From “panic” to “stupid” in 3 minutes or less …

When I worked in radio full time, whenever I did something stupid or silly, I always shared the story on the air. It often led to many phone calls from people sharing similar things that they had done. It also led to those listeners and me laughing at each other’s stories. With the dawn of social media, I began to share those stories on My Space and Facebook. I love when one of those silly stories pops up on the Facebook “Memories” feed. It usually still makes me laugh.

I have no problem sharing my stupidity with you, so here is the latest installment, entitled “The Battle of the Belt”!

Friday morning, Sam had an appointment with a financial guy where she works to discuss retirement stuff. She wanted me to go as well. She was up and showered before me. We had to be up at the crack of dawn to be on the road, and I was pretty tired. When I finally crawled out of bed, she said that we needed to be on the road in about 30 minutes or we’d be late.

For whatever reason, I decided to shave my head, which added a few minutes to my normal “get ready” routine. Fearing that those extra minutes might put us behind, Sam told me that she would be driving because she “don’t drive like a senior citizen” and has “no problem driving over the speed limit.” Keep in mind that I usually do all the driving when we are together. I’m not sure why, I just usually do. So for this trip, I am in the passenger seat, which I suppose is the key to this story being funny.

In our relationship, Sam and I, have all of the comedic qualities of a good sitcom. What I mean by this, is that our internal thermostats are completely opposites! If I am hot, she is cold, and vice versa. When she drives in the car, the heat is ALWAYS on! Thank God there is a way to control the heat for both driver and passenger in her car! So here I am in my bulky winter coat, dying – because even though the heat on my side is turned down, it is still full blast on her side.

Somewhere in the middle of out 35 minute drive, I slip out of the coat and it is behind me on the seat. We pulled into a parking spot and Sam shuts off the car. As I normally do, I reach to my right to unbuckle the seat belt. The problem is, I am reaching down and around the sleeves of my winter coat in a effort to find the buckle to undo the seat belt. I cannot find it! For whatever reason, this fresh wave of sheer panic overcomes me! Sam sees me starting to freak out and asks, “What’s wrong?” I can feel my heart pounding now, as I continue to try to find the damn buckle! I have what feels like the end of the belt in my hand – but there is NO buckle! I am sweating and panicking!

I must have looked like a crazy person! Thoughts of being stuck in this car run through my mind! Scissors! Where is a pair of scissors to cut me out of here!? Why can’t I find this damn buckle! I am yelling now, “Where is the buckle?!” Let me help you visualize this:

See the white circle and arrows?? This is the area that I am grabbing at and searching for the buckle. Now – notice the red circle …………. and the buckle?! You can imagine how stupid I felt when Sam reached over and literally pushed the button – releasing me from the seat belt.

The entire traumatic event lasted approximately 3 minutes. As you know, when you panic, time stands still. It seemed like longer!

Let me say that this is NOT the first time I have been a passenger in this vehicle! I am not sure why, other than force of habit, I reached to my right to take the seat belt off. I am sure that it gave Sam one of the biggest laughs since we’ve been together! I have a feeling I will be reminded of this for years to come!