much of that information was not found in the books.  I was called and asked to meet with a small group of students from the current class.  I remember meeting up with them at the Tim Horton’s near the college.  Sam was among those in that group.

Sam and I actually met shortly before this.  I was doing my clinicals at a lab that worked with pediatric patients.  She brought 2-year-old Gracie to my lab and I actually ran her study!  She may have been the first pediatric patient I hooked up and ran on my own.

Well, over the next few months, I met with Sam off and on and went over stuff for the classes.  We prepped for tests and talked about working with kids and sleep related stuff.  When it was time for her to do her clinicals, she was placed at a lab that did not work with pediatric patients.  Sam wanted to work with kids, so there was one night she shadowed at my lab so she could observe, prior to starting her clinical rotation.  Sam graduated one year after me.

The “Unwritten” Rule

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Many sleep techs drive far to get to their jobs.  Many people who graduated in my class drive anywhere from 40-60 minutes to work.  It’s just the way it goes.  I currently drive 70 minutes, and Sam drives 50 minutes.  So, there is an understanding among people who work in sleep, an “unwritten rule” so to speak.  Basically, what it says is “Know who is working on nights you work.  If you are driving home in the morning and you feel like you are falling asleep, call someone you know is also driving home.  Talk each other home.”

Sam and I ended up working many of the same days.  It was not odd for either of us to call each other at 6:30 or 7:30 in the morning to “talk each other home.”  At first, it was a lot of shop talk – what kinds of studies we ran that night, crazy heart stuff we saw, or comparing notes on what equipment or mask worked best.  The more we talked, the more we learned about each other.  It was not odd to chat about my boys and her brothers.  There were times where she would even call to say she was taking her brothers swimming and wanted to know if my boys wanted to go as well.  We became very good friends.

It was not odd for us to run into each other at the college in the office of Christine, who was the Dean of the program, or at one of the sleep classes.  Sometimes, we even helped present review material or helped proctor tests.  At one time, there was talk of how we could all start our own sleep lab. Conversations involving Christine, Michele, Sam and I were often referred to as meetings of the “Collective Brain”.  The friendships that were made because of the sleep program go very deep and helped me through some very turbulent times.

Days of Trouble

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Without going into detail, I will just say that working the midnight shift had only added to problems I was going through at home.  The added stress affected me very much.  I was already suffering from depression and was just going through the motions and fighting the constant battle of trying to make ends meet.  The struggles were physically, emotionally, and mentally draining.  It was not something that I spoke about to many people.  There were plenty of fake smiles on social media, and I hid things very well.

The “Collective Brain” saw through much of this.  For example, one day I got a call from one of them while I was at the laundromat.  Our dryer had died months before and the budget didn’t allow for us to get a new one.  I received a call one day asking if I was going to be at home.  I stated that I was going to be home for a little while, and I was told that I had to  be home between 3:30p and 4:30p.  I asked why, and was told by one of the “brain” folks not to worry about it and to be there.  At about 4:15 a truck pulls in my driveway with a dryer in the back!  I was told that someone had paid for it and they were told where to deliver it.  These three friends, pooled together money and wanted to relieve a little of our stress and bought it for us!

There was another time where we were all just talking.  I was trying to work some overtime to try to make sure I had money to get the boys Christmas presents.  The stress must have shown, because the “brain” once again surprised me with a bag of Nerf guns, and other toys because “there is no way that your boys are not opening up presents on Christmas morning!”  You cannot even begin to know how humbled you can feel when you are the recipient of someone’s gracious giving heart.  They brought me to tears yet again.

Saved from the Darkest Days

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As the trials and tribulations continued at home, I found myself in an unhappy place.  I was feeling worthless.  I felt like the ultimate failure.  As I began to really sense all that was going on, there was this overwhelming feeling of emptiness.  I was worried, I was scared, and I felt like I had truly reached the end of my rope.

There are a few people who know this, but now I will publicly admit that I had reached a point where I was ready to end my life.  I didn’t know how I was going to do it.  I didn’t know when I was going to do it.  I had convinced myself that I was not doing anyone any good and that I was causing more trouble for people by being around.  Then, without knowing it, Sam said something that saved my life.

