Number 600 – For a Laugh

This is the 600th Blog Nostalgic Italian post! In celebration of this, I wanted to share a joke that made me laugh out loud. It comes from one of the blogs that I follow on Word Press – The Joke Thief. You can read and follow here:

https://thejokethief.wordpress.com/

Death in the Orchestra

Everyone knew the name of the Fredrick Von Liszt, accepted as the world’s greatest arranger of classical music of the modern world. Everyone also knew of his terrible temper as a symphony conductor. Nearly every member of every orchestra he had ever led was a target of his wrath sooner or later. His barbed tongue was as almost as quick and painful as his blazing eyes should any player make the slightest mistake. Nor was the unpredictable conductor above physical violence, having destroyed a promising young violinist’s delicate instrument over his equally delicate head, and even stopping a special performance of the famed soprano Maria Montecello to slap her face, commanding, “Back to the opera where you belong!”

It came as no surprise then when tragedy struck the orchestra. Von Liszt had berated the first seat bassoonist through every practice about his late entry in the third movement. Again and again, the conductor had screamed at the bassoonist, shaking his baton like a club at the poor man, and threatening him. “I shall kill you!” yelled Von Liszt. “If you ruin my performance, I shall kill you!” Of course, this made the musician so nervous on opening night that he was late in the third movement. The audience was shocked as the conductor shrieked like a wild beast and threw his baton directly at the bassoonist. Sadly, it struck the musician in the eye and killed him immediately. The performance was stopped, and Von Liszt was arrested.

The trial was short as there were several hundred witnesses to the poor bassoonist’s murder. The orchestra was unanimous in reporting Von Liszt’s threat to kill the musician. The famed soprano Maria Montecello spoke emotionally about the conductor’s mad and violent nature. Von Liszt himself seemed scornful of the proceeding, and glared in turn at the prosecutor, the judge and the jury, as if to dare them to judge him. They did just that, and quickly found him guilty of murder in the first degree, with the judge allowing the death penalty called for by the jury (and nearly all those in the court). While the papers decried the barbaric use of the electric chair in that jurisdiction, most readers who knew Von Liszt thought it fair treatment.

Von Liszt understood his position and maintained his composure in the court and later in prison. He waived his right to an appeal and even requested a speedy execution. When the priest asked if he was remorseful, the conductor merely laughed. “That man got was he deserved,” replied Von Liszt. “He didn’t belong in the orchestra.” Then he waived the priest away and began humming a new arrangement he had begun while incarcerated.

The night before his execution came, and Von Liszt was asked for his last meal request. The jailer was confused when he was asked to bring only three bananas and a large glass of milk. When asked to repeat the request, the conductor merely yelled at him, “You heard me! Bring me what I asked for!” His last, unusual meal was brought to his cell, and he seemed to enjoy it immensely.

In the morning, he was brought to the electric chair. As he was strapped in, the observers hoped for some break in the great man’s composure. The famed soprano Maria Montecello has gotten special permission to attend and watched the conductor closely for any sign of fear or weakness. But Von Liszt barely noticed them, humming to himself and smiling as he waited. The signal was given. The executioner threw the switch. Nothing happened. The equipment was quickly reset and again the switch was activated. Again, nothing happened. Von Liszt spit out his mouthpiece and asked, “Having difficulties?” The guards quickly unstrapped him and took him back to his cell.

The warden and governor decided together to reschedule the execution after thoroughly inspecting the electric chair, its wiring, components and controls. After they were satisfied, a new date for Von Liszt’s execution was announced. The night before, the prisoner was again asked for his second last meal request. As before, he ordered three bananas and a large glass of milk.

The next day, along with the previous observers, there was an electrician, several technicians and a special executioner’s assistant present to observe all. As before, Von Liszt showed little emotion, except his usual disdain. The signal was given again. The executioner threw the switch again. And again, nothing happened. The technical specialists swarmed to the equipment, searching for a reason for failure, but could find nothing. The executioner’s assistant verified that the procedure had been followed exactly.

The warden and the governor had to postpone the execution again, this time until a new replacement electric chair and peripherals could be purchased, installed and tested. Both men swore that Von Liszt would not escape justice again.

