“What the Hell…Manns!?”

Today I had a small accident. The said accident caused me pain. If it hadn’t hurt so bad, I might have been able to just yell the title of this blog and it would gotten a laugh from my wife. Instead, the whole thing just caused me to spout off a few curse words (which I am not proud of) and wince in pain.

My wife does not like Miracle Whip. When she last did the grocery shopping, she wanted to get real mayonnaise instead. She bought the bottle pictured above. Once opened, she placed it on the shelf on the refrigerator door. The shelf happened to be the top shelf. Why is that important? Because of the distance it fell.

We had spaghetti for dinner tonight. I went to the fridge to get out some cheese to put on mine. I truly don’t believe that I opened the door too fast or too hard, but it was hard enough for the mayo to fall off the shelf and down to the floor. Only it didn’t hit the floor first.

I’m no mathematician, so I cannot calculate the exact speed that the mayonnaise container was going before it crashed into my baby toe. But based on the gash, loss of skin and amount of blood that was there, it had to be going over 100 miles per hour (give or take a few MPH).

The mayonnaise container fell with the clear flip top down. As it crashed into my toe, the top shattered. I’m not sure exactly what slashed into the top of my toe, but it had to be part of that flip top. My wife was in the other room with the kids when it happened. All she heard was the crash and my hollering in pain.

She called out to me and asked what had happened.

“The mayonnaise broke my toe!” was what I was able to come up with.

It was so ridiculous that I had to share.

My toe still hurts. Thanks for asking….