A good book, a great compliment, and bad dreams.

Intro

5-Days

It’s been 5 days since I have had a chance to sit and blog.  I have been able to jot things in my notebook, but just never had the chance to write.  This blog, like the last one, is a collection of thoughts from the past 5 days.

A Good Book

I have a habit of going to that store and snapping pictures of books that I want to read in the future.  Every now and then I have to scroll through the many pictures on my phone to remember them.  I need to add them to my “Good Reads” app, so they are all in one place, but I never seem to find the time to do that.

My wife and I tend to read very different books. I read a lot of history themed books, as well as mysteries, thrillers, and biographies.  She reads more Jodi Picoult type stories.  I had received a Barnes and Noble gift card some time ago, and my wife and I took a walk through the store to see what I might want to spend it on.  While walking through the “New in Paperback” section, I saw one that caught my eye.

I have read a few books that used World War II and German Concentration Camps as a setting.  Some were true stories, some were fiction.  When I saw the book, The Tattooist of Auschwitz, I picked it up to read what it was about.

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While the book is a novel, it is based on the true story of a man and woman who met and fall in love while imprisoned at the camp Auschwitz-Berkenau.  The author, Heather Morris, wrote the story after many interviews with Lale Sokolov.  The novel is based on his story.  After his wife, Gita passed away, he wanted to share his story.  The result was this book.

I read it knowing that it was a “fictionalized” version of their story.  The author stated that she wrote the story that Lale intended her to write.  Late last year, there was some controversy saying that there were things that were incorrect in the story.  The author again said that she wrote what he told her to write.  None of that takes away from a very powerful story of love and survival.  While I wished for more of an after story, I am excited to hear that there is a sequel due out next month based on one of the other characters in the book – Cilka’s Journey.  I will definitely be reading that one, too.

A Great Compliment

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It’s always great to catch up with an old friend.  It’s even better when you catch up and can talk about the good things going on in your life, instead of the bad.  My friend and I last chatted shortly after I got remarried, so it had been a little while since we chatted.  I was able to talk about my newfound happiness, the positives and positive changes in my life, and, of course, the news that we are expecting a baby in February. After chatting for some time, my friend said, “Please don’t take this the wrong way.  I don’t mean to sound mean or rude, but it is like I don’t even know you anymore!”

How could I take this as mean or rude?  I knew exactly what my friend meant.  I was a different person, a couple years ago.  It always seemed like I was complaining when we talked.  I was forever venting about the misery and worry in my life.  I was in a very deep depression.  I was SO unhappy.  I was struggling with everything and anything.  I was blaming myself for so many things! I took the blame for almost everything.  I had given up.

“It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!”  No – you don’t!  I am NOT that person anymore.  I don’t focus on negatives.  There is a smile in my voice when I talk about my life.  I have been blessed with an amazing soul mate who has changed my life in so many ways.  I don’t think you are mean or rude – instead, I thank you for the amazing compliment.  A compliment which proves that it’s not just me who sees the positive changes in my life – it’s others, too!

“When someone pays you a compliment – don’t disagree.  Accept it with grace, and most importantly, BELIEVE what they say!”

Bad Dreams

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It has been some time since I have had a nightmare.  Last night, I had a few!  I probably should have wrote them all down, because I have forgotten some of them.  I know I woke up at least 6 times in a 7 hour period.  With every wake up, I got more and more annoyed.

I often try to think about why I dreamt about something.  Sometimes, I can make a connection to something from the previous day.  For the life of me, I have no idea why I dreamt about what I did.  In the first dream, I was standing in a house looking out a window.  I was staring outside at an older car, possibly a Chevy Caprice.  Someone is standing next to it about to break into it or something and I am trying to yell out the window – I was doing everything I could to try to scream something at the person – but I could not make a sound.  I woke up in the middle of those non-existent screams.  I had only been asleep for about an hour.

In one dream, I am watching TV and I hear gunfire outside.  The windows around me begin to shatter as bullets break through them.  On the TV, I see the house I am in (it’s not my current one) on the news with “Breaking News” about a standoff in a local neighborhood.  I can see police outside the one side of the house and when two men jump through the window into the house I woke up.  (This dream may have stemmed from a radio show I heard on my way home.)

The final dream I remember involved me being chased by someone.  I don’t even know why I was being chased.  It was weird because the scenery around me changed often.  I started running through a neighborhood.  I then was running on a dirt road, through a shopping mall, and eventually I was running on the beach.  As I was running through the sand, I could feel myself sinking deeper into the sand until I couldn’t move my legs.  I was struggling to get my legs and feet out of the sand and they wouldn’t budge.  I woke up with Sam’s leg on top of mine.

