Mixed Emotions

If I had to describe today with emoji’s, I’d need a lot of them!

Exhaustion – Tuesdays are always difficult. I get very little sleep before having to come into work for the night. I do the best I can to nap when the kids are napping, but things just never seems to line up where we all sleep at the same time.

Confident – Recently I was presented with an opportunity that peaked my interest. It was one of those things that I really wasn’t searching for, but I looked at it very carefully. After much discussion and weighing all the pros and cons, I made a decision that I feel is best.

Afraid – At the same time, looking on the horizon, there is something I stumbled on that has positives and negatives. I took a leap of faith today. It would be a HUGE change. It has been something that has been on the back burner for some time. Whether or not anything comes of it is yet to be seen. If it does, there are some big things to think about and consider.

Angry – Annoyed – Exasperated – Done – One phone call can bring about so many emotions. How many times can the same things be rehashed? When do you just say “Forget it? I’m done?” An hour and 20 minutes of being on speaker phone being accused, judged, called every profane name imaginable, and treated like a piece of crap is not exactly how I want to spend my time. Once you apologize for something, you shouldn’t be expected to keep apologizing for it over and over again. Especially when the other party has said they forgive you. My God, it was a vicious circle of things that are from years ago, yet here we are talking about it again! Enough is enough. If you can’t get past it, I don’t know what to tell you. Don’t feel sorry for me or my family, because quite frankly, we are fine! Please just let it go!

Dedicated – It is time for me to stop letting the outside BS affect me and my family. I am dedicated to being the best husband and father I can be to those who will let me. I have found happiness and NO ONE will take that away from me. I love my family more than I will ever be able to express here, and intend to keep it together. Leave your negativity at the door or better yet, keep it away. There is LOVE, tenderness, faith, and joy in my house! I intend to increase those feelings with every moment I am alive!

Sadness – With every day my kids continue to grow up. Ella will be two this week. I am having a very difficult time wrapping my head around that. Andrew will be 4 months old this week and it seems like time won’t slow down. Sam has often said to me that she feels when she is done with work for the week, she feels like the look older and are bigger. I feel the same way. Despite having gone through this with my two older sons, it feels like time is going by even faster than before.

I will end on a positive emotion:

Happiness – This week, Ella started saying, “I love you, too, Daddy.” and “I love you, too, Mommy” after we tell her that we love her. There is nothing that will melt your heart faster.

Earlier today, Andrew was laying on the floor and he was giggling. I snapped a picture of him and Ella immediately came over and laid next to him and said, “My turn, Daddy!” In an absolute amazing moment, she grabbed his hand and I snapped the picture.

THAT IS WHAT MATTERS! Those two amazing kids (and my beautiful and wonderful wife) are the source of my happiness. There is nothing but joy connected with them. There is no negativity. There is no hate. There are no grudges. There are no hidden motives. There is LOVE. There is JOY. There is HAPPINESS. There is DELIGHT. There is LAUGHTER.

This is what is important! THEY are what is important.

On my bad days, those two special kids remind me to focus on what really matters!

10 thoughts on “Mixed Emotions

  1. What a beautiful post! In ten, fifteen years time, you need to read this out to your kids, when they are teenagers and it will embarrass the hell out of them! In another ten, fifteen years time, they’ll read this and think you’re the bees knees, the best dad ever! I loved the way you put all your emotions out there. This is simply what it’s like, being human. Emotions always barge in in big, mixed bundles, three, four, five, a dozen, all at the same time. Why can’t they form an orderly line, queue up, one after the other? Enjoy your precious family moments. May there be plenty, especially on the tough days!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words. One of the reasons for this blog is so that the kids will have my stories and such to look back on. Both my daughter and son have their birthdays documented in detail on here. I don’t want to forget anything. Today was a very emotional day. I wish that I could just lay it all out there with details and names and such, but I won’t. There is a part of my life that keeps resurfacing from the past and it is causing havoc on life today. It seems that all these wonderful events are interrupted with trivial stupidity that needs not be there. Today, was a long and drug out rehashing of things that were discussed, and put away, yet they keep on coming back. I understand the hurt that some of those people still deal with, but I cannot let that stuff get into where I am now. I have never been happier. There are stories of what others “know” happened, which is all based on their abilities to “conjure up their truth” to portray me as a bad guy and them as a victim. I can’t keep dealing with that anymore. I have found a wonderful life and plan to enjoy it.

      Liked by 1 person

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