It is my hope that one day, my children will read over these blogs and learn a little more about their dad. This blog, in a sense, is a sort of “autobiography” with some musical, and entertainment memories sprinkled in. A year after my mom passed away, we found letters that she had written to each of us. I cannot begin to tell you how much that letter means to me. It remains in a safe place and I re-read it often.
Letter writing is something that we rarely hear about anymore. This is sad. When my oldest son began elementary school, at the end of each year, I asked his teacher to write a letter to him, that he could read when he graduated. It is my hope that his mom still has those letters for him to read. I tried to do the same with my youngest, but his teachers were less than enthusiastic about doing it. I plan on doing the same thing with my daughter.
Another article I was sent while Sam was pregnant said to have grandparents and relatives write a note to the baby that could be read when they got older. Imagine a child being able to read a note from a grandparent or relative who passed away while they were young – that would be pretty amazing!
All this talk about letter writing brings me to the subject of this blog. What follows will come from a week’s worth of various scribbling down of thoughts, random questions, and the idea of writing a letter …..
It has been 10 days since you made your entrance into the world and mommy and I got to see your beautiful face. We certainly tried to get a glimpse before you arrived, but you had other ideas. When we tried to see you in your ultrasound, you kept putting your hands and arms up by your face – something that you continue to do. It only made it more special when we finally got to look at you!
I write this letter, knowing that it will be some time before you will be able to read it. Please bear with me as I try to put into words my feelings. Mommy will be the first to tell you that daddy can get pretty emotional, and I am not sure that I can find the right words, but I will certainly try.
You need to know that before you even arrived, you were loved unconditionally. You were cherished. You were anticipated. You were wanted. Each day that passed brought more excitement as we anxiously awaited your birth. We prayed for you. We wondered about you. We thought about you. We prepared for you. We longed to meet you face to face. We could not wait to hold you, hug you, and kiss you. And it wasn’t just mommy & daddy who felt this way! Your brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and so many others asked about you and prayed for you, too.
Your mommy and I were told that it was going to be very hard to have a baby, so when she told me on Father’s Day weekend that you were on the way, I was so happy I cried and hugged her. You are a miracle, my princess. When we found out we were having a little girl, we were filled with joy. You were supposed to arrive on February 16 (your great-grandpa Davidson’s birthday). You decided, however, that you weren’t going to wait until then!
As you know, you were born February 10, 2020 at 2:57pm. You weighed 7 pounds 7 ounces and measured 19 and a half inches long. We knew you were going to be born with hair, because we were able to see that on the ultrasound. Mommy also knew you would have hair, as you gave her a whole lot of heartburn while she carried you in her belly.
I was next to mommy the entire time we were in the hospital, and watched as you entered the world. Your tiny cry was the most beautiful sound. The doctor handed me a pair of scissors and I was allowed to cut the cord that attached you to mommy throughout the past nine months. Once they cleaned you up a bit, they handed you to mommy and she was able to hold you. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. I was overcome with emotion as I looked at my two favorite girls – mommy and you!
We named you Pamela Rose: Pamela comes from your grandma’s (mommy’s mom and daddy’s mom). Rose comes from grandma Rose and daddy’s grandma. We can only hope that you will grow to be like these amazing ladies! We wanted you to a have a unique nickname, so we call you Ella.
You are just perfect, sweetheart. In the short time you have been with us, you have captured our hearts. Our love for you has doubled, tripled, and quadrupled and continues to grow! I look at you in awesome wonder. My heart does flips every time you smile. I fall deeper and deeper in love with you every time I hold you in my arms. I could spend hours looking into your amazing eyes. You are simply beautiful and suddenly – you have become everything to mommy and me.
We have so many great things to look forward to! I can’t wait to read you bedtime stories, sing you Dean Martin songs, and tickle your belly. I can’t wait to buy you Christmas and birthday presents and take you swimming. I can’t wait to have tea parties and watch Peppa Pig. I can’t wait to watch you grow and make a difference in the world!
I want you to know that I love your mommy with all my heart! She is one of the most amazing women I have ever met. I truly hope that you will be like her. She is kind, loving, and fair. She makes me laugh every day. We are a team and we will do everything and anything for you! We will be your biggest cheerleaders and will support you in whatever you do! We will always do whatever we can to help you achieve your goals in life!
I promise I will do my best to keep you safe. I promise to make you smile. I promise to be there when you are scared. I promise to always have a hand for you to hold. I promise to be there to listen when you need to talk. I promise to wipe away any tears when you hurt. I promise to take care of you when you are sick. I promise to be honest with you. I promise to answer any questions you have. I promise to put you first. I promise to love you forever, no matter what!
Only God knows how much time we will have together, sweetheart. There is a quote that says:
“Time is free, but it is priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back.”
I promise that I will treasure every moment we have together, Ella. I look forward to every second of it.
I loved you yesterday, I love you more today, and I will love you more tomorrow.