It was one of those “talk me home calls”.  She was tired and trying not to fall asleep.  I was driving home.  She innocently asked me about the boys and asked what we were doing with them over the weekend.  I don’t remember what it was, it probably wasn’t much.  After I told her, she replied with, “That sounds like fun.  Your boys are so lucky to have you as their dad.”

BOOM!  It was a punch to the stomach!  The ton of bricks hit me square on the head.  It was a shot of reality.  It was one simple sentence that made me realize that I could NEVER leave those boys!  It would be selfish and hurtful to even consider it anymore.  What kind of dad would do something like that and leave his sons to wonder “why”?!  NO!  That option, which should have never been an option, was officially off the table! She saved my life.

I had no choice but to move forward!  Dark days became darker.  Struggles became more difficult.  Arguments, disagreements, more arguments, and irreconcilable differences led me to divorce.  There was a brief period where I tried to co-exist, but the tribulations continued and I was told to leave the house.

In another “talk me home” call with Sam, I asked nonchalantly if she knew of anyone who had an apartment or room to rent.  She asked my why and I told her.  Without missing a beat, she told me that she had a spare room in her house that her brothers used when they came over every other weekend.  She told me that if I didn’t mind sleeping on a bunk bed, I was welcome to stay with her until I found a place.  She said I could sleep on the couch when her brothers were there.  I asked her how much she would want me to pay her to stay and her response was simply, “Keith.  You’re my friend.  You need a place to stay.  Every so often, help buy some groceries or toss a few bucks toward the electric or water bill.  I’ll help you in any way I can”

“I’m on my way from misery to happiness …”

this-way-to-happiness

In the months that followed, we spent lots of time together.  She helped me with so many difficult decisions.  She was a voice of reason, a true friend, a shoulder to cry on, and was always honest and supportive.  It was apparent to both of us that we really enjoyed each other’s company.  The more time we spent with each other, the more connected we felt.  As feelings continued to grow, we began dating.

What an amazing feeling to live life with someone who doesn’t judge you, belittle you, insult you, make false accusations of you, spread gossip, or is not happy unless they are making others unhappy.  To be free of the judgement and negativity and to actually feel special, loved, and important was all new to me – and wonderful!

She saved my life.  She changed my life.  This beautiful friend and I fell in love at a time when I never expected it, but then again, isn’t that when they say you truly find love?!  I was experiencing joy that was so unexpected and astonishing that I decided I had better make sure we were going to be together forever …

…that story will be in the next blog.

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Reflections on “Blog Year One”

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One of my Facebook friends noted on his page that this weeks marks the 100th birthday of comedian Red Buttons.  Red was known for his “never got a dinner” and “I was there” bits which he did frequently at celebrity roasts.  I remembered that last year, on his birthday, I blogged about Red and included many of my favorite “never got a dinner” lines.  It was one of the first blogs I wrote when I started this Word Press Blog.  It’s hard to believe that this blog is over a year old!

The beginnings

When I began this blog, I really didn’t have any idea of what it would be.  In my head, I thought that I might blog about some things I liked.  I also knew I would probably write about some favorite memories.  I might also write tributes to important people in my life or just random thoughts to help me deal with emotions or life situations.

This blog was meant for me.  It was to be a “sort of” therapy for me.  I envisioned it as a way to keep track of thoughts, write down stories I didn’t want to forget, and occasionally just vent. I had often joked about writing an autobiography, and in a way, this blog has become “chapters”.

I never thought that anyone would actually want to read these blogs (unless, of course, the blog mentioned them)!  Yet, here I am over a year later and I have “followers” – people who actually make it a point to read this no matter what the topic.  It humbles me.

Looking Back

The last few years of my life have been full of many changes:  job changes, deaths, divorce, depression, stress, remarriage, happiness, bliss, and the rekindling of old friendships.  It is interesting to go back and see the variety of topics this blog has covered through it all.  It really is a hodge-podge of randomness.

There is no shortage of posts about music here!  My iPod selections and the various connections that I make with songs, events, and people in my life are well documented.  There are so many great songs!  Musical blogs are among my favorite to write.  I recently started following another blog (PowerPop) which shares many of my musical tastes and I have enjoyed some great conversations with the owner of that blog.

