The Music of My Life – 1983

Welcome back to The Music of My Life, where I feature ten songs from each year of my life.  In most cases, the ten songs I choose will be ones I like personally (unless I explain otherwise). The songs will be selected from Billboard’s Year-end Hot 100 Chart, Acclaimed Music, and will all be released in the featured year.

I turned 13 in 1983. I had a paper route and a weekly income because of it. I spent my money on toys, books and music. I loved going into Harmony House and buying 45’s or albums. As I get deeper into the 80’s, I’m seeing more and more songs that I “had” to have.

I am noticing something about a lot of the songs on my lists. There have been some that have not necessarily been meaningful to me the year they were released, but wound up being important later on in my life. That is the case of a few of them from this year. That being said, let’s check out my list….

When Lionel Richie left the Commodores, he had a number one song with “Truly.” The follow up song has always been one of my favorites. I can still see and hear my mother singing along the the chorus of “You Are.”

What I love about this is the fact that while it is a love song, it has some tempo to it. It also has a horn section. Future hit maker Richard Marx sang backup on this track. His first job in music was singing on the Lionel Richie album, and he proved himself on this track, which required some deft background vocals. Richard told songfacts.com: “Every session I ever did with Lionel, or for him, was a very fun atmosphere. I’ve been on so many sessions where it’s a downer, and you just try to get through it and nobody is having fun. Lionel is always having fun – no matter what.”

You Are

When I worked in country radio, I used to go to the Country Radio Seminar. It was a place where you got to hear various panels discussing programming, promotions and more. There were plenty of artists there (both old and new) to entertain. We’d often bring stuff for artists to sign so we could auction them off for St. Jude.

Every night there was always a show somewhere. Everyone had always talked about “the boat.” One record label would bring folks about the General Jackson Showboat and provide dinner and drinks. While us radio people would sit and eat, they would bring artists out on the stage to play for us. Many times it was familiar artists featuring their new songs or new artists that the label wanted to showcase.

One of the things about the boat was that there were always one or two surprise guests. You never knew who might show up. The year before my first boat ride, Huey Lewis had mad an appearance. The first time I was on the boat, they wheeled out this piano on the stage. Next, they brought out Ronnie Milsap and I was thrilled. I had always loved his music and he did not disappoint.

He came out laughing and joking and cranked out a few songs, including Stranger In My House. It was written by Mike Reid, who was a defensive tackle for the Cincinnati Bengals for five seasons and had a couple country hits of his own. The song was a country hit and also crossed over to the AC and Hot 100 charts.

The song is done in a minor key and from the opening chords, I was hooked.

Stranger In My House

Anyone who goes through a divorce or a break up knows that what follows can be a rough road. The next song is an example of a song that meant nothing to me at the time, but years later it did.

The fighting, the bickering, the pettiness, the blame, the suffering, the accusations and all the things that comes with a divorce is difficult enough. Once they hand you the final decree, it is important to start anew. I had a wonderful support system in place for me and as time passed, I looked back to see that I was making it. I had been through the war and I had made it to the victory.

Elton John’s I’m Still Standing was used in an animated movie called “Sing.” It was while watching that with the kids that I really heard and felt the lyrics. I can look in the mirror and know that I’m Still Standing and life is GOOD!

I’m Still Standing

Remember ELO’s song “Motor Factory?” Of course, you don’t. That’s because as the group was recording the song, it went through a bunch of changes. They lyrics were completely changed and it became Rock and Roll Is King. The song was released as a single from their Secret Messages album.

ELO’s Dave Morgan said in an interview, “I sang on quite a few tracks, I sang on ‘Rock ‘N’ Roll Is King’. I played on that one, but it wasn’t called that, it was something about something about working at Austin Longbridge! It was full of car plant sounds, you could hear it going clank, clank, clank, like somebody hitting a lathe with a hammer, and Jeff went away and made it into ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Is King’, wiped off everything we’d done, no, there was still some backing left in there, It was much better how he finished it off than it was before.”

I remember recording this off the radio as a kid. I didn’t realize that there was (what we radio guys call) a “fake cold” ending. That’s where the song stops, you think it’s over, and they come back and sing again. The first time I recorded it off the radio I hit pause on the fake cold, only for ELO to start singing again. Urgh! I got smart after that and went and bought the single.

Rock and Roll Is King

Fleetwood Mac’s Lindsey Buckingham released a few solo albums in the 80’s. Despite some songs that were Top 40 hits, not many folks can recall them. There is, however, one song that folks know thanks to the misadventures of a family named Griswold.

Thanks to National Lampoon’s Vacation, Buckingham’s song Holiday Road had become his best known song. That’s really saying something for a song that never cracked the Top 40 and peaked at #82 when it was released. The song almost didn’t happen.

Actor/director Harold Ramis asked Buckingham to create two songs for his film National Lampoon’s Vacation. He was initially reluctant, believing that soundtrack work “wasn’t part of his discipline.” Thankfully, he decided to grant Ramis’s request, and wrote. Buckingham recorded “Holiday Road” without seeing the entire film. He figured that the movie “had to be somewhat uplifting and a little bit funny”. To keep in line with that, he added dog barks near the end of the song, unaware that the movie featured a scene where a dog is accidentally dragged to death from the bumper of a car.

It is one of those songs that makes you unconsciously press down a bit too much on the gas pedal if your driving while it is playing. I’m not sure I ever “got” the video for the song, though.

Holiday Road

ZZ Top’s Eliminator album was one of few albums that have sold over 10 million copies in America, earning Diamond certification. I helped it get there! This was an album that I remember buying and dropping the needle on for the first time. It had such a neat sound.

Billy Gibbons says that he got the idea for Sharp Dressed man when he saw a movie and a character was listed in the credits as “Sharp-Eyed Man.” According to songfacts.com, the song attracted a slew of new fans to ZZ Top when the video ran constantly on MTV. Their long beards made them instantly recognizable and the babes certainly helped, but the car was the real star.

Prior ZZ Top albums had a Tex-Mex vibe, but when it came time to sort out visuals for the album, the hot rod was finally ready – Gibbons had been working on it for years. It was good timing, giving them an MTV-friendly focal point just when they needed it. They had never made videos before and had no acting experience, but their videos provided everything MTV’s target audience craved: girls, rock and roll, and a really sweet ride.

The music video was the first that was a sequel. It picked up the story from the “Gimme All Your Loving” video of the down-on-his-luck gas station worker who is swept away by three beautiful women. In “Sharp Dressed Man,” he’s a valet, and he encounters the same three girls and is once again given the keys to the Eliminator, Billy Gibbons’ 1933 Ford Hot Rod.

Sharp Dressed Man

I had no idea in 1983 that I would be working as a sleep technologist. The next song is one that is based on a real sleep disorder – somniloquy (Sleep talking). “Talking In Your Sleep” is the biggest hit of The Romantics’ career. In fact, it’s their only Top 10 hit, and only one other song by them (“One in a Million”) even made it to the Top 40. Contrast that with the number of times you’ve heard their song, “What I Like About You,” which only made it to #49.

