Throughout my life, I have seen therapists off and on for various reasons: my weight, depression, grief counseling, anger issues, my divorce, etc … Years ago, I was told by someone close to me that I was not making any progress and I was wasting money and time with therapy, so I stopped going. This led to many personal issues and my coming to the conclusion that before I could really “fix” the things I was having problems with, I had to “fix” me.
This led to me finding a therapist and sorting out many things. This blog’s creation stems from some of those therapy sessions. I had mentioned how therapeutic writing used to be and it was suggested to do it again. I have found it to be extremely helpful as I continue to sort out things.
Now, let me say that I know many people who are in therapy. Some of those people have these “breakthrough” sessions where they have an epiphany of some sort. Some of them have found that “one thing” that ties everything together. I have not had anything even close to that, although over the past couple sessions I feel like I’m getting close to something.
One topic that comes up often during the sessions is the death of my mom. I am very aware that she is not here. The anniversaries of her passing and her birthday weigh heavily on my mind when they happen. There are so many events that have happened since she passed away that find me wishing she was here for them. To sum it up briefly – I am dealing with many emotions when it comes to her.
There have been other developments in my life that have often taken up the precious 45 minute sessions that have delayed me really being able to dive in to the subject lately. But with some discussion and some pretty tough questions, I am sorting through my own G.E.R.D.
When you hear GERD, you think Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease because that is what it is often referred as. While I do suffer from GERD, the GERD I am sorting through consists of four specific things that surround many of the issues I am dealing with: Grief, Expectations, Regret, and Disappointment (and/or Depression).
These four things will become the subject of talks in the upcoming sessions. I have these four words written down in a notebook. Each has a page and I hope to be able to connect certain things to certain words and feelings. As of yet, I don’t have much of anything written. I stare at those four words and know that they are important. What about them will bring a resolution and allow me to put some of the baggage behind me and move forward?
I’m working on it …..
Various Ramblings of a Nostalgic Italian 
Monday is the 5th anniversary of my daughter’s passing.
I always seem to handle the day better than my wife – it really tears her up.
But the reality is, with each year’s passing, I just don’t feel the same, more so for the past 2+ years (no thanks to this covid-crap).
Taking it one day at a time till this mess is all over.
Thanks for this ***
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My favorite line from my (currently) favorite song,
“Well, I’m perfectly imperfect, and I’m only here to learn and all the evil on the path gets burned”
Actually? You know, you deserve all the lyrics….
“Well, I no longer fear the unknown
‘Cause I know what I am here for
I keep on troddin’ on my own path
Keep on learnin’ from my present and past, yeah
Well, I no longer need validation
‘Cause my story is long and I’m patient
I know that I have lessons to learn
Keep my eyes open, each step I earn, yeah
No need for me to feel alone
‘Cause I got a place that I call home
Every single road traveled, every single new place
I come back home, they accept me with grace, yeah
Well, I know that I was meant to be here
And I know that I was born into fear
But I will stand tall in the lion’s den
‘Cause I know in my heart I am one of them
There are lies in the facets of everything that we see
That are telling us to be scared, when all we ever are is free
I’m letting go of the things that don’t serve me no more
‘Cause I am holy, and sacred,
And righteous, and true, and I deserve to be here
And so do you
Said, “I deserve to be here”
But I’m in a constant transition, constantly changing vision
Story never certain, there is always a revision to be made
Well, I think about the demons I have slayed
I am not afraid of confrontation in vain
To the people that seek evil, not as peaceful as I look
Well a warrior at heart, so precaution must be took
Well I’m trying to give in to the lessons that will soften
My ways and means are changing, ’cause I talk to spirit often
Tell me to stay sharp, tell me to stay present
Tell me to ignore the fools and focus on ascent
Well, I said, “I will starve my ego, and I will remain strong
I will make mistakes, and I will often be wrong”
Well, I’m perfectly imperfect, and I’m only here to learn
And all the evil on the path gets burned
I said, “I’m perfectly imperfect, and I’m only here to learn
And all the evil on the path gets burned”
There are lies in the facets of everything that we see
That are telling us to be scared, when all we ever are is free
I’m letting go of the things that don’t serve me no more
‘Cause I am holy, and sacred,
And righteous, and true, and I deserve to be here
And so do you
The pressure always comes from the outside
Try not to let it in where I reside
Well, this is my heart, my home,
My choice, my love, my life, my path, my voice, yeah
Well, I feel my heart grow with each step
Stand firm in where the path goes next
Well, I know that where it goes is where I need to be
The more lessons rained down, more blessings I see, hey
There are lies in the facets of everything that we see
That are telling us to be scared, when all we ever are is free
I’m letting go of the things that don’t serve me no more
‘Cause I am holy, and sacred,
And righteous, and true, and I deserve to be here and so do you.”
I hope that hits you as hard as it hits me. I listen to it daily.
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Your version of GERD seems a very good place to start. Expectation and disappointment go hand in hand.
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Absolutely. Expectations lead to disappointments. That’s the one truth I can attach to what I am working through…. Thanks for reading!
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It made a strong impact on me. I had not quite realised the problem with unachieved expectation. Not that you shouldn’t have ambition but too often it doesn’t work out.
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I’m glad that you are working on your peace
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It’s a long process. I’ll get there….
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Just a suggestion… Ever heard of the “giveaway?” IDK how much you know about my website but, a have some pages of information on a former psychic & energy healer. One of the things he suggests, after 35+ years of a healing practice in Wales, is the giveaway method. It is most helpful in dealing with emotions, particularly those where you are unable to express said emotions openly, for reasons like deceased family members or…you don’t want to be fired from your job. It is an old tribal method. One way is to write your troubles in the sand at low tide and let the high tide wash it all away. The other way is writing…but, not journaling. Quote from his first second healing book:
“It doesn’t matter how much you write or even what you write. This is for your eyes, only. Nobody else will see it. So, get everything onto that paper…all of your hurts, your angers, etc…everything. Once you have begun to write, you will be surprised just how much emotion you have stored away. Start at any point you like in your life and just write down what comes to mind. This is not meant to be a novel so, it does not need to be grammatically correct. All that matters is that you express your feelings. Once you have written it down, dispose of it. DON’T read it back to yourself as it will put all of the emotions back into your system. Burning is the best way as it totally disposes of all the evidence and, if burnt with dried sage, it can also help cleanse any emotional residue.”
Anger is held in the gallbladder (I feel my gall rising), fear is held in the liver, frustration is held in the spleen and the pancreas holds the force one doesn’t use when they should (you should have yelled instead of muttering under your breath).
Write…and burn. I’ve been digging out my crap over the last five years. I also have to write and burn on a daily or weekly basis due to a difficult SO.
You have to remove these emotional burdens energetically…transfer them to the page and destroy them. You may have to tackle something many times. If an emotion is still tied to a memory, keep writing until the memory doesn’t twist you up, anymore.
You can also paint your emotions but, you would want to go the cheap route for that because it should be burned, too.
I hope this helps. I was doing a round of giveaways at 2am this morning. Also…keep in mind…clearing emotions in the body can cause diarrhea, particularly anger, as the gallbladder releases the anger with bile, with whatever food is in your system. No cramps…just a flushing of the toxic emotions.
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Never heard it called that before. Interesting for sure. May have to try this….
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