Long time … no blog
Hello, my friend. Sorry I have been away for a bit. My last blog led to many friends on Facebook reaching out to see if I was okay. I wasn’t. When I wrote that blog, I obviously was a bit frazzled, but had yet to reach my breaking point. That only took an extra few days.
I’m not going to go into a lot of detail, but I finally cracked. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. The stresses alluded to in my previous blog, and the stress of everything that is going on eventually led to this. During a visit with my physician, she stated that she was very concerned about me. She decided it was best for me and my health to be off work for a few weeks. I am hoping she is right.
Since the doctor visit, I have been home. I have only ventured out in the car a couple times – to pick up groceries we ordered online and once with Sam (more on that in later). Many think I am crazy, but after the things I heard and seen at the hospital, the first thing I did when I brought the groceries home was set them on the porch. With gloves on, I went bag by bag and wiped everything down with bleach wipes. How do I know who touched the things we bought?
Remember the blog I wrote about things to do while at home? Yeah, despite the sudden abundance of extra time, I haven’t really had a chance to do much of what was on that list. The stack of unread books remains unread – for now. Exercise – I took a walk or two and put leaves in bags (does that count?). Plenty of movies I have yet to watch. Clear coat on the wall in the kitchen – can’t do any home improvements. Organizing digital music and folders and radio stuff – you would think I’d be on the computer more than I have been, but I am not. Clean the basement – I did this partially. So many things on my list that I just haven’t done. Sigh. How damn sad is this? I finally have the time, but just can’t put myself in the right frame of mind to do them.
While I am trying to limit my time on social media, I admit, I still get on Facebook more than I should. It’s not that I don’t like it, it is just that it is flooded with so many things I am trying to avoid.
- Political Bullshit. Blaming Republicans and Democrats for everything. Trump bashing. Trump Praising. Governor bashing. Governor praising. Polarizing stuff. The world is full of division and it shows on Facebook. You have your right to your opinion and to post what you want, however, I have programmed myself to scroll by this stuff.
- Corona Virus – Covid 19 stuff. Being in the hospital setting, I know the numbers. I know the severity of it. The various theories and conspiracies and people re-posting every article they find to “prove their point” is NOT what I need to see. The only things I pay attention to are the things posted by the CDC and World Health Organization.
- Sad stories. There are PLENTY of them. Emotionally, I know they are out there, I just can’t handle them.
I have a page I update called Celebrity Passings. When a celebrity dies, I post a picture and farewell. There have been more than I can count lately – some Covid 19 related, some not. My heart is just not in it right now.
One thing I am enjoying are some of the Facebook “games” that are out there. One of the ones I am doing right now was a challenge to post an album that influenced your musical taste for 10 days. In support of the 2020 seniors, some are posting their own high school senior pictures (I need to do that). Another one that was fun was to zoom in on a picture of an album cover, or a scene from a TV show or movie and post the zoomed in part to see if people can guess what it is. I zoomed in on Doc Brown’s eyes from Back to the Future – LOL! Great Scott!
The one thing that I have been able to do is spend time with my family – at least most of my family. It has been very nice to spend time with my wife and daughter. This certainly has been a wonderful way to de-stress. Ella is getting so big, and it is amazing how her features seem to change every day!
I have been feeding the baby more lately. She often will fall asleep while eating. When this happens, I usually let her sleep in my arms. I may have mentioned this before, but one thing that I love is when she smiles in her sleep. It is just so cute.
She is actually smiling a whole lot more. She has a little floor mat with toys that hang down from it. She loves lying on her back and looking at the toys. She’s also been able to hold her head up for longer periods of time. She has a “Bumbo” chair, and she loves sitting in it.
Ain’t it cute how she is giving us a “thumbs up” in that picture?
When the weather cooperates, we’ve been trying to get out and walk the neighborhood. The other day it was 70 degrees. The following day we had temps in the 30’s and 40’s with rain, snow, wind, thunder, and some sunshine! Only in Michigan! I had the chance to do a daddy/daughter walk through the neighborhood. It was very relaxing and she enjoyed the time in the fresh air.
This will be Ella’s first Easter. We had hoped to have some professional pictures done, maybe one with the Easter Bunny. Obviously, with the current situation and social distancing, that can’t happen. So we’ve been trying to get some pictures here at home. We’ll post them on Facebook for Easter. During today’s shoot – I had to laugh. In one picture, she curled her lip up like Elvis! Just typing this makes me laugh. Here she is channeling her “inner Elvis.”