I love this story about the song: As usual, MTV helped boost The Romantics’ success right around this time with videos of their songs. In Greg Prato’s book MTV Ruled the World, Romantics’ lead singer Jimmy Marinos talks about this song: “That was the last song recorded for the album In Heat. All we had was a backtrack, the instrumental part of the song. And we realized it was too good a track to leave unfinished. So everybody put their heads together, and in a couple of days, we finished up the song melodically and lyrically.” Ha also mentions that the video was filmed at 8:00 in the morning in Detroit, surrounded by girls in their jammies, at what was deemed “not really rock ‘n’ roll hours.” So if they look like they just woke up, that’s because they did – and it works great!

Check out their hair in this video!!

Talking In Your Sleep

Two years ago, Dave Ruch invited a bunch of us to write a column for his Turntable Talk feature. The first topic was about why the Beatles are still relevant, the next song is an example of their influence.

When Genesis began to write That’s All, it was intended as an attempt to write a simple pop song with a melody in the style of The Beatles. Phil Collins even acknowledged in a subsequent interview that the song also features one of his attempts at a “Ringo Starr drum part.”

Genesis keyboard player Tony Banks was one of the first to use an Emulator, which was one of the first digital samplers (it was introduced in 1981). Banks would record his bandmate Mike Rutherford as he noodled around on his instruments, then play around with those samples to craft a track, which is how this song developed.

That’s All was the band’s first Top 10 hit in the US, setting the stage for their tremendous success the rest of the decade as they adapted their sound from progressive rock to tighter pop songs. The video certainly played a part in the success of the song, too. It depicts the band as homeless men taking shelter outside a disused factory. They perform the song, eat soup, play cards, and keep warm around an open fire. It was the first time Genesis used director Jim Yukich, who would direct the majority of their next videos as well as many of Collins’s solo videos.

That’s All

Remember the group Blue Angel? Me either. It was the group that Cyndi Lauper was in in 1981. It was her solo career and her first single, however, that made her famous. It is interesting to note that Girls Just Wanna Have Fun didn’t start out as the female anthem that Cyndi made it.

A Philadelphia singer/songwriter named Robert Hazard, who had a band called Robert Hazard and the Heroes, wrote it. He recorded a demo of it in 1979. Speaking with Rolling Stone, Lauper said that she had to alter the lyrics from Hazard’s original. “It was originally about how fortunate he was ’cause he was a guy around these girls that wanted to have ‘fun’ – with him”

Believe it or not, Cyndi didn’t want to record this song, but her producer, Rick Chertoff, was convinced it could become her anthem. The challenge for her was figuring out how to sing it. She ended up doing her vocal in the style of the ’50s hit “Let the Good Times Roll” by Shirley & Lee, which Shirley Goodman sings in a high-pitched voice. It obviously worked as the song went to number 2 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

MTV again played into the success of the song, as this was a very fun video to watch. The video, which ran constantly on MTV, features the wrestler Captain Lou Albano as Lauper’s father, and also Lauper’s real-life mother, who had no acting experience but did just fine. It won the first ever award for Best Female Video at the 1984 MTV Video Music Awards.

The song had a huge influence on how girls dressed in the 80’s. When I think of it, I can picture so many of my gal friends who dressed like Cyndi.

Girl’s Just Want To Have Fun

Everyone I grew up with had the 1984 album from Van Halen. The song actually was a bigger hit in 84, but it is on this list because it was released in December of 1983. Jump is just one of many songs that used synthesizers in the 80’s. The synthesizer intro for Van Halen’s Jump is iconic, but not everyone in the band wanted to use it.

The synthesizer was a point of contention in the band. Eddie wanted to use it, but lead singer David Lee Roth thought it would look like they were selling out to get more radio play. Eddie was classically trained on piano growing up – he didn’t start playing guitar until he was a teenager – so it wasn’t that far a stretch for him. Had the band brought in an outside keyboard player they probably would have gotten a lot of flak, but Eddie was held in such high esteem that fans were happy to hear him on another instrument.

Songfacts.com says: 1984 was David Lee Roth’s last album with Van Halen before he left the band in 1985; the video for “Jump” inflamed the tensions that led to his departure. The video was produced by Robert Lombard, who wanted to show the personal side of the band on stage. Roth, however, wanted the performance intercut with footage of him doing other things, so they shot him doing things like riding a motorcycle and getting arrested while wearing nothing but a towel. Lombard edited the video and used none of the extra Roth footage, taking it to Eddie and Alex for approval. Two days later, the band’s manager fired him for bypassing Roth. Lombard says he never received the award the video won from MTV.

Jump

Next week, we’ll look at songs from 1984. 1984 was a big year for me in a lot of ways. Musically, it was a big year for ballads. With a mix of country, R&B, and a song that led to me embarrassing myself on the air years later, it will be an interesting list!

Tell me about your favorite from 1983 that I may have missed in the comments and I will see you next week.

Bestie Birthday Wish

While she has been mentioned before in a few blogs, I have one friend who has never had one completely devoted to her. Today, on her birthday, I want to rectify that.

As we get older, memories tend to fade. Details can get lost. We may remember things a bit differently than they actual happened. That’s one of the reasons I try to put things down here on my blog, to preserve those memories. Earlier this week, I focused on music from 1982, which is where we have to go for the beginning of my friendship with Margaret.

In our school district, there were like seven or eight elementary schools. So when we merged together in 7th grade, we met a whole lot of new people and made many new friends. I am sure that Margaret and I had more than just one class together in 7th grade, but I just don’t really remember anything but band class.

I can almost bet that I was the one who started talking to her. I remember thinking that she was pretty and so I bugged her a lot. I know that I drove her crazy. I was a pest. FYI – junior high Keith was a real dork. Yet, she was sweet and talked to me. Before the summer, we swapped phone numbers. I spent a lot of time on the phone talking to her in 7th and 8th grade. This was in the days before “call-waiting” and it drove my mom crazy that I tied up the phone. I’m sure her folks felt the same way.

I remember passing notes in the hallway in school. Recently she sent me a picture of one that I wrote her. It was folded and read “To: A sexy girl I just happened to see walking down the hall and is my bestest friend. From: Some Goon.” I laughed. It was totally something I would write. I’m sure there was little or no content in the letter, more than likely it read, “This class sucks. What are you doing later? Steve broke my trumpet today,” or something like that.

Our friendship grew throughout high school. We became very close. I think her folks, my folks, and certainly my grandparents wanted us to date, but we had a very special friendship and that was fine with us. We never dated, but went on dates, if that makes sense. We went to a few dances together in school (Homecoming, Snowball Dance). After one of those dances, I remember we were sitting in her driveway and ready to wrap up the evening. We had been talking and knowing that she was going to go in the house, we both sat there for a minute. I’m pretty sure I was the one who moved in for a kiss, and as we got close to each other, we both started laughing. We just knew that we’d never be more than friends.

