I Hate Those Calls

The other day I received a message from a high school friend: “Hey. Are you up?” I didn’t see it because it was sent through Snapchat and I tend not to look at those right away. The following day, I texted her back and said, “Sorry I missed you. Is everything ok?” 

It is sad, but it seems more and more messages that start that way bring about bad news. I know her mom really well and thought it might be something to do with her. She texted back, “I just wanted to let you know about (our mutual friend).” She then said she’d call me in a few.

The more time went by, the more I began to think about how strange this was. I had just reached out to our friend around Christmas. I messaged her on Facebook and said Merry Christmas and wished her well in the New Year. I then remembered I hadn’t heard back. I opened my Facebook messenger and saw that the message I sent her had not been read. This made me start to worry.

When my friend called back, I asked her what was going on. I was informed that our friend was in hospice care. I was stunned. I couldn’t even begin to imagine this. I hadn’t heard from her in a while, but I knew she had all kinds of things going on at home and figured she was sorting through all of that. I had no idea that she was sick.

I was told that she has an aggressive form of Bile Duct Cancer. It’s a rare cancer and it has metastasized into the brain. Within 24 hours of my friend’s call, she texted to say that they were upping the morphine and our friend would most likely be in a coma like state until she passes. I had hoped to visit her today, but wasn’t able to get there. I haven’t heard an update today.

I’m 53. We graduated together, so we’re about the same age. We reconnected through Facebook years ago, and when I was going through my divorce, she often reached out to see how I was. Our group of mutual friends all went out to dinner one night and it was so much fun. It was like being in high school all over again. Those friendships picked right up where we left off. She and I messaged often and when she started having issues in her life, the tables turned and I was there to talk with her and offer support. Now, she is in her final days.

I read a quote from someone online that really hit home:

“One of the absolutely worst things about getting old, is the loss of friends and loved ones to sickness and ultimately death.  The longer I live, the more I find myself reminiscing about the folks who peppered my world with the joy of their presence, now gone forever.”

This is so true. I have so many things in my life to celebrate and that make me happy (my family first and foremost), but as I get older, it hurts to lose some of those wonderful people who shared good times with me. 

The above quote from Leo Buscaglia should be something that should be on our minds daily. When they say “tomorrow is promised to no one,” they are right. In the blink of an eye, or in one millisecond life can change. 

A co-worker was in a serious accident this week. She is ok, but her car is totaled. All it would have taken is a second earlier or a second later, or any other minute factor and the outcome could have been very different. You never know when it’s time.

The quote at the top of this blog is one that a good friend of mine had written on a mirror in her home. “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many” It was found by her son when they were cleaning out her home. This friend was only 5 years older than me. Now, my friend in hospice is being denied that privilege, too.

I am grateful for the times we shared together and will miss her.