My love for movies is also represented by blogs I wrote about movies I watched for the first time and movies I have watched over and over.  Television is also represented by a salute to the Dukes, childhood memories of School House Rock, TV Catchphrases, and my favorite cartoons. My hatred of movie and TV remakes was one of my very first blogs.

My radio career is also reflected in this blog.  You’ll find blogs that include some of my favorite radio stories, about listeners who became friends, my first morning show partner, radio mentors, radio bosses and co-workers, and encounters with famous people I met during my career all make up a good chunk of this blog.  One of my favorite blogs about radio is the World Radio Day blog, which thanks many of those people.

My family and friends, who are very special to me, are also well represented in this blog.  Tributes to my mom, my dad, my grandparents, my children, and my uncle/Godfather often were very emotional to write.  A blog about those teachers who were so influential and helpful to me was one of the easiest to write.  As my first wedding anniversary approaches, a long overdue blog about my wonderful wife will appear here.  One of my favorite blogs was about the trip to Florida that my wife and I took, which also doubled as our honeymoon.  Re-reading that one brings back many happy memories!  It still amazes me how we were able to keep it a secret.

The Christmas holiday spawned many blogs.  Blogs about Christmas memories, Christmas specials, Christmas characters, Christmas songs that drove me nuts, Christmas coffee, and yes – even a letter to Santa!  Christmas remains one of my favorite times of the year.  One thing I was unable to really blog about was the Christmas songs I love.  My friend, Chris, asked me to do that and I started it … just never finished it.  Consider it a head start for next year!

It was always fun for me to write about famous people.  As you look over the list of those who I wrote about, it is easy to learn a lot about me and what I like.  Comedians Red Buttons, Jackie Gleason, Shemp Howard, Curly Howard, Soupy Sales, and Rich Little give you a glimpse and who and what I find funny.  Musicians Elvis Presley, Willie Nelson, Roy Orbison, Weird Al Yankovic, Frank Sinatra, and, of course, Dean Martin give you a picture of my musical tastes. Other blogs about Mr. Rogers, Jack Webb, Christopher Lloyd, and Wolfman Jack expose you to other aspects of who I am.

At times, my blog can tackle serious topics, too.  Breast cancer is a big one.  Cancer, in general, is a big topic. It took many people from me.   I foresee a blog about St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in the future. I’ve been there and they do amazing work.  The importance of Music Education in schools is another great cause I will always fight for!  I have yet to write about Autism, but that is definitely on my list of future topics.

One of my favorite blogs summed up a lot about the past and the changes that occurred in me and my life over the past two years.  The subject was “Negativity, Judgement, and Happiness”.  Moving from sadness to happiness and moving from away from negativity and finding positives made a lot of difference!  Living with a positive attitude was such a game changer – and life is good.

The Future

Not so long ago, I was told my someone once close to me to stop writing.  “Nobody wants to read about that crap!  It is a waste of time.  Stop trying to be creative. Nobody cares about what you like and don’t like!”  If I have learned anything from Facebook and this blog, it is that people do care!  People do like to read what I write!  In the end, I don’t really write for others, I write for myself.  The fact that other people read this blog and get some enjoyment out if it is a little bonus.

In future blogs, I will continue to write about things I love.  I will write about things that people want to know about.  I will continue to participate in Blogathons (I have a few coming up that I am excited to write for) on various topics like movies and music. I will continue to write about things in my personal life.  I will continue to write – because I enjoy it.  The minute this is no longer satisfying and I feel that I have written all I can write … I will stop.  Until then, thank YOU for reading my “various ramblings”.  I appreciate you!

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Negativity, Judgment, and Happiness

thoughts

When I worked on the radio full time, I kept a little notebook in my pocket.  As I went through my daily life I would jot things that I experienced or noticed in the notebook as possible things to talk about on the air.  Lately, I have been collecting quotes to reflect on since there have been many changes in my life over the past few years.  As I was scrolling through them, I realized that they could easily be things that may help others as much as they have helped me.  The title of this blog reflects three “big” things that I have gone through.  The first two things are not easy to deal with, yet if handled correctly, can lead to the last thing. 