On days where I have to work, I hate when I keep waking up.  I only had two cups of coffee last night and I was done with them by 3am.  I hadn’t eaten anything out of the ordinary (which has led to weird dreams in the past) and was tired enough that I should have been able to sleep right through.  I didn’t.  I know better than to let it bug me, because the more you focus on how you need to sleep, the more it keeps you awake (at least that is the way it works for me).  Hoping that tomorrow’s sleep is a whole lot better.

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Psssst! Did you hear the latest?

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Dreaming about band class is not uncommon for me. It happens often. Many times it is a recurring dream – I blogged about that recently at the following link: https://nostalgicitalian.com/2019/06/19/recurring-dreams/

Yesterday, however, the dream involved something that I had pretty much forgot about. The dream took place before a football game. I know this because we were all in our marching band uniforms. As we walked into the band room, (arriving early – because “if you’re on time, you’re late!”) there was a music stand by the door. On the music stand was some sort of printed “newsletter” which was typed out using an old typewriter. You remember the old typewrite font??

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Every student anxiously went to the music stand to grab a copy and read through the latest “gossip.”

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I woke up and laughed. How had I forgotten something that all of us band kids looked forward to each week? Band Gossip was always a lot of laughs. Let me explain:

In our band room, there was a cabinet where you’d put your music folder in after class. There were slots for each folder. When the librarians added a new piece of music, they’d slide it into the slot for you to add to your folder.

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On top of that cabinet sat a shoebox. The shoebox was decorated with some sort of paper covering and had a hole cut out in the top of it. Written on the top in magic marker were the words: “Gossip Box.”

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Throughout the week, students would stuff the Gossip Box with Gossip. Some of it really was gossip, much of it was inside jokes and silliness. Students were only allowed to use first and last initials in reference to a person. Sections of the band were referenced, as was the band director. Prior to each football game, an announcement was made that “all gossip had to be in the box by the end of lunch.” Whoever was in charge of it (I don’t recall) went through the box, got rid of any repeats, weeded out those things that were cruel or mean, and then typed it up. Prior to football games or concerts, a new issue of “Band Gossip” was put out for every one to read.

I remember things like:

  • K.P. is the Stay-puffed Marshmallow Man.
  • The trumpets are fine!
  • Brass is Class!
  • I love the Muppets.
  • J.S. Show us how to get down!
  • Hey, H.S. Can’t wait to go to homecoming with you.
  • T.S. needs a new baton.
  • K.R. and S.J. are always up to no good.
  • Get outta here, B.H.!
  • S.K., Make sure you practice measure 19!!
  • Go Abes!
  • Ever notice the way J.K. wears Blue and Gold socks?
  • T.T. Watch that flag pole!
  • M.M. Rock your solo!
  • B.B. is spending a whole lot of time with D.S.
  • What’s in your locker, K.H.?

Pages and pages of stuff like that. We ate it up. All those little nonsense things written on whatever scrap of paper we could find, in hopes that it would show up in the next issue. Our director often had to tell us to put the gossip away so we could prepare for the game/concert.

It’s funny how something that I hadn’t thought about in over 30 years, can show up in dreams. In it I giggled and laughed with Steve, Joe, Margaret, and Stacey as we read the gossip about ourselves, our sections, and other band peeps. It was like it was 1988 all over again. I saw people in that band room that I haven’t seen in years. The grease board where our director wrote announcements was hanging in its place. The parkas were draped over chairs in case it rained. I had the sheet music for Rhapsody in Blue in front of me so I could run through my solo. Our Drum Major, Ronnie, stepping up to the podium to conduct us through the warm-up. Amazing little details in an amazing little dream.

When I woke up, I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a pen and piece of paper and wrote “Band Gossip.” I had intended to save this for a future blog, but the images were so vivid, I sat and wrote this before work. I hate when I forget a good dream, and didn’t want to forget this one. In a way, that’s why I blog so many memories. I have a history of Alzheimer’s and dementia in my family, and by writing them down, I hope to preserve them for friends and family.

For my LHS classmates, I would love to know if I left out any details. What pre-concert or pre-game things do you remember. Share your memories or stories, please. I would love to hear them.

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Recurring Dreams

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As someone who works as a sleep technologist, I am often asked about dreams. Why do we dream? Can dreams really tell the future? What do dreams mean? The list of questions I get asked about dreams is a long one. There are many schools of thought about dreams. Take a psychology class and just the thoughts of famous psychologists alone could fill a book! The most common question I get asked about dreams is in regards to recurring dreams. “Do you ever have recurring dreams?” Yes. Yes, I do. “Why do we have those?” I have no idea. I wish I did.

I’ve never been one to put too much faith into “dream interpretation.” To me, it seems like it is often just someone’s opinion. Sometimes they make sense, but most of the time they just seem like some generic thing – like a horoscope. I may be wrong, and maybe there is something to it, but I really haven’t found it to be that way.

Recurring Dream #1

I have been having this one dream off and on for years, probably since I was about 10 years old. My brother and I are out in the backyard. Sometimes it is at our first house (at least I think that’s where it is), most of the time, however, we’re at my mom and dad’s. The old dog house that was there when we moved in is still in the back corner. The swing set is in the middle of the yard. It is no bigger than an average backyard.

