Movie Music Monday will return next week. Every now and then you have to celebrate your accomplishments, so I will do that today.
I have a tendency to get sidetracked. I often start things and stop before they are finished. I have come to understand that goes along with my ADHD.
I suppose it was a year or two ago that there was some sort of “Blog for 30 days” challenge. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d be able to do it, but I did. At some point within the last year, I was looking at stats and realized that I had blogged every day for over a month. I decided to see if I could go an entire year with a blog post every day. Today, I have my answer.
This blog marks the 365th day that I have posted at least one blog a day. I know many of the folks I follow will post two to three a day. I don’t have that kind of time or things to write about I suppose.
The various features I write certainly helped me get there. I hope that you haven’t found them boring or stale. I truly hope that you enjoy the posts here. No one has reached out to say, “That’s enough of the music (or movies, or whatever),” so that is probably a positive, right?
Gratitude is something that should be shared often. So with that in mind, I thank you for making this little blog a part of your day. Thank you for following and reading. If there is anything you feel I can do to make this better, I would love to hear from you.
I can’t promise another 365 days in a row … but I promise to try to keep the posts worth reading.
I got a couple emails asking, so I thought I’d give you an update.
After taking down the Christmas decorations, I began to feel numbness in both hands and in my arms. I had a lot of swelling in my hands and feet. I also had joint pain. After a video visit with the doctor, I was given a muscle relaxer and steroids.
I was told if the numbness didn’t go away to make an appointment. After the meds were gone, the numbness remains. So she worked me in on Friday.
At the appointment, she had me raise my hands and arms and such. She moved them around, poked around and thinks it’s something in my neck. I don’t know how that fits into everything else, but ok. She told me that she wants me to go get an EMG. So now I am waiting to get a day for that. I need to call on Monday.
I’m not sure what happened with my Blood Pressure, either. On Thursday, when I was at the ADHD doctor it was 130/80. That’s good for me! But at the Primary doc on Friday, it was 140/100.
There was all kinds of confusion with my Upper GI test, too. For some reason they had me down as cancelled. I spent way too much time on the phone trying to figure out whether I was getting it done or not. Once it was sorted out, we figured out what happened. It is now rescheduled to this coming week.
So in a nutshell I have more questions than answers. When I wake up, that’s when it is the worst. Pain accompanies the numbness. Some swelling, too.
I will keep you posted. Thanks for checking up on me.
I am so glad for the short work week. I’m looking forward to family time. Sam and I have Friday off and we are going to the Wild Lights at the Detroit Zoo. We did this almost every year we have been together, but haven’t ventured through it with the kids yet. This will be their first time and we’re excited!
Even through all the bad years, I have been a Lions fan. Yesterday’s game was an amazing comeback. If you haven’t seen it, all you need to watch are the highlights from the last 3 minutes of the game. Detroit was down 12 points and in those 3 minutes, they put up 17 points to win the game. What a game!
As a bonus, for the first time since the 1960’s they have an 8-2 record.
Had a virtual appointment with my ADHD doc today. I told her how I was feeling. I had told my therapist how I felt and she asked me to ask people close to me if they noticed a difference. When I asked my wife, she was honest, as always. “Since you started this medication, you have been a complete A-hole.” So there you have it, I wasn’t wrong. It isn’t working.
We discussed a lot and she knows what med she wants to try, but it might boost up the blood pressure. She wants a baseline EKG, which I think they will do at my physical this week, to check my heart. Then, if all looks ok, she’ll order up the medication. Fingers crossed that this new med works.
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For those of you who asked just how big the puppy is …
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I mentioned that I put that tree up on the side porch. Lit up it actually looks good.
I’m forcing myself to write today. I have some funny things to share, and these are the type of things that have kept me going the last couple weeks.
Feeling … not right
When I got the diagnosis of ADHD recently and began the new medication, I had hoped that I would start to feel some things change. They did, but not in the way I expected. Now, I’m told that it takes 4-6 weeks for this new med to really do what it is supposed to do, and I have only been on half of the dose for a month. They are supposed to up the dose the next time I see them. I have an appointment with the place where I got my diagnosis this week, so I hope to get things sorted out.
I should not be feeling more depressed than I was before the medication, but I am. I am supposed to have my yearly physical next week and I am embarrassed to go in. All the weight I lost is back. Bad choices and emotional eating are to blame (ok, I am to blame, too!). There is no motivation. I have tried to psyche myself up to no avail. There is a program through work that I just stopped doing because I wasn’t feeling like myself and didn’t think it was helping. I have to go get bloodwork tomorrow and I always fret about what that is going to show.
I’m not saying meds are the answer, but something isn’t right. Here’s hoping that we figure it out.
Vet Visit
Daisy had a vet appointment today. She is 21 pounds already. The vet seems to think she will be bigger than we anticipated. “At least 100 pounds” Sam said.
She is totally puppy and chewing everything in sight. Housebreaking remains a challenge, but she starts her “Puppy Obedience” classes after Thanksgiving.
