Friend or Foe?

So this weekend, I had two things happen that made me think, then chuckle, then I smiled, reminded of just how good things are in my life. First, I was out at the store and I saw someone who is a mutual friend of my ex and me. I wasn’t going to go out of my way to say hello, and I guess I didn’t need to. You see, as soon as this person saw me, and made eye contact, they immediately looked the other way and walked away as fast as they could.

As I said, first it made me think: She’s done what all narcissists do – told a bunch of lies about me and