They Call Me “Dad”

At some point, when I get an extra few bucks, I wanna order this shirt.

I am kind of over everything right now. Perhaps it is a lack of sleep, the need for a break/vacation, dealing with stupidity in many facets of life, an overwhelming amount of stress or a combination of all of these things. I am not really sure what the issue is. The past couple weeks, I feel like even the smallest things get under my skin. I feel like there is so much going in in my life right now. I feel like I lack the mental capacity to sort through it.

I can kind of fool most people. I usually can so this by just staying to myself – reading a book, listening to music or an old time radio show with headphones, or playing a dumb trivia game. The one person I cannot fool is my wife. She knows I am struggling, maybe she hasn’t said anything, but she knows. She can sense it. Even with an Oscar worthy performance, she knows.

She’s dealing with her own stresses right now. She’s doing SO much running around with the kids. Some days she has two different doctor appointments – one for each kid – each one in different cities. While doing that, she has to be sure she has bottles and diapers, and so on and so forth. It’s hell. It is days like this, that I wish I worked a normal schedule.

That’s a lot of crap to vent, and for that I am sorry. I hadn’t really wanted to write that much, but I was told by my therapist that sometimes you gotta just get it all out.

Despite having so much on my mind, I was not going to write a blog today. I just had nothing to write about. Then, while scrolling through Facebook memories, I found a post that probably hit me harder today than it did when I first posted it! It was a powerful reminder of how no matter what is going on in my life, I have an important role that I simply have to live up to every single day.

The Facebook Memory:

An amazing thought for the day: Parenting “is greater than any milestone you will ever hit in your career. It dwarfs any fame you may receive for your ideas or inventions. You’ve been handed a piece of history in advance – a gracious gift you send to a time you will not see – and you play the biggest role in how that history will ultimately be recorded” – T. Kimmel

This quote blows me away. Wow! This really shows how important a role I play in my children’s life. I’m not always going to be here for them, and when I am gone, I can only hope that they have learned something from me that they will take with them in the future. I hope that there is something that they learn from me that helps them in the future.

Another quote that is similar to the one above is :

I do not want to fail my children. I love them with all of my heart and soul. My role as their father is more important than any of the BS that is going on in my life. I have to make it a priority. I will love them, care for them, teach them, and guide them the best that I can, so that when they get out on their own, they will be ready to take their place in history.

There are days that I look through Facebook memories and I cringe as I delete things from the past. There are days that remind me of fun things the kids did, fun trips, or wonderful memories. Then there are days when one simple quote will knock me back a few steps to realize my focus is on the wrong things … and to adjust that focus to the right things!