While the last couple months or so have been full of wonderful events and happy memories, there is something that is bothering me. I have found that it has always helped to write about things when they bug me, so I am going to just throw a few thoughts out there to get them off my chest (in a round about way).
I’ve been able to really shut a lot of this out of my mind. I have been good about staying focused on the things that I can control and ignoring (in a sense) the things that I cannot control. I have put the negatives away (as much as possible) and tried to enjoy the positives. Every now and then, something happens and things “bubble over” and can make you break down. That happened today.
I was hurt today. Ok, I’ve been hurt quite a few times in the past few months. Let me say, that’s ok. I get it. I understand why and the catalyst behind it. I understand the way things are twisted and turned to make things seem like something they are not. Today, all the stuff just kind of hit me.
Today, as I held my one year old daughter before work. I looked into her eyes as she sat on my lap. She smiled as I put my hat on her head. She giggled as I sat with her. In that moment, I was reminded that this beautiful little girl has an unlimited amount of unconditional love for her daddy. I am perfect in her sight. I make her laugh. I am silly. I will be there to hold her when she hurts herself. I’m her hero. I’m her daddy and she loves me unconditionally.
As she grows, and there are rules to follow and disagreements, I know dad might make her angry. I hope that she will understand that those things are there to keep her safe and because I love her. I pray that she will never ever get to the point where she doesn’t want to see me or not be a part of my life anymore. That is a pain that is unbearable. It hurts terribly.
I don’t even know how to mend that fence. It’s kind of like the Biblical story of the prodigal son. I guess I just continue to love them and hope that one day the “prodigal sons” will return. One thing is for sure, my unconditional love for my children will never cease.
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