We both had Ford Escorts our senior year of high school. She tried to teach me how to drive a stick shift in hers in the school parking lot. I just wasn’t getting it and most likely burned out her clutch. She got me back one day, though. I was in the band room early, as I always was. She came busting through the band room doors and said, “Where’s Keith!!??” I came out of the band library and she was crying saying, “I hit your car!” The parking lot was icy and she slid into the bumper of my car and caused it to dent in. It was really nothing and we both laugh about that to this day.

Margaret was always smarter than me. She was in the higher math and English classes. She was always getting her homework done (unlike me). She did like to cause trouble occasionally. I am sure that I blogged about this before, but Margaret, Ronnie and I all went out to TP our friend Steve’s house for his birthday. After the job, we stood on his front lawn and looked up at his bedroom window and sang “Happy Birthday.” As we turned to run away, the three of us were grabbed by a couple policemen who threw us in the back of their police cruiser. I think we all thought we were going to jail! Graduation wasn’t too far away and I remember freaking out! Steve’s mom smoothed it over for us and we were all let go – to clean up our mess.

After high school, she was off to college and would go on to become a nurse. She got married and had children before I did. At this point, let me quote from an earlier blog (1/1/2020):

When her daughter, Marissa, was born she asked me to be her Godfather. I was honored to do it. A Godfather is a very important role for an Italian. When I got married the first time, sadly, I saw less and less of Margaret and my Goddaughter. Whenever I was supposed to get together with them, I was always informed that we couldn’t go or we had something to do with my ex’s family. (If you have followed this blog for any length of time, you are well aware of the narcissism that I dealt with and how miserable my life had become.)

After the divorce, Margaret was one of the first to reach out to me. She completely understood what was going on. Her forgiveness meant everything to me. I hurt her. I was hurt, too. I lost many years of our friendship, and I lost so many moments with my Goddaughter. After all of that, Margaret (and many other friends) had every right to just stop talking to me, but our friendship meant so much, that we have picked up where we left off.

When I attended my Goddaughter’s 21st birthday party, I pulled her aside and apologized for missing so many important things in her life. How do you explain that to someone? As I looked back on the past, my stomach was in knots. I was sickened to think of how I must have made so many people feel. She didn’t bat an eye, however, and told me she loved me and we all enjoyed a great evening! I remember driving home from her party crying my eyes out. It wasn’t fair to her that I missed so many things. It makes me angry to know that I missed so much, but I am also happy that I can try to make up for lost time with her!

From that party – two of my favorite pictures:

Shortly before our daughter was born, Sam and I went to lunch/drinks with Margaret and her husband Walt. We really had a great time. We laughed a lot and shared some stories (like the ones above) that our spouses were hearing for the first time). Much like Sam, Margaret was also a very important part of my post-divorce life. Reconnecting with her was so special to me. Again, from that earlier blog:

During lunch, Margaret said something that struck a chord. It was something that made me sad, and happy at the same time. She said, “I have seen you more and talked to you more in the past two years, than the entire time you were married.” This made me sad, because of what I touched on early – a great friendship almost destroyed, as well as the relationship between my Goddaughter and me, all because of the stupidity of someone else. It made me happy to know that our friendship remains and will grow even stronger in the years ahead.

It has certainly done that! She and Walt brought us food at the hospital the night Ella was born. She has become the most amazing aunt to Ella and Andrew! She loves them so much and spoils them rotten. What a blessing she is to me and my family.

Margaret,

I can’t help but think back on the incredible and amazing journey of our friendship. I am reminded of the countless moments that have brought so much joy and meaning to my life. From the day we met, I knew there was something special about you, beside you being Italian! I am so grateful for your genuine kindness, your support and advice, and of course, your infectious laughter. Throughout it all, your constant support has been a source of comfort and inspiration for me.

On your birthday, I want to tell you how much you mean to me. For years, you have been a rock through thick and thin, always there to listen and offer non-biased advice and counsel. You’ve celebrated my successes as if they were your own and offered me an ear during my toughest times. Our friendship is a treasure that I cherish deeply.

I read something recently that I can easily apply to you and me: “Everyone has ‘a friend’ for each stage of life, but only lucky ones have that ‘same friend’ in all stages of life.” THANK YOU for being that ‘same friend” to me!

Today, I wish you happiness, love, and laughter. I thank you for all the wonderful memories of the past and look ahead to many more in the future. I love you, my friend.

Friday Photo Flashback

I take you back to September of 1999 today. Knowing what I know now, it can be hard to look back at this day. No one ever gets married thinking that it will end in divorce. Believe it or not, the divorce rate in America has been declining since the 1990’s. They used to say that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but it is really less than that. The American Psychological Association (APA) estimates that the probability of a first marriage ending in divorce is 41% in 2024.

As I look back, I know that while my first marriage ended, it led to me having two sons. I also know that if it hadn’t ended, I would not have found the happiness I experience today. I am truly married to my soul mate and she has blessed me with my daughter and my third son. It is true that when something ends, there is always a new beginning that follows.

I ran into a friend the Monday after our reception. I was dropping off the cake plate at a local bakery. He looked at me and said, “Dude! Your reception was like a variety show!” I always thought that was the best compliment.

We had a ton of fun for sure. We did your standard wedding stuff, but as a wedding DJ, I tried to make sure we did things a bit differently. First, I hired the best DJ I have ever seen. Marc and Jim went to school with us and they knew how to work a room. They had everyone dancing all night.

When we did the YMCA, all the groomsmen and I had the hats of the Village People and did the dance up on chairs (something I always did at weddings). My ex did an up-tempo dance with her dad. I danced a tarantella with my Italian grandmother. We did the chicken dance with a rubber chicken. I brought the guys from my bowling team out to the middle of the dance floor and we did a shot to our “team song” (Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash). There was always something going on.

The men who were my groomsmen were the guys who have been friends for life. They are my inner circle. My best friend, Jeff I’ve known since second grade. My pals Steve and Joe were in band together since 7th grade. My other buddy Steve used to DJ with me and we’ve been friends since we got together in alumni band. Then, of course, my brother, who I’ve known all his life.

I wanted to do something silly with just them. Steve and I used to do this Blues Brothers thing to kick off our events and I thought we would do something along those lines. I remembered the scene in the Blues Brothers movie where Ray Charles sings “Shake a Tailfeather.” In it he calls out all kinds of dances and a large group of dancers dance along (doing those dances) outside Ray’s place as they sing.

I got Blues Brothers hats and sunglasses and had a radio buddy put together an intro that was played before we came out to dance. They guy who did it produced this 5 minute long thing that was a bit much. Thankfully, the crowd forgot all about it when we came out and danced.

The guys had no idea how to do the Boogaloo, the Monkey, or the Watusi. I told them we’d make it us as we went along. They all kind of watched me and followed along. On cue, when the lyrics called for us to “bend over” and shake our tailfeathers, we did!

Honestly, we looked like fools, but what a great way to share some fun with the guys who will always mean a lot to me. These guys will forever be my “capos.” It has been too long since we’ve all gotten together. I hope we can rectify that soon.