While we are outside, the wind begins to pick up and dark clouds roll in. My mother will stick her head out the sliding glass door and call for us to come in because of storms. As I look up in the sky, a funnel cloud begins to form. (FYI: My grandmother told me all kinds of stories about tornadoes, which left me forever terrified of them) It is at this point that my brother and I begin to run toward the house. As we run, the yard begins to get bigger and bigger. It is like I am running and the house is moving farther and farther away.

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My brother is running behind me and I am holding his hand. I keep looking behind us as the funnel cloud begins to turn into a tornado. It is windier and we are fighting to get to the house. We get to the swing set and we are being pulled off the ground by the funnel. We are literally hanging on to the bars of the swing set so we won’t get sucked away by the tornado. My mom is screaming to us, but cannot get to us. As I lose my grip on the swing set – I wake up.

Recurring Dream #2

This is one that I have a bit more frequently than the tornado dream. I mentioned it on Facebook once and was surprised that I wasn’t the only one to have this kind of dream. This one is the “band dream.”

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While there are many variations of it, they are always very similar in nature: (1) I forgot my instrument at home and my band director is going down the line making every one play individually. (2) I have my instrument, but didn’t practice the piece and the band director is going down the line making everyone play individually. (3) I have my instrument, but don’t have my music folder. (4) I have my music folder and my instrument, but I suddenly cannot play the song we are working on.

The variations can also take place in different places: (1) Sometimes we are rehearsing in the band room. (2) Sometimes we are on stage at a concert. (3)Sometimes we are playing at band festival. (4) Sometimes we are on the football field and we are in marching band. (5) Sometimes we are marching in a parade.

Our band director was a man who I had great respect for. I think we all did. He was a good leader and taught us many lessons. He was strict and stern. You always tried to be prepared for class. Sometimes you weren’t and he knew it. I remember this one song that had a simple chromatic scale at the beginning of it. It was a fast tempo song, so if you didn’t practice it, you could easily blow it. We all started the song, started it again, and again until finally he pulled out the grade book and made every one of us play it. You either played it right and passed or played it wrong and failed. I failed it.

In the dream, all the old band classmates are there. I can’t really look at them and say what year it is. Many times its just all the people who were in band at one time or another. There is often things going on that are just weird – like bubbles coming out of clarinets or water coming out of the tuba. Many times we are rehearsing songs I remember playing while in band. Other times we are working up songs I have never heard. Sometimes famous people are in the dream rehearsing with us. There is no specific or common ending to the dream.

While this dream can often cause me to feel anxiety, I usually wake up from the “band dream” chuckling at the absurdity of what was in it. I also wake wishing that I could go back to those days when I still played well. I can barely make a sound on my trumpet today. I miss playing in band. It was, one of my favorite things about high school.

Sweet Dreams

I probably have one or two other recurring dreams, I just forgot them right now. I’ll remember them after I have them. I don’t know what makes me dream these same dreams. I don’t know what prompts them. I have always found dreams to be very cool. They can be very real! They can make you feel real emotions. Every once in awhile, they can be a little too real.

Other times, a dream, which you can’t explain, can make you look back at it and wonder. I had one of those too. When I was going through my divorce, I had a ton of stress. I woke up crying one night after having a dream. I dreamt my mom was talking to me. I was upset. She looked at me and said, “It’s going to be alright, honey. You are going to come out of this and things will be just fine.”

She was right!

What are your thoughts on dreams? I’d love to hear them.

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25 Things

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One of the daily writing prompts I read today asked to list 25 Things I’ll Never Do.  I grabbed a piece of paper and thought, “This will be easy.”  It was a bit harder than I thought.  I jotted them down one by one and stopped at 25.  I didn’t go any further.  I am sure if I thought more, I could expand the list.  For now, here at the ones that hit me immediately:

I will never ______

  1. Stop loving my wife and children
  2. Smoke a cigarette
  3. Go bungee jumping
  4. Stop writing
  5. Lose my faith in God
  6. Be perfect
  7. Beat my kids at that stupid Super Smash Brothers game
  8. Get a piercing
  9. Stop saying “I Love You”
  10. Take for granted someone’s presence in my life
  11. Give up on dreams
  12. Stop listening to music
  13. Intentionally hurt someone I care about
  14. Go downhill skiing
  15. Stop watching the Three Stooges
  16. Apologize for who I am
  17. Stop hugging my family and friends
  18. Forget those who have passed away
  19. Stop reading
  20. Sky dive
  21. Understand people who enjoy making other people miserable
  22. Act “my age”
  23. Ride in a hot air balloon
  24. Stop trying to make people laugh
  25. Realize how truly lucky I am to be living my life

How about you?  Can you list 25?  10?

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