Until We Meet Again …

Years ago, when we started our little church, we had a core group of people who shared our beliefs. I think there were maybe 10-14 people. We were a Bible believing Grace church.

I remember the first time I taught Sunday School and there were new faces in the seats. I was actually a bit nervous. I don’t recall what I was teaching, but I do remember afterward being introduced to Greg. Actually, he introduced himself to me.

It didn’t take but a few minutes to know that he and I would quickly become friends. His wife Wilma and the friends he brought with him to church (Ann, Porsha, and Jay) would also become lifelong friends. I can remember many times he would stop by the house during the day and we’d chat about the Bible or what we studied that week. My oldest son was only about 2 or 3 at the time and he loved to see “Mr. Greg.”

There were coffee dates with the men from church. We would sit at McDonald’s with our Bibles and run verses by each other and pose questions to each other. Those guys quickly became brothers to me. They still are.

At some point, my ex decided that she wasn’t getting anything out of church, so she stopped going. I was still teaching when I was able to, but with my job and a new schedule working Saturday overnight, it became very difficult to stay up and teach Sundays. I did that shift for quite a few years and eventually the conversations with the men slowed. Greg and I would still chat on the phone or via e-mail chatting about Biblical things. He would wind up moving to Texas and those became the only way we got to chat.

As I went through my divorce, it seemed like I was being pulled this way and that way. He was always supportive and understanding as to why it was so long between conversations. He always had a verse or a pep talk to pick me up when I needed it.

I received a call a few months ago from Ann from church. She wanted to me know that Greg had ben diagnosed with an aggressive lung cancer. As soon as I hung up with her, I called him. He tried to play it off like it was nothing. I asked him if he needed anything. I told him I was here for him if he needed to talk. He said he was going to be fine.

I emailed him 4 days ago and he answered right away. He was going to check on something for me and he said he’d get back to me.

On Sunday, Jay from church sent me a text with a screen shot that Ann had sent him. It said that Greg was in his final hours and they were keeping him comfortable with morphine. I was completely shocked. I had no idea it had gotten to that point.

I found out that he had been in the hospital recently and had been on oxygen for a while. He taught a Bible study earlier that day and after that he took a turn for the worse. It was Monday night when I got word that he had passed away.

There had been plenty of text messages throughout the day and afterward to keep every one abreast of Greg’s status. Some of those were texts of unbelief, some of them were sharing stories from church, and some of them were messages of support to each other.

This morning I sat out on the side porch. As I sat with a cup of coffee, I looked at the beautiful sky and the bright sunshine. It was the perfect start to the day. I thought of Greg and smiled. I imagined the joy he was currently experiencing. I know that I’m going to miss him here, but I also believe that I will see him again.

I remembered he wanted to start a choir at our church. He gathered all of us together for practice. He had no music, he just sang our parts for us. He sat at his keyboard and would play the melody or the notes and we eventually got to where we all knew the song. It was pretty amazing to start from the top and put everyone together and hear how it magically all came together.

I smiled today because I pictured my brother in Christ walking with the Lord. He is free from pain and probably trying to lead the choir of Heaven. This makes me rejoice for him.

I had texted Wilma before he passed and told her to tell him I loved him and that I would see him on the other side. She said that she would. I’m sure he will be waiting to put me in the tenor or bass section of the choir when I join him up there.

I remember one week at church our pastor was out of town and I preached the message. After we sang hymns, there was always special music. That week we brought in Chris Rice’s Untitled Hymn. Greg loved it. I remember him singing it at his keyboard a few weeks later for us. I thought of the last verse when I heard he passed away:

With your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory’s side

And fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live

In the Mercy Me song, Homesick, the lyric says, “In Christ there are no goodbyes” and I believe that. It’s not goodbye my friend, it is “see you later.” I love you, my brother. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Thank You, Nancy!

Nancy was a music teacher at the school district I attended. She was always wearing a smile and her student’s loved “Mrs. T.” She was a very special friend.