What a great time! What great friends!

Prompt: That Was Then, This Is Now

Maggie, at From Cave Walls, and Lauren, at LSS Attitude of Gratitude, alternate hosting Throwback Thursday. The idea of the prompt is for them to give us a topic and for us to write a post in which we share our own memories or experiences about the given topic.

This week’s prompt is: That Was Then And This Is Now  “Growing up, we all had dreams and aspirations.  I’d like you to think back about what you were like and what you wanted as a kid compared to the adult choices you made.

Here are the questions and my responses:

When you were a kid, did you like your name? Would you have changed it if you could? Do you like it now?

I suppose I liked my name growing up. I really didn’t have a reason not to like it. I was the only Keith in my class and I was ok with that. It always bugged me that people always spelled it wrong, even though I know why (i before e, except after c – so everyone spelled it Kieth).

I really don’t think I would change it. I wasn’t even aware that a name change was possible, and then I found out my dad had actually legally changed his name from Salvatore to Sam, which everyone called him.

Yes, I like it just fine.

As a kid, what always brought a smile to your face? What about now, as an adult? (family-friendly please)

As a kid – summer and all that came with it: vacations, baseball games with friends, trips up north, running through the sprinkler. As an adult, my family. My children make me smile everyday. My wife also makes me smile. The times that we can all be together are priceless.

What was the most important lesson your parents taught you? Did you pass that lesson down to your family? The most important lesson(s) I learned from my parents was to always be supportive, respectful and responsible. I hope that I have passed that down in the way I have parented my children.

Are there talents you started as a child that you still have? If so, what are they?

I don’t know that I would call it a talent, but I always seemed to be able to make people laugh, I truly try to bring levity and fun to wherever I go. I also seem to be good at whipping off some sort of silly rhyme on command. I am a far cry from Nipsey Russell, but I get by.

Is there something you regret not doing or starting when you were young? What was it?

This is sort of a loaded question, because I think I am where I am at today because of where I have been and the decisions made along the way (good and bad). I do regret not going to college right away, but it was probably better that I didn’t. I’m sure I would have flunked out. I also wish I had learned to play the guitar at a young age. My dad recently gave me an acoustic guitar that I hope to try to teach myself.

Did you have more close friends as a kid or as an adult? Any idea why?

I would guess I have more close friends today than I did as a kid. I had a couple good friends growing up (and they are still good friends today), but I think we were kind of the “weird kids” and we all decided to just hang out with each other. As far as “why,” I am not sure. The ones who were important to me still are. They are the ones I confide in, complain to, and share with.

Where did you go to think as a kid? Where do you go now?

As a kid I would often walk up to the elementary school and sit on the swings to think. I spent hours there, sometimes alone and sometimes with a friend. When I got my license, I would drive up to Jefferson Ave and sit by the water. On occasion, I would get to watch a moon rise which was spectacular. Now, I would guess I drive around in my car or go for a walk. If the weather is not ideal, I guess I think in bed.

What would be the name of the chapter of your life from 10 – 18? What would the name be the name of the chapter of your life currently?

Wow, that’s tough. That’s an entire 8 year span and so much was going on. Perhaps it might be called, “Finding Myself” or ” Struggle” or “What Next?” The chapter name for my life currently might easily be “A Wonderful New Beginning” or “The Second Chance” or “Happily Ever After.”

What wonderful thing happened in your adult life that your child self could never have imagined?

Divorce might not be what you expect to see in this answer, and as a child, I never thought it would happen to me. But it was a “wonderful” thing that brought about the opportunity to meet and marry my soul mate and have two more children.

Would your child self like your adult self? Why or why not?

I would think that my child self would like my adult self. After all, we both have the same taste in movies, music, and TV. We also love baseball, golf, and football. We also love the same types of books. I’d think we’d have plenty in common …

I’d love to see your answers to these questions, too!

A Blog I’ve Been Avoiding

After much thought, I have decided to sit and write about something that is really hurting me. I am writing this for the sole purpose of talking about it in hopes that it will calm my inner soul to “get it out.” Please bear with me.

Today is my second son’s birthday. He is 15 today. He lives with his mother (my ex). I’m supposed to see him three weekends a month. I’m not sure exactly when it all started happening, but at some point those visits were based on whether or not he wanted to come over.

A few days before I was texting him to ask if he was coming over. He would answer on occasion, but not always. His mother told me a few months ago that she assumed I wasn’t asking him to come over. She suggested a text conversation that included my son, her and me. Since then, I have texted and asked him if he was coming over and wouldn’t get a response from either one of them.

The last time he was over was early May. When we got Covid, I texted to say that it might be a week or two before he should come over. After getting clearance to go back to work, I texted and said, “Cleared to go back to work. Hope to see you this weekend.” A few days later I texted to see if he was planning to come over. This text he responded to. “No Thanks.”

On my birthday, I received a call from my oldest son, but never heard a word from my second oldest. I sent him a text on the first weekend of June asking if he was planning on coming over and got no response this time.

My oldest son has a Facebook messenger group that includes his friends, his friends parents, his brother, and my ex and I. They are always communicating on this thing. Lately, each family has been hosting a get together every weekend. One family has a pond in their back yard that they can all swim in. My sons were there the second weekend of June, so again, no visit.

Father’s Day weekend there was a fair in town and they were discussing going there. I believe they went Friday and Sunday, but had talked about going Saturday, too. My oldest son stated that he worked on Saturday and so they planned on just Friday and Sunday – Sunday, of course, being Father’s Day.

With the group discussing the fair, my ex chimed in and said that the 4 of them (her, my sons, and her boyfriend) should go to the fair in the morning. Then she suggested they “Chill before we do the Father’s Day dinner.” Because of this, I didn’t text my son to see if he was coming, because they obviously had plans.

I had to wonder, though, shouldn’t the “Father’s Day dinner” be with their father?! Apparently not.

On Sunday, my oldest son called me to wish me Happy Father’s Day. He asked what my plans for the day were. I told him that I didn’t know what I was going to do. I said I might head to the store, but other than that, I’d be home. Deep down, I expected him to ask if he could stop over, but he didn’t. It was ok, I knew he had plans.

I never heard from my other son.

I didn’t text this week to see if he was coming. I knew his birthday fell on Saturday and that his mom probably had something planned for him. There is certainly no way, he’d want to be with me. So I dropped a birthday card in the mail earlier in the week. I am sure that it has already arrived. I’m not surprised that I haven’t gotten a “Thank you” yet.

I cannot describe how much it hurts to be shunned by your child. I have reached out so many times, without getting a response. I understand that the divorce wasn’t easy for him. Hell, it wasn’t easy for any of us. But in the end, it was the thing that had to happen. When he uses phrases that his mom has used in conversation with me, like “your other family” and such, I know where they came from.

I saw a quote as I debated whether or not to write this blog:

“I wish I could give you my pain just for one moment. Not to hurt you, but rather so you can finally understand how much you hurt me.”