Negativity

negativity_is_a_thief_it_steals_happiness__quote-t2

My life was full of negativity from those around me.  Nothing was ever good enough.  It was very difficult to go through life surrounded by negative thoughts.  Here are some thoughts on negativity:

“Relationships with negative people are simply tedious encounters with porcupines. You don’t have the remote knowledge how to be close to them without quills being shot in your direction.” ― Shannon L. Alder

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”  – Willie Nelson

“You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind” – Joyce Meyer

7 Things Negative People Will Do To You. They will:

1. Demean your value

2. Destroy your image

3. Drive you crazily!

4. Dispose your dreams!

5. Discredit your imagination!

6. Deframe your abilities and

7. Disbelieve your opinions!

Stay away from negative people!” ― Israelmore Ayivor

 Judging

judge

Through difficult times, I found myself being judged by people who had no place to do so.  The Bible says, “Judge not, lest you be judged”.  Some of these people doing the judging forget that they are far from perfect, yet they feel it is important to label someone, diagnose someone, and yes, judge them.  Thoughts about judging:

“If you spend time judging and criticizing people, you will not have time to heal from your pain or brokenness. You cannot love yourself when you judge or criticize others who are created in God’s image and after His Likeness…in which you are also created. Love cannot operate from a space of pain. Love and hurt cannot reside in the same space.” ― Kemi Sogunle, Beyond the Pain by Kemi Sogunle

“Your judgments about another person say more about your own character than the character of the person you are pointing a finger at. This is the key and one of the most fundamental insights about the ‘red flags’ that we often dismiss regarding the people in our lives. If someone complains a lot to you about other people, guess what? That is part of their current character. And, as quickly as the tide changes, you can just as easily become the person they target and criticize, point fingers at, and negatively judge. Forever and always, until vibrations are raised, this will be the cycle of the relationship. So, it’s your choice to continue to engage in the cycle with them, or to move on. There are plenty of people who do not criticize, point fingers, or judge. THIS is the kind of character we want to foster within ourselves. THIS is the character of the kind of people we DO want to develop close relationships with.” ― Alaric Hutchinson, Living Peace

“When they judge you, yawn. When they misunderstand you, smile. When they underestimate you, laugh. When they condemn you, ignore. When they envy you, rejoice. When they oppose you, prevail.” ― Matshona Dhliwayo

BEWARE OF THOSE – Suzy Kassem

Beware of those who are bitter, For they will never allow you To enjoy your fruit.

Beware of those who criticize you When you deserve some praise for an achievement, For they secretly desire to be worshiped.

Beware of those who are needy or stingy, For they would rather sting you Than give you anything.

Beware of those who are always hungry. They will feed you to the wolves Just to get paid.

Beware of those who speak negatively About everything and everybody. A negative person will never say A positive thing about you.

Beware of those who are bored And not passionate about life. They will bore you with reasons for not living.

Beware of those who are too focused with Polishing and beautifying their outer shells. They lack true substance to understand That genuine beauty is in the heart that resides inside.

Beware of those who step in the path of your dreams. They only dream to have the ability To take half your steps.

Beware of those who steer you away From your heart’s true happiness. It would make them happy to see you Steer yourself next to them, Sitting with both your hearts bitter.

Those who are critical don’t like being criticized, And those who are insensitive have a deficiency in their senses.

And finally, Beware of those who tell you to BEWARE. They are too aware of everything – And live alone, scared.

 

 

Happiness

happiness

Through all of the negativity and judgment, I was finally able to find happiness.  It was not easy, and I would be stupid to think that there will never be difficult times ahead.  The difference, is that now I can look to it and know that I can make it through those times.  Happiness IS possible.  Happiness CAN be achieved.  Happiness makes life so much more special.  Now some simple thoughts on happiness:

“One of the simplest ways to stay happy is letting go of the things that makes you sad.” – Unknown

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.” –  Helen Keller

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” ― Tom Bodett

“There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy.” – Unknown

“Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.” –  William Feather

“To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.” –  Albert Camus

“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Unknown

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters.” ― Audrey Hepburn

Promise Yourself

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds. To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” ― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

 The Bonus – Love

love

With happiness – comes love.  I hope you are lucky enough to find a love like the one Bob Marley speaks of.  I can tell you, it is amazing!

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” ― Bob Marley