Once the new equipment was ready, the warden himself went to tell Von Liszt of his execution scheduled for the next day. When the prisoner asked for his usual last meal of three bananas and a glass of milk, the warden denied him. “Oh, no!” the warden exclaimed. ”No bananas for you! I’m not sure how, but that’s somehow connected to why this keeps failing.” When the prisoner was later brought nothing but water, he sneered at the jailer, calling him a “barbarian.”

On the morning of his third execution, Von Liszt was exceptionally cranky. He complained bitterly of not getting his last request for bananas and milk. The warden and the governor nodded to each other knowingly. The prisoner was strapped to the electric chair yet again. The executioner was given the signal. He threw the switch and … nothing happened. A collective groan went out from the observation room. The executioner began to curse loudly. And the warden looked stunned. He walked over the prisoner and removed his mouthguard. “The bananas didn’t have anything to do with it?” he asked Von Liszt. “Of course not!” Von Liszt answered. “I’m just a bad conductor.”

When I got to the punchline, I immediately thought of my friend, and high school band director, Tom Shaner. This is exactly the kind of joke that he would have got a kick out of! A long set up to a groaner punchline! I wish he were still around to share this with him.

Remembering Uncle Tom

Today would have been my Godfather’s birthday. I really miss him a lot. I found some pictures on a hard drive which brought a smile to my face today and I wanted to share.

Uncle Tom and a 1 month old me…
I’m a little bit older here. I wish the photo had the date on it ….
I look terrible here! LOL
Uncle Tom, Aunt Jane, and me
One of my favorite pictures – Mom, Uncle Tom and a skinny me

When I first started blogging I devoted an entire blog to him … for new followers, you can read it here:

I’ll Skip This One …

June will mark 34 years since I graduated from high school. My class has never had an “official” reunion. I’m not really sure why that is. It doesn’t really matter. The only time our class had some sort of get together was a combined event with the class after us. They held it at a local bar and I remember it being very loud. It was great to see some of the faces from the past, but I felt like it was hard to catch up because you were screaming at each other.

I’ve DJ’s many high school reunions, and they are difficult to do. Not many people want to dance, because they are busy catching up with their old classmates. One reunion organizer told me to play 70’s songs (they graduated in 76) and to keep the volume down “so we can talk.” That really is what reunions are about – catching up with old friends.

This coming weekend, there is another Alumni Get Together being held. It will again be at a bar, and this one is open to pretty much anyone who went to our school. There was a Facebook invite sent out and the event is in my calendar. I can look at who is attending, but can only see those people who are my friends on Facebook.

Just yesterday, Facebook reminded me of the event again. I glanced over the friends who are going and believe me, I would love to get to hang out with them for the night. However, I decided early on that I am going to stay home. There will no doubt be many pictures taken and posted from the event and I will anxiously await seeing them.

A high school friend and I chatted on my way to work this week. She asked if I was planning on going this weekend. I told her I was not, and it isn’t because of where it is going to be or anything like that.

What it all boils down to is that there are too many possible people who could show up that I would rather not see. I have many former friends who have bought into the lies and stories that have been told about me and quite frankly, I don’t want to give anyone anything to talk about. Many former relatives went to my high school. They have their opinions of me and that’s fine. They have written enough “bad press” about me and continue to do so. Yeah, no thanks. I certainly don’t want to see any of those people, or the ones who took what they said as “truth.”

As I look back over the list of those going to the event, I know that I can message or call them at any time. Many, I do. Thanks to Facebook, I can keep in contact with them. I am sure there will be some friends not on Facebook who will be there, and I’ll miss reconnecting with them, but I keep hoping that one day my class will have an actual reunion.

Another Weekend Wrap Up

On Friday, my son told me that he wasn’t coming over for the weekend. Sam and I decided that we’d take Ella somewhere to burn off some energy (Andrew came along for the ride). When I got home from work Saturday morning, I stayed up and we all went to the Mid-Michigan Children’s Museum in Saginaw.

I’d never been there before, but I was impressed with it. There was plenty of stuff for Ella to do. We thought she would spend more time at the “water area,” but she was only there for a short time. She was running from station to station and I probably lost a few pounds chasing her around.