He is a teenager. He’s got a lot of things going on. He has depression. He has had a very rough year in school. There are a whole lot of feelings he is sorting through. I will hope and pray that one day – when he is ready – we can once again have a relationship and move past all of this stuff. That’s all I can do. It really is up to him.

The hurt is real for me. He is my son. I love him. I will never NOT be his dad, despite what others may be telling him. I will be here for him. In the meantime, I will continue to reach out.

It is also is important not to let these things interfere with or disrupt my life with my wife and other children. They need the best of me. I need to provide for them, too. I have to be a good father and husband to them, as well – and I will.

So there it is. It’s out. I hope that writing down at least some of my thoughts will help me. Thanks for listening/reading.

We now return to your regularly entertaining blog….

Sorting Out My G.E.R.D.

Throughout my life, I have seen therapists off and on for various reasons: my weight, depression, grief counseling, anger issues, my divorce, etc … Years ago, I was told by someone close to me that I was not making any progress and I was wasting money and time with therapy, so I stopped going. This led to many personal issues and my coming to the conclusion that before I could really “fix” the things I was having problems with, I had to “fix” me.

This led to me finding a therapist and sorting out many things. This blog’s creation stems from some of those therapy sessions. I had mentioned how therapeutic writing used to be and it was suggested to do it again. I have found it to be extremely helpful as I continue to sort out things.

Now, let me say that I know many people who are in therapy. Some of those people have these “breakthrough” sessions where they have an epiphany of some sort. Some of them have found that “one thing” that ties everything together. I have not had anything even close to that, although over the past couple sessions I feel like I’m getting close to something.

One topic that comes up often during the sessions is the death of my mom. I am very aware that she is not here. The anniversaries of her passing and her birthday weigh heavily on my mind when they happen. There are so many events that have happened since she passed away that find me wishing she was here for them. To sum it up briefly – I am dealing with many emotions when it comes to her.

There have been other developments in my life that have often taken up the precious 45 minute sessions that have delayed me really being able to dive in to the subject lately. But with some discussion and some pretty tough questions, I am sorting through my own G.E.R.D.

When you hear GERD, you think Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease because that is what it is often referred as. While I do suffer from GERD, the GERD I am sorting through consists of four specific things that surround many of the issues I am dealing with: Grief, Expectations, Regret, and Disappointment (and/or Depression).

These four things will become the subject of talks in the upcoming sessions. I have these four words written down in a notebook. Each has a page and I hope to be able to connect certain things to certain words and feelings. As of yet, I don’t have much of anything written. I stare at those four words and know that they are important. What about them will bring a resolution and allow me to put some of the baggage behind me and move forward?

I’m working on it …..

Blog # 300!!

Another Milestone

Well, here it is – my 300th blog post. To be completely honest, I have a few more than 300, but some were kept private. So this is my 300th “published” blog. Over the past few blogs, I knew this milestone blog was coming, and wondered just how a blogger celebrates this kind of achievement. I found that most look back and reflect on stats.

I don’t know about doing that. Does it matter that the most popular day my blog is viewed is Thursday? Are you impressed that in the first 299 blogs I have written 64,488 words? Does it thrill you to know that each blog averages about 921 words? I highly doubt that means anything to you.

A Short Reflection

300 blogs. It is amazing to actually look back and see the wide variety of content that I covered since beginning this blog:

  • The blog is full of many posts about music – some about specific tunes (Tune Tuesday) and some filled with many songs.
  • There have been many blogs about television – whether it be actual shows or just theme songs.
  • I have also written many blogs about movies – some as part of blogathons hosted by other bloggers and some of my personal favorites.
  • There have been blogs about holidays from throughout the year – some contain specific memories and some are just general thoughts.
  • I have written special blogs to family and friends – my mom, my dad, my grandparents, my godfather, my kids, my wife, and my lifelong friends.
  • There have been no shortage of radio stories about listeners and coworkers.
  • Some blogs were just full of random thoughts and observations.
  • There were blogs about celebrities – some funny, some musical, some just for the hell of it.
  • I shared the love story of my wife and me.
  • I shared with family and friends the news on our miracle baby and blogged about the days that led up to her arrival.
  • Of course, after she was born, there have been many wonderful stories and things to share about her as she continues to grow up.
  • I was honored to have my brother write a guest blog for me (and hope to have more in the future).
  • I opened up about many personal things – my divorce, thoughts on suicide, the changes in my personal life, reflections on life and death, my faith, and so many other topics I kept to myself.
  • There have been some “Question and Answer” blogs that contained things asked of me by friends and family.

Looking back, I am impressed with myself. Who knew I had it in me?

New Connections

If you have a Facebook, you know that they will occasionally give you friend suggestions. They will offer up “People You May Know.” Many of those suggestions stem from mutual friends. There are people that pop up and I have 65 mutual friends with them because we went to the same high school together, or we both have the same radio friends, etc…

With this blog, we don’t have that feature. However, through searching things for things like movies, TV, music, and such, I have found many bloggers that share my interests. I follow quite a few blogs and continue to add more to my “read” list. Some of those bloggers offer up personal stuff like I do on occasion. Some respond with personal stories to my personal blogs. Through that, I feel like I know many of them.

Max is a good example of this. He has blogged about things I remember and vice versa. We also share many of the same musical tastes. He actually helped me set up the index on the side of the blog. Since doing that, more of my older blogs are being read than before. We swapped e-mails and eventually phone numbers. When I called him to talk about the index and creating some pages, it was like talking to someone I had known for years. How cool is that?

Lessons Learned

After 300 blogs, I think it is important to note some of the things I have learned since the beginning. If you are a new blogger, maybe some of my observations can be useful to you.

Even with spellcheck, I make mistakes. I found going back through some older blogs that there are some typos. Some are spelling mistakes, some are grammatical. My one radio buddy, who also works for a newspaper, told me I need an editor. He then proceeded to tell me I couldn’t afford him! I need to be better at proofreading.

There really is no way to know which blogs will be popular. I have written blogs that I think will get a great response, only to see that is not the case. At the same time, I have written blogs that I feel are just “ok” topics, and had a ton of hits on it. You never really know. It hurts your ego a bit when a blog you think is great is barely read, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.

Keywords matter. I try to include as many “tags” as I can with each blog. I have found that this will ultimately lead to more followers and readers. My most read blog? It is about a scammer. I got an e-mail saying that someone noticed I spelled a word wrong and said I should download some app. With research, I found the app is actually something you want to avoid. The keyword “Scam” or “Scammer” has lead to many reading that blog and some even commenting saying that they got the same type of e-mail.

The personal blogs I wrote about suicide, divorce, staying positive, dealing with a narcissist, and depression led to many new people following this blog. Some went as far as to reach out and share their own stories about those things. You know, sometimes, it helps to know you aren’t the only one dealing with those issues.

Each blog represents a moment in time. It represents what I felt at a certain moment in time. Early on in my therapy, I was angered easily. I didn’t realize how certain things by certain people triggered it. I was not a pleasant person. Over time, I have learned to not let those things trigger anger. I have learned coping skills. I am a different person than who I was.