I worked part time for the district as a custodian, in between radio jobs when I was in my 20’s. I would get a call each day from the secretary who told my what school I would be heading to each day and who I was filling in for. I remember being at one elementary school in particular for a long stretch of time. It was during this time that Nancy and I got to talk more.

I went into the music room to clean, and she was there working late. I don’t recall what she was working on, but I re-introduced myself (it had been some years, since I was a young boy). She remembered me, and my (now ex) wife and her family. We had some wonderful conversations about life and, of course, music.

I remember talking to her about how we used to put on musical plays when I was in elementary school. We did one on Thomas Edison (The Electric Sunshine Man), the year before they did Annie (Which scarred me for life), and I played the lead in The Runaway Snowman. She smiled as I recalled those memories. She loved working with students and she was glad to share many stories.

After I left the district and moved for a radio job, I lost touch with her. She reconnected with me on Facebook and we began to chat again. She was always interested in my life and supportive during some tough times. When Sam and I got married, she sent congratulations. When Ella was born, she made her a beautiful blanket/quilt. She was right there to congratulate us again when Andrew was born.

Over the past few months, I noticed she was a bit absent more than usual. It wasn’t until just recently I found out she had been in and out of the hospital. During that time, she was diagnosed with cancer and she came home to hospice in mid-May.

Her family set up a page for her on Caring Bridge, which allowed her friends and family to receive updates. You had to be approved to take part, so I reached out to one of her daughters. In talking with her, she asked for my address because Nancy had something for Andrew. I asked for her address in return, because I had misplaced it, so I could send a card.

On Sunday, I sealed up the card and was going to drop it in the mail Monday morning. When I awoke Monday, I saw that a new journal entry had posted. Her daughter posted that Nancy had passed away earlier that morning. I was heartbroken.

Just over an hour after I read of her passing, there was a knock at the door and a package was left. It was from Nancy. Inside was a gift for Andrew and gifts for Ella.

Nancy had made a blanket/quilt just like she had made for Ella, for Andrew.

Ella was excited to open up her gifts, too. Nancy had sent two pop-up books with shapes and colors. Ella loves books and immediately began to read them – while sitting on Andrew’s blanket!

I won’t lie, I was kind of overwhelmed with emotion. Nancy was gone, and yet, she still managed to shower my family with her kindness. Inside the package was a card:

Rest assured that there will be plenty of snuggles and smiles, Nancy. I hope you can here me expressing my gratitude to you for loving my family and for your friendship.

After the news began to spread of her passing, I was not surprised at all to see that she showed kindness to many others.

One post read: “Years ago, a wonderful woman looked at a beaten down young boy who she thought had amazing musical talent. She took that young boy under her wing and taught him the greatest joy in life – music. She also taught him all of the wonderful things music could do for him in his life. When in high school, she believed so much in this young man she helped pay for his vocal lessons so he could continue his talent and passion for music.”

Another wrote: “She was a wonderful, kind woman whose absence in our music department was felt the moment she retired a few years after I started teaching. Memory eternal, Nancy. Thank you for having such a profound impact on me.”

Yet another wrote: “You were inspiring in so many ways and will definitely be missed.. I’m glad you got to meet my kids and teach Emily music. We love you”

Another: “Mrs. T was a truly amazing teacher. Such devotion and compassion as hers is not seen enough in a lifetime. It was an absolute privilege to have you as a teacher, and for my children’s teacher. Thank you for your kindness and years of dedication. You will be missed.”

There were also posts from friends she had for decades! She obviously was a very special lady.

I began this blog with a picture that had a quote on it:

” There are some who bring a light so bright to the world that even after they have gone the light remains.”

Nancy “light” will definitely continue to shine for many years to come. Her influence and impact that she made on her students will live on through them. Her friends will forever have wonderful memories of her and the times they shared.

I will always look at those blankets and think of my wonderful friend.

Heaven’s choir obtained a wonderful voice this week.

Thank you, for being you, Nancy!