We got there right when it opened, so there wasn’t a lot of people there. The longer we were there, the more crowded it got. Both Sam and I felt our anxiety levels rising, so we wrapped things up with a trip to the gift shop. Ella found a stuffed kitty cat that she hasn’t really let go of since our trip.

On our way home, we stopped at Halo Burger. Halo Burger is a Flint area restaurant that is known for their Olive Burgers. They are SO good!! They are also known for serving Boston Coolers (It’s like a shake with Vernor’s ginger ale and vanilla ice cream). We don’t go there often, but when I do, I always get a Boston Cooler. I brought it home and Sam had Ella try it. She called it “Ice Cream Pop.” Needless to say, she finished it off for me.

Later than night, we took the kids to see Sam’s grandma. She loves her great grandbabies. She is in her 90’s and sharp as a tack! I am so glad that the kids have had the opportunity to know her and love her.

Andrew has been scooting all over the floor now. I’m sure he is trying to keep up with his sister. I know that it won’t be long before his is crawling and walking all over the place. This week, he actually got himself sitting up. It’s not consistent yet, but he seems pretty dang happy when he is sitting up and able to look around.

He was recently evaluated by the doctor and he will need a helmet. We’re hoping that he will only have to wear it for a couple months. The helmet will basically help to make sure his head is shaped properly. We’re hoping that the helmet won’t slow down his progress by weighing him down. He should be getting it this week.

He is such a happy baby. He always seems to be wearing a smile. Sam has been playing a game with the kids where she makes Andrew “get” Ella. They both laugh out loud and I love watching them!

I just love the outfit Andrew has on …

All of my kids are pretty awesome, there is no doubt about that.

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook that was 100% true and really struck a chord with me this week. It said:

Your first kid teaches you how long the days are. Your last kid teaches you how short the years are.

Powerful stuff! That’s why I try to take advantage of all the time I can with them.

Today in 1964

Back in 1964, something amazing happened on the Billboard chart!

The Beatles held the top 5 spots! This is something that has never happened before or since!

My friend Ken also pointed out: they also had seven other songs in the top 100 for a total of 12 tunes!


That same week, The Beatles also held the top two spots on Billboard’s albums chart with Meet The Beatles! and Introducing The Beatles. These U.S. chart records have never been broken, even after 58 years!

That is truly amazing!!!

Here’s a great little piece on this:

April 4, 1964: The Beatles Hold Top 5 Chart Spots

Watch for my Beatles blog in a few days .

Foolish Talk

Illustration Celebrating April Fools’ Day

In honor of April Fool’s Day, here are some “foolish” quotes:

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.”
― Soren Kierkegaard

“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
― Winston S. Churchill

“A man who trusts everyone is a fool and a man who trusts no one is a fool. We are all fools if we live long enough.”
― Robert Jordan

“The young people think the old people are fools — but the old people know the young people are fools.”
― Agatha Christie

“Always remember… Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.”
― Ziad K. Abdelnour

“A learned fool is more a fool than an ignorant fool.”
― Moliere

“Until you’re ready to look foolish, you’ll never have the possibility of being great.”

– Cher

“Who’s the more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him?”

Alec Guiness, ‘As Obi Wan Kenobi From Star Wars’

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Mark Twain

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.”

Plato

“The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart.”

Benjamin Franklin

“There are more fools than wise men, and even in the wise man himself there is more folly than wisdom.”

Nicolas Chamfort

“The greatest of all fools is the proud fool–who is at the mercy of every fool he meets.”

Washington Allston

“A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.”

Bruce Lee

“The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.”

Josh Billings

“The mistakes of the fool are known to the world, but not to himself. The mistakes of the wise man are known to himself, but not to the world.”

Charles Caleb Colton

“April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.”

Mark Twain

“Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.”

African Proverb

“A fool despises good counsel, but a wise man takes it to heart.”

– Confucius

“A fool always finds something to complain about, and a wise person always finds something to appreciate.”

– Debasish Mridha

“You will rarely make wise decisions if you surround yourself with fools.”

– Rasheed Ogunlaru

“Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,”

Paul, the Apostle to the Gentiles, Romans 1:22