Think about your favorite TV show. Did you like it immediately? The first time I watched Seinfeld or Cheers, I was not impressed. Over time, I came to enjoy the shows more. At one moment in time, you may feel one way, and over time you can feel another way.

Many of my blogs are memories that I want to preserve for the future. Other blogs are about things I have observed. At the time, I felt a certain way about things – over time, my thoughts or feelings might change. It helps to keep that in perspective.

Write about what you are passionate about! Chances are if you are passionate about it, a reader will find it interesting. This same principle was suggested to me when I worked in radio. Share things that “make you feel!” Some readers love my musical blogs while some prefer my more personal ones. I am passionate about everything I write, however, not all things will appeal to everyone. Anyone who comes to this blog will see my love for all things entertainment, but also see my love for my family and my children!

Another principle from radio that translated to writing a blog is to simply “observe life.” Look around and take notice. A successful stand up comedian is one who observes little things, talks about it, and the audience says “Oh yeah! I have noticed that too!” George Carlin was a master observer! Take those things that you observe and relay them. You know the whole “which way should the toilet paper roll go on” thing was simply something that someone wondered about, right!?

I always loved the above Far Side Cartoon. It points out another lesson I have learned. Be yourself. You don’t have to agree with everything I write. That’s ok. You have a right to disagree with me. However, when I write, I’m going to be myself.

While it can sometimes feel like work, I find blogging to be fun. I enjoy writing. I also enjoy hearing from readers who comment on my blog. That’s as much fun as writing them.

There are some blogs that I just sit and write. Others (most of them), it takes time to plan out. Either way, I try to give myself time to think it through and get the flow. It takes time and sometimes, you have to MAKE time to write.

So there you have it ….

Blog #300. As a follower, I need to say thank you. I am truly glad that you are here. I always welcome your suggestions. How can I make this blog more enjoyable for you? Would you like to be a guest blogger? Please feel free to let me know. What do you like? What don’t you like? Feel free to suggest other blogs I might be interested in. Feel free to share this one with others.

Thank you so much for reading. Here is to the next 300 ….

2 Years of Ramblings – A Reflection

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Two Years Old

Word Press informs me that this blog turned two years old yesterday!  Two years and the blogging continues….

I wrote a blog reflecting on one year and some feelings remain the same.  Rather than look back on the entire two years, I thought I would reflect on the last year, which had many milestones!  Over the past year, I have gained many more followers, so for those new followers, let me give you a brief look at why this blog exists two years later.

The beginnings

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When I began this blog, I really didn’t have any idea of what it would be.  In my head, I thought that I might blog about some things I liked.  I also knew I would probably write about some favorite memories.  I might also write tributes to important people in my life or just random thoughts to help me deal with emotions or life situations.

This blog was meant for me.  It was to be a “sort of” therapy for me.  I envisioned it as a way to keep track of thoughts, write down stories I didn’t want to forget, and occasionally just vent. I had often joked about writing an autobiography, and in a way, this blog has become “chapters”.

I never thought that anyone would actually want to read these blogs (unless, of course, the blog mentioned them)!  Yet, here I am over two years later and I have “followers” – people who actually make it a point to read this no matter what the topic.  It humbles me.

Looking Back

If I were to compare “year one” with “year two” I would say the blogs leaned a lot more happy.  They contained many happy moments.  Looking back, I see how I have grown and learned to deal with certain people, certain situations, and look at things more objectively.  I have learned to think before reacting.  I have learned to separate myself from those things that bring on stress and make me uncomfortable.  I have gotten more in touch with the person I want to be. Looking back, I see much more happiness.  Life has been very good to me over the last year.

Musical Blogs

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Much like last year, there were plenty of blogs about music.  I began to post a song every Tuesday that held some special meaning.  Maybe the song was prompted by a singer’s birthday or it was just something I heard on the radio.  I admit toward the end of the year, I neglected the Tune Tuesday feature a bit.  I hope to be a bit more consistent with it in the year ahead.  Last year’s songs ranged from Dean Martin to Hugh Laurie to the Muppets!  I look forward to this year’s selections.

Memories of the Past

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Nostalgic memories are often featured here.  Many of them stem from things I see that bring back memories.  Some writings stem from an idea I got from a fellow blogger.  Some of the topics from last year included the ice cream man, toys I remember from my childhood, breakfast cereals from my childhood, memories of band class, the Sunday comics I used to read, books I read as a child and to my boys, and the summer baseball games I played in the neighborhood.  There was also a blog about Muppets phased out of Sesame Street.

Guest Blogger

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I toyed with this idea, and my little brother stepped up to bat.  It was fun to tell him to write whatever he wanted to and see what he came up with.  I really like this idea, and I hope to get a few others to write occasional pieces for this blog.  I am very open to this idea.  Let me know if you would like to do this!  You could write about me, our friendship, or expand on something I have already written.

Friendship salutes

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This year I saluted my oldest and best friend on his birthday.  I also saluted three of my friends from school/band in one blog because they all celebrated birthdays in October. Remembering some of the funny radio stories that involved my co-host Stephanie was a blast for sure!  Some blogs were inspired by friends and their posts on Facebook.  Year three I am already planning some overdue friendship blogs.  Stay tuned!

Movies

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This year, I did a series on my favorite movies by decade.  The idea was to pick one favorite film from each year you have been alive.  I was born in 1970, so I did a blog for each decade (70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and 2000’s).  I neglected to do 2010-2019, but now that we have entered the new decade, I will have to make sure to wrap that series up.  I really enjoy being able to write about my favorite films, and I found it a challenge to narrow it down to one each year.

Celebrities

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Last year I wrote about less celebrities than the year before.  I wrote about The Three Stooges, in a round about way, as I went with the boys to the Stooges Festival in Redford.  I devoted an entire blog to some of the very funny lines that Paul Lynde had from the Hollywood Squares.  The great Jack Benny got an much deserved blog on his birthday.  I also wrote about Elvis on the anniversary of his passing.  I believe that there are a few other celebrities who I could easily devote an entire blog to, I just wonder if folks would read it.

Television

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Along with movies and music, TV tends to be a topic I love to write about.  This year I wrote a blog about the classic 1966 Batman show.  I also wrote about my favorite TV shows of the 1950’s.  For Tune Tuesday, I picked Sanford and Son because of the theme song.  I really need to write about that show and some of my other favorites.  This year I blogged about the remake of All in the Family and The Jefferson’s which again brought me back to one of my original blogging ideas – “why must they remake everything!?”  I also had a chance to talk about one of my favorite Christmas TV specials this year.

Serious Topics

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While many blogs tend to focus on entertaining things, some blogs wind up being of a serious nature.  I am human.  I can’t be upbeat all the time.  I finally had the guts to write about the topic of divorce – just to see if I could do it. Death was also a topic.  I lost some close friends this year.  I also had friends of mine who lost loved ones.  Just this week alone, my buddy Chris lost his mom and a co-worker lost hers.  It’s a hard topic to write about, but I did.