Her hair continues to baffle us. Some days it looks brown. Some days it looks blonde. Some days it looks red! A red-headed Italian?! Oh boy, am I in trouble!!??
Missing My Boys
As I stated above, I have had the chance to spend time with almost all of my family. My sons are with their mom as this quarantine continues. I haven’t seen them in almost a month, maybe more (all the days are running together). I have video chatted with them a few times, but I miss them. When we do talk, I always have the feeling that their mom is looming over them and they aren’t free to talk.
One call from my oldest made me especially sad. The 4th was my mom’s birthday. She would have been 72. Every year, my sons and I visit her grave at the cemetery. I was planning on going, but that day, I took a new medication that was prescribed by my doc and the side effects hit me pretty hard. I was dizzy, lightheaded, and felt sick. I took a nap and when I woke up my sons had called. I called them from bed to tell them I was staying home. They video chatted with me from the cemetery. It was sad that I wasn’t they with them. They were both in tears. My oldest was upset because he was close to her. My youngest was upset because he never had the chance to meet her and it still bothers him. I told them that when this was all over, we’d go and visit.
It has just been awful not seeing them. I miss them terribly. My oldest video chatted yesterday and was showing me that he is growing his beard. He turns 18 tomorrow. I won’t even be able to hug him! I have a gift for him. I plan on wrapping it and driving it to his house and leaving it on his porch for him. I told him I bought a cake and will make it and celebrate when we get the chance to be together.
Outside of going to the grocery store, I have only left the house one time. Actually, it was me, Sam, and the baby. I was feeling down. Sam said we were going somewhere. She said she had wanted to do this for a few weeks. It obviously wasn’t a restaurant or anything, so I had no idea what she had in mind. We all got in the car and she drove. She drove to the cemetery. She knew I was upset that I didn’t get to go with the boys, but she also wanted to take Ella. She said it she wanted Ella to see one of the Pamela’s she was named after.
As you can imagine, it was emotional for me. Sam brought a blanket and Ella and I laid on it by my mom’s grave. My mom always hoped for a granddaughter. I know she would have spoiled her big time! Just like with my youngest son, it makes me very sad that she never got to meet her grandma. Sam’s grandpa is also buried at the same cemetery, so we took Ella to see her great grandpa, too!
It was a very special trip.
One of the changes that happened recently is that we had to find a new home for one of our cats. We had two. Moe was our first. Then we got Maizey. Moe was huge. He ate so much! When we brought Ella home, we worried. How were they going to react? They both did well, so we didn’t think we were going to have issues. We didn’t, until one night we found Moe in Ella’s bassinet. He was laying on her, and we knew this was dangerous.
We didn’t know what to do. By a stroke of luck, my sister-in-law’s ex’s parent’s cat had died recently. They were looking for a cat! They took him and treat him like a king! We heard he has eggs for breakfast – at the table!! He has his own heating pad on the couch. He is living it up. I miss him, but am happy he found a good home.
As for Maizey, well, when Moe was here, she was moving. She never laid by you. She never let you hold her. She never purred. Well, that has all changed. She loves being by us now. She meows and likes her tummy rubbed. She always seems to be by me now. She loves to be petted and now purrs like nobody’s business.
We’ll be staying home for Easter, obviously. We’re not even sure what we are doing for Easter dinner. But we plan on dressing up and enjoying our day as a family. We have an Easter basket for Ella and a very cute Easter outfit. I am sure there will be many pictures!
I’m not one to push religion on anyone. I understand that everyone believes what they want to believe. I realized how far from my faith I have been through this whole situation. Over the past two weeks, I began watching messages from pastor friends of mine, and got back into reading my bible. A friend asked me some questions about the Antichrist and it was fun to re-study that topic and chat with her. Bottom line, my faith is important to me. It is a key element in my coming out of this in a better frame of mind. I plan on spending a bit more time focused on that (and Him) in the future.
A friend of mine took this picture in Grand Blanc this week (about 30 minutes south of here). It was such a beautiful picture, I want to share it here. Enjoy your holiday. Happy Easter. Count your blessings.
I appreciate you reading. Sorry to have been away for so long. I’ll get through this. It just may take some time.
I hope to be back to my normal blogging self, soon.
Be safe. Be well.