Ella went to the vet with Sam. When they got home, Sam says, “Hey Ella, tell daddy how they had to take Daisy’s temperature.” Without skipping a beat, she yells, “They used a butt thermometer!”
She’s still giggling about it.
Holiday Decor
While Sam and Ella were at the vet, Andrew and I put together the 8 foot arch that we got for out front. It wasn’t as difficult as I anticipated and I was able to get it up in about 30 minutes. Each bulb and the Merry Christmas sign have LED lights, so I cannot wait to see how this looks at night.
With the construction finally done, and our yard being semi-put back together, I need to get out and get some of the leaves out of the way. They have that hay with the netting all over the lawn so the grass will grow back, so I’m not sure just how much I can actually rake.
The majority of the holiday decorating is done, however, there are still a couple small things I need to do. I have those light nets for a couple of the bushes I need to get up and some lighted garland that I will put around the front door. Normally, when that is done, I am done. Not this year.
Sam wants to put an artificial tree out on the side porch this year. We didn’t want to buy a new one, so we kept an eye on Facebook marketplace for one. I asked a coworker if she knew anyone who was getting rid of a tree and she actually said she had one that had been sitting in the garage since they got one from her parents. At some point this weekend, there will be another tree to decorate.
Grades
Over the past two weeks, I finished up three tests for my Bible classes. This semester, we are in the books of Romans and Matthew. We are also in an Old Testament Survey class and a Preparation and Delivery of Sermons class.
I aced all three tests. They were tough. I plan on using my lunch break at work daily to watch the classes and take tests. It’s a nice, because usually no one is in the building, so it is uninterrupted.
Brotherly Q & A
My brother, who has written a couple times for this blog in a “guest” role contacted me and said he really enjoyed it. So he thought it would be cool to think of some holiday themed questions to ask each other. He sent me his, and I was surprised that I had a lot of the same questions on my list. I combined the two lists into one and we’re going to share with each other. Some of the questions are more personal or family oriented, but I may share those answers here. We’ll see.
I am a bit overwhelmed today. So overwhelmed that I wasn’t sure I’d want to write. However, I feel I need to.
As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, I had a doctor visit to discuss the results of all of the ADHD testing. I will tell you that it was about as thorough as you can get. Some of the tests seemed silly, but I guess the tests are very scientific and really do give accurate results.
The doctor visit went over the results with me and we discussed the diagnosis and plan of action. She also sent me a copy of the full report, which I couldn’t read until long after the phone call because I couldn’t read it on my phone. I printed it at work and read it in its entirety.
Now that I think about it, overwhelmed may be an understatement. The break down of the various things that the tests showed were accurate and made me realize that there were things I knew I did, but never ever connected it with ADHD, dopamine or other neurotransmitters and how they played into my daily life.
So I officially have a diagnosis. Two of them actually. First, yes, I have ADHD – the combined type. Second, I have Dysthymic Disorder, which is basically long term depression. That was a shock, because I really felt like I was over that. I have good days and bad days, but never felt as though it was a problem anymore. Apparently, it is.
So now, we have a plan of action. I have another appointment at the end of the month to put it all in place and move forward. Based on our discussion today, this plan should really help me in many ways. That makes me look ahead with the hope that things get better and life is a bit more controlled and … normal.
The last few posts have been all about books, so I figured I would just toss out a bit of an update.
We Have Curbs
The road project is almost done! We have curbs! We should have a street soon and hopefully sidewalks and the rest of my driveway, too! This headache cannot be over fast enough!
I’m on the Google!
A good friend of mine is getting ready for a trip to Italy. He’s been learning a bit of Italian in preparation for the trip. Because he is my friend, and as weird as I am, he decided to Google whether or not the School House Rock songs from the 70’s were available in Italian! When he did his search … who popped up??
THIS is why we are friends (among other things)!
In over 5 years, I’ve never noticed!
Andrew will be two in less than a week, so Sam and I took the kids to get pictures. We also did some family photos.
In the 5 years we have been married, and all of the pictures we have had taken, we’ve never printed them out to hang them. Sure, we have some that we had done on the wall, but there are so many that need to be hung.
Sam told me how she wanted to redo a wall in the living room and we began to go through photos to see which ones we wanted to hang up. As we talked, she said we should probably patch the wall and maybe repaint. The following conversation took place:
Me: You know what we should do?
Sam: What?
Me: When we paint, we should make one wall a different color.
Sam stared at me like I was growing a third eyeball.
Me: What?
Sam points to the wall next to me and says, “THAT wall IS a different color!”
I turned and looked. I swear, it did not look different! The way the light hits it, I never noticed the two being different.
Me: No it’s not!
Sam: YES, it is!
So I get up and walk over to the corner where the two walls meet …
Me: Well, how about that!? It really is a different color!
Sam just stared at me in disbelief.
Yes, we have lived together for 6 years. I never noticed!
Wish Me Luck
I should know tomorrow what the results of all that ADHD testing shows. I’m hoping for some answers!
They are the sunshine of my life
I love the fall whether, even if it does feel more like summer. I just love spending time outside with the kids!
This morning, I had a telemedicine visit to discuss whether or not I qualified for ADHD testing. You may recall a few months ago, there was some discussion with my PCP and my therapist about whether or not this is something I am dealing with. I blogged about it here:
In the 45 minute call the doctor asked me many questions and by the end of it all, I was told that I was to come in next week for about 3 hours worth of testing. It looks like it is very probable that this is an issue for me.
She asked me about things I had really no idea were ADHD related:
Do I often misplace things?
Am I disorganized?
Am I quick to anger?
Do I often zone out when people are talking to me?
Do I have a problem with motivation?
Do I sometimes hyper-focus?
Am I easily distracted?
Do I drink a lot of caffeine?
Do I have time management issues?
Am I forgetful?
Am I impulsive?
Do I have trouble falling asleep?
Do I have mood swings?
Do I have issues multi-tasking?
Do I get frustrated easily?
Do I cope with stress well?
Do I worry?
The questions kept coming and almost all of my answers were “yes!”
She asked about my relationships with my folks, my wife, my brother, and my kids. She asked about family history and more. It was eye opening. I am sure that the testing and questionnaires that I will be working with next week will help further some sort of diagnosis.
She stated that in most cases a simple medication change can help with things. I certainly hope so.
It seems like it took forever to finally talk with someone. I’ll be glad to have some sort of answers in the near future.
In the meantime, I wanted to tell you … (head turns quickly) …. Squirrel!
I just found out that May is Mental Health Awareness Month.
You HAVE to take care of yourself. I have learned this over time as I realize just how many things I have going on. Anxiety, Depression, Stress, OCD, and now possible ADHD.
(For those who have reached out and asked, I am currently waiting to hear back about scheduling my ADHD evaluation.)
If you don’t feel right, talk to your doctor. Talk to a therapist. Do WHATEVER you have to do to take care of YOU!
I cannot believe that we’ve turned the page on the calendar again and it is May! I’m not complaining, because May means nice weather is on the way. I’m looking forward to my neighborhood walks and sunshine.
Those walks and the nice weather will certainly help me. I have been struggling a bit. I noticed it a while back, but thought maybe it was just related to not getting enough sleep. However, after having a discussion with my therapist, I’m going to be looking a bit deeper at things.
I have felt like my temper is a bit shorter than normal lately. My patience level is sort of nonexistent. This is unacceptable to me. The littlest things are setting me off. After some discussion, she asked if I have ever been screened for or diagnosed with ADHD. I haven’t.
She mentioned quite a few things that I felt would apply to me. So I’m going to follow up with my PCP. I did some reading online and some stuff really hit the nail on the head.
“Emotional sensitivity and trouble controlling emotions are more signs of ADHD. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is common in adults with ADHS. RSD is extreme emotional sensitivity that occurs when someone fears they are being criticized or rejected by someone else.“
This is totally me. I tend to be defensive. Part of that is because of my past relationships. Constant criticism and rejection caused me to become very defensive. I hate that.
“Another aspect of emotional control and ADHD can be a quick temper. Someone with ADHD may get extremely irritated but move on from it quickly. ADHD can co-occur with mood disorderslike depression, bipolar and anxiety.”
My wife says that I can go from 0-100 when I get angry. That is so true. The anger is there quickly. I already have anxiety and some depression, so I wonder just how much of this plays into my quick temper.
“Staying organized can be difficult for anyone, but those with ADHD will have a more challenging time keeping track of things and logically completing them. That’s because ADHD is associated with weakened function of the prefrontal cortex, or the part of the brain that controls behavior, emotion, attention and organization.“
Sam can tell you I am NOT organized at all. They joke with me at work about how my work station is set up – its a mess. I can be organized to a point, but I would say I am one of the most unorganized people. “I know it is here – somewhere – I just don’t know where!”
“Someone with ADHD may jump from task to task because they’re excited about those things, not because it’s a logical order.”
I will tend to do the things I WANT to do first, rather than the things I NEED to do. This happens ALL the time.
“Another extremely common symptom of ADHD is difficulty managing time. You may often be late for things or have difficulty sticking to your schedule. It’s not always being late or not showing up, but it can be more subtle, like procrastinating tasks and working on tight deadlines. You also may be regularly forgetful to the point that it causes disruptions in workflow or damages relationships.”
My wife likes to remind me of how I love to put things off. Things I need to do, but just don’t for whatever reason. Some of those things I put of to avoid confrontation.
“Trouble concentrating is one of the best-known ADHD symptoms, thanks to the reduced function of the prefrontal cortex. According to the DSM-5, a diminishing attention span is a core symptom of ADHD. Anything can draw your focus from the task at hand — noises, people talking or daydreaming. Because of this lack of focus, you may overlook important details, lose chunks of conversations and have difficulty completing tasks.“
I often find myself zoning out. My wife has had to call my name three or four times while I get caught up in something on TV. Everything else just fades out and my focus shifts to that.
My therapist thinks that if it truly is ADHD, if those things are treated, everything else will start to get better. More control over my emotions and more patience. I hope she is right.
Various Ramblings of a Nostalgic Italian 