Emotional Blogs

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As I look back over “year two”, there is no shortage of blogs that brought about strong emotions from me.  One of those stemmed from a photo shoot for my oldest son.  Senior pictures.  I still choke up as I think about him being a senior and graduating.  Speaking of graduation, my wife graduated with her Bachelor’s Degree in April.  I felt so much pride for her as she walked that stage.  She did all the work, so why it was so emotional for me, I don’t know.  I sometimes think I can get too emotional.  Rest assured – there are more emotional blogs in the year ahead!

Rants

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The blog also consisted of many personal rants.  Some I have mentioned (TV and Movie remakes, missing Muppets, and such), but I also ranted (and whined) about having the “man cold”.  That blog brought about much teasing from friends!  I also ranted about how much I miss record stores (prompted by a record player I received for my birthday).  I know I have other “rant” topics in my blogging notebook.

A Love Story

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Sam and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary.  I chose to take the occasion of our anniversary to tell “our story”. The people who were close to us knew the story, but many didn’t.  As sort of a “love letter” to my wife, and as a way to tell just how our wonderful relationship began, I wrote a series of three blogs leading up to our anniversary.  Those blogs talked of how we met and became close friends, how we began dating and how I proposed, and then how we got married.  Those blogs were among my highest read last year.  A blog followed about our anniversary trip.  Sam makes me SO happy and I am sure there will be many more blogs about our amazing relationship.

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On Father’s Day, Sam told me that we were expecting a baby.  It was SO hard to NOT blog about that!!  We waited some time before spilling the beans with our big announcement.  A series of blogs about expecting a baby, then finding out we were having a girl, and finally sharing the name we had picked for her remain the most read blogs in the history of this blog!  The support from our friends and family has been SO amazing!  Sharing stories of the baby shower and 3D ultrasound pics has been a thrill.  We are closing in on the due date (February 16) and she can come anytime.  The nursery is ready and so are we! We anxiously await her arrival and with it, I will have plenty of things to share with you about being a dad again!

The Future

As I said last year – Not so long ago, I was told my someone once close to me to stop writing.  “Nobody wants to read about that crap!  It is a waste of time.  Stop trying to be creative. Nobody cares about what you like and don’t like!”  If I have learned anything from Facebook and this blog, it is that people do care!  People do like to read what I write!  In the end, I don’t really write for others, I write for myself.  The fact that other people read this blog and get some enjoyment out if it is a little bonus.

In future blogs, I will continue to write about things I love.  I will write about things that people want to know about.  I hope to do more Question and Answer blogs and I will continue to participate in Blogathons.  I want to write about how Autism played a role on my life, which I never seemed to get around to last year.  I also want to continue to write on movies and music. I will continue to write about things in my personal life (and how it is affected by the arrival of our beautiful daughter). I will continue to write – because I enjoy it.  The minute this is no longer satisfying and I feel that I have written all I can write … I will stop.  Until then, thank YOU for reading my “various ramblings”.  I appreciate you!

Happy 2nd Birthday!!

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The Big “D” (and I don’t mean Dallas)

I have been blogging here for almost 2 years.  That, in itself is pretty unbelievable to me.  In that time, I have blogged about a variety of topics.  I have blogged about family, friends, music, and music.  I have blogged about changes in my life, happiness, and things I have struggled with.  Today, I am going to blog about a topic that I have avoided.

I won’t lie, there have been times that I have thought about tackling this topic.  I know that I could easily spend a LOT of time on it, but for the purpose of this blog, I won’t.  Yes, I am going to write about it, but I am going to attempt to write about it in a way that I will benefit from it.  I am going to write about it in hopes that someone else may stumble on this and read it and take away some of the things that I did.

I am going to write this as a constant reminder to myself, and a word of encouragement to those who are going through it, or considering it.  I am not going to focus on the negatives, because I already know what that does.  Instead, I am going to be truthful and focus on the positives.

Deep breath.

I had a phone conversation today.  That is what prompted me to sit and write this.  You know how when you get married they say, “You aren’t just marrying that person – you’re marrying their family?” The same holds true when a marriage ends in divorce.  In some cases, that can be a blessing, while in others, well, not so much.  People are going to take sides.  Both sides will try to put the blame on the other.  Hate grows towards people.  Gossip spreads.  Stories become tall tales.  A division takes place and you “no longer are family.”

I was gently reminded today of how “former family” members felt about me.  It was very nonchalant, almost said in passing.  It was one of those things that often happens in conversations that start in one place and end in another.  A jab here, a jab there, something that is meant to seem like nothing, but in reality is there purposely.  The nice thing about where I am today, is that it doesn’t effect me like it used to.  I can totally handle it.

You know, with social media today, we have constant reminders of our memories.  Facebook memories go back 10 years and remind me of what I was doing or what I posted a decade ago.  Some memories are pleasant reminders, while some bring back painful memories.  Here is what I have always believed, and I have mentioned it before – I am who I am today, because of where I have been, the people in my past, and the choices I have made.

When a memory of times with “former family” comes up, I see them.  I don’t delete them.  Why would I?  Even if it was something I want to forget, it still happened.  Unlike my grandma, who cut out people’s heads in pictures because they did her wrong, I don’t do that.  Those are memories.  Sadly, I was told years ago to get rid of pictures of some of my exes.  I did to make someone else happy, but by doing it, I no longer have any pictures from my prom.  Is that fair?  No.  Your past is responsible for who you are today.

So here is what I need to write about all of this:

Divorce allowed me to find “ME” again!

I was not a pleasant person by the time I got divorced.  I was angry.  I was confused.  I was on so many meds, I am lucky I remembered things.  Those meds made me say and do things that I don’t even remember doing.  I apologize to those who were affected by that.

Afterward, with the help of therapy and true friends, I found ME again!  I was that happy guy who wasn’t on medications.  I was enjoying the things I enjoyed before.  I was laughing, loving, and LIVING again!  I was no longer NUMB.  Sure, life still throws curve balls, but that always happens.  The difference now is that I am equipped to handle them and think clearly.  I am no longer making decisions in a fog – I am ME again!  I am in control of ME. Finding me was liberating and encouraged me to do things that I wouldn’t have done in my past situation.

I believed in myself again.

Divorce allowed me to reconnect with people

People used to tell me I was a good friend.  That was NOT true in my last marriage.  I neglected SO many people.  My relationship with my father and my own brother were strained because of my situation.  Some of my BEST friends (some from all the way back in high school) never heard from me, unless they called me (and often those calls were cut short because I was forced to end the call).  I missed more things than I care to discuss because of that situation.  What I felt was important was often trumped by what someone else thought was more important.

Over time I began to leave things like group outings early.  Eventually, I stopped going to them all together.  I stopped bowling on a league.  I always had a “prior engagement” when asked to golf.  I sold my DJ business.  I got out of radio.  I neglected birthdays, anniversaries, parties for friends.  No wonder people stopped bothering to call me.  I had abandoned them to keep peace.