My List Keeps Growing

I wanted to do a quick blog about something that has been on my mind for the past couple days. My prayer list seems to get longer and longer each and every day. I can’t even really blame it on the pandemic, although it certainly has played a part in it.

As I scroll through Facebook, I will often come across a friend who is asking for prayers. It could be in relation to the loss of a loved one or maybe a family member who is hospitalized. Sometimes the prayer request is an “open” one where the friend asks for prayer without revealing why they need them. Many times I will stop scrolling and pray at that moment, while other times I add them to a list.

That list is a long one. This week I added two more friends who shared that they have entered the cancer battlefield. They are my age. We went to school together. It’s not fair. God, do I hate cancer!

Breast Cancer cut the lives of my mom and grandmother short. Lung Cancer took the life of a radio friend. Brain cancer took the life of a young gal I met while doing a radiothon for kids with cancer. It doesn’t matter what type of cancer it is, I really hate it. I am grateful for my friends who are cancer survivors – I have many of them and I have prayed for them all.

To my two friends who shared their diagnosis with me and are beginning your battle – I will pray for you and am here for you if you need to vent, cry, or complain. For my friends who continue their fight, I pray for you, too. For those who are in remission and cancer survivors – you are an inspiration to those who are in the fight.

Keep Fighting! I’m praying for you!

So much death …

For 5 days, I have opened my blog with every intention of writing. I have stared at the blank page, not really knowing what to write. How do I begin to even tackle what has been on my mind? I mean, I didn’t even tell my wife about it until just a couple days ago. I guess I didn’t realize just how much I was thinking about it until a couple weeks of constant dreams and a discussion with my therapist.

Maybe it is the “rising Covid numbers.” Maybe it is the fact that I am now required by work to get vaccinated or lose my job. Maybe it is the fact that death just seems a whole lot more common on my Facebook news feed. I’m not sure, but it seems like I am thinking a lot about it.

I have sleep apnea and wear my CPAP every night. That should allow me to sleep through the night without waking up every couple hours due to apnea. I have checked the CPAP app on my phone and according to it, I am not having enough apneas to wake me up, so why am I up every hour? It’s bad enough to constantly wake up, but when you lay there and fight to go back to sleep, it can be aggravating.

Even trying to fall asleep, my mind will not shut off. My prayers are interrupted with random thoughts. As I close my eyes, I begin to have bizarre thoughts. I find myself screaming inside my head “STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT!” I have tried those apps that play music and “talk” you to sleep. I have tried to put myself in my “happy place,” but my mind just doesn’t want to shut off.

In the past year, I have seen too many people pass away. Not all of them had Covid, but some did. Heart attack, sepsis, old age, cancer, and other illnesses have claimed the lives of friends, former teachers, and former co-workers. Just this week a friend from high school lost her life to Covid.

There is that old quote that says something about the only two certainties in life are death and taxes. A pastor friend of mine always says that the “death rate is still one apiece.” In the Bible, it reads: “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” (Hebrews 9:27). In a book I was reading this week it said “You’re only one breath away from eternity.” All of those quotes are true.

I can’t even explain the uneasiness and anguish I have experienced over the past couple weeks. I’m not even sure why! Without getting theological or anything, I will say that I am not afraid of death, because I have settled that issue and know where I am going when I die. That may sound pompous, but I stand by my faith and trust that my Savior, Jesus Christ, died for me.

Despite the fact that I have peace with this, I have found myself laying in bed wondering about things. I have literally laid there with my eyes closed thinking about what I need to write down in a letter to my each of children should something happen or a love letter to my wife. What would I need to tell my dad or my brother? My mind races with these things for absolutely no reason.

As I look around at what is going on in the world, I see things happening that don’t sit well with me. I see such division. I see so much hate. I see (and feel) distrust for the government. There is way too much of the “I’m right! You’re wrong!” mentality. It makes me sad.

I have talked to people “for” and “against” the vaccine. So much uncertainty. I worry. I’m scared. I shouldn’t be, but I am. Is this where it all stems from? God only knows. God give me peace in the days and weeks ahead, please.