Thankfully, many of those friends welcomed me back without hesitation after my divorce.  They said they understood.  They didn’t want to interfere.  Sadly, I can never get back that time.  Missing events like my Goddaughter’s confirmation, funerals for a friend’s parent who passed away, family holidays, and things like that leave me with feelings of regret.  I cannot get those moments back.  I was a terrible friend.

Divorce has allowed me to reconnect with friends and family who mean the world to me!

Divorce has allowed me to move past what I cannot control

Specifically, what other people think of me.  Sure, you heard all kinds of things about me.  I know you think this and that about me, and that is ok.  I cannot control what you think of me.  You can take the one side of the story, the embellished stories, the second hand gossip and judge away.  In truth – you don’t know the truth.  You didn’t live my life, so how could you possible know what I went through?  Believe what you want.  I have no control over that.  If you want to truly come to a conclusion based on whatever you hear, well, as George Strait said, I have some ocean front property in Arizona to sell you!

Admittedly, it is one of the hardest things I had to deal with.  I worked on the radio for years.  If someone called me and told me I sucked or judged something I did on the air, it bothered me.  Same thing here – it bothered me what people were thinking about me.  What were others believing?  What was being said?  Why didn’t they come and ask me?  I really let that weigh me down!!

With a lot of help in therapy, I came to realize that no one but me knew what I was going through.  No one knew of the struggles that I was dealing with.  No one was wise enough to sense the smile I wore in public was fake.  No one knew how much I hurt.  No one knew how many times I broke down in tears in private.  I was the one who finally had to make the choice that I felt was right so NO ONE has the right to judge me for my choices.  I took control.  I decided that I needed help.  I was the one who tried to fix me, because I felt I was the one responsible for the situation and I was the one who was the root of all the problems.

Post divorce I carry on.  I live with the choices I have made.  I chose to do what makes me happy, with those who make me happy, and I could care less about what people think of me – because I have no control of that.  I do, however, have control of ME.

Divorce allowed me to find true love and experience a healthy relationship

I grew up in a home where my parents argued a lot.  Perhaps I felt like this was a normal thing in a marriage.  Perhaps that is why I always made the assumption that fighting was something that just happened with any marriage.  Don’t misunderstand me, I understand that in ANY relationship, there will be disagreements and arguments.  In my case, over time, those arguments got more and more heated and happened often in front of the kids.  I guess it was when this happened that I knew it wasn’t normal.

All strong relationships take some effort.  The thing to remember, is that when both people are committed to each other, are compatible, and truly love each other, the effort that you need to put into the relationship doesn’t feel like work.  It is effortless.  It just happens.  You both care about each other, each other’s opinions, and you genuinely want it to work.  It’s not about one upping each other or doing what is best for you – it’s what’s best for US.  There is a connection between the two of you.  You LISTEN to each other and HEAR each other.  You don’t put each other down – you lift each other up.

That is the kind of relationship I have with Sam.  We lift each other up.  We love each other.  We listen to each other.  We are honest with each other.  We make decisions together.  It’s never about “me” or “you”, it is about “US”.  What an amazing blessing she is to me.  What a blessing our relationship is.  When my youngest son looked at me recently and said, “Dad.  You are a good husband to Sam,” I almost cried.  I hope that they look at what I have now and see it as what a marriage is supposed to be like.

Moving on

I think waiting to write this has only helped me more.  Going through it, moving forward, and then looking back at it.  You can look back at it without all the emotions and stuff that cloud your judgment or perception.  Looking at it from where I am now, allows me to look at it, with a new perspective.  I can move forward and know what to do and NOT do.

Divorce changed me.  Going through it made me more aware, and it made me a stronger person.  I went through the stress and pain and came out on the other side a wiser person.  My therapist probably said it best – “You are not the same person that you were before.  Now, you are better!”  Yes.  I am better.  MUCH better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tune Tuesday – All I Want

I spent the majority of my radio career playing country music.  I started with oldies, dabbled in classic rock, played adult contemporary songs, and even had a stint at an urban station.  If I add up the years by genre, I have played more country music than anything.

Today’s country music, in my honest opinion, is more like a southern rock.  Some of it even borders on rap.  My current PD (and many others) call it “bro country,” whatever that means.  Recently, on my weekend show, I actually played a George Strait song – a new one at that!  It actually sounded country!

While some laughed at Darius Rucker for cutting a country album, he actually fit right in.  Darius, of course, was/is the lead singer for Hootie and the Blowfish who burst on the scene with their album Cracked Rear View in 1994.  They had some huge hits and great success.  Darius did some solo stuff in 2001, and in 2008 signed with Capital Records to release a country album.  That album was called “Learn to Live”.

The album had some great songs on it.  The first three singles (Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It, It Won’t Be Like This For Long, and Alright) all reached #1!  While I Still Got The Time, Drinkin’ and Dialin’ and Learn to Live are also great songs lyrically and musically.  The song that just stands out the most for me on the album is “All I Want”.

Darius co-wrote the song with songwriter Frank Rogers, who wrote Brad Paisley’s “I’m Gonna Miss Her.”  (Brad Paisley, coincidentally, plays lead guitar on the song. )  Darius says that the song sounds like it was written by two guys who hate their wives, and thought when he played it for his wife, she’d think he wanted a divorce.  He says that wasn’t the case at all.  Darius stated that when they wrote the song, there were a lot of people around him getting a divorce, and that’s where the idea came from.

As someone who was recently divorced, this song was one that I played often on the iPod.  The entire first verse, I could relate to:

“Don’t act surprised, it ain’t like you didn’t know.
It’s been like a long time coming and it’s time for me to go.”

While the subject matter of the song is a bit more serious, the way it is written in a tongue and cheek sort of way, is just one of the reasons I love it.  The last lines of the chorus, is one of my favorite lines in music.  Darius said when his wife heard it, she was on the floor laughing.  I also love it because it has a great boogie-shuffle rhythm to it.

“All I Want”


Don’t act surprised, it ain’t like you didn’t know
It’s been like a long time coming and it’s time for me to go
Tryin’ to split things up could drive us crazy
So I’m gonna make this easy, baby

You can have the money, you can have the house
Take the Cadillac and that boat out back
And your mother’s pink and yellow couch
You can have every penny that I’ll make from this here song
Girl all I want you to leave me is alone

Don’t get me wrong I will always love you, girl
You were my life you were my heart, you were my world
But we both know it’s over, there’s no need to fight it
Girl I just need some peace and quiet

So you can have the money, you can have the house
Take the Cadillac and that boat out back
And ugly pink and yellow couch
You can have every penny that I will make from this here song
Girl all I want you to leave me is alone

You can have the money, you can have the house
Take the big screen and your diamond ring
And those shoes that you swore you couldn’t live without
You can have every penny that I will make from this here song
Girl all I want you to leave me is alone
Girl all I need you to leave me is alone

darius-rucker1

Side note to trolls:  All I want you to leave me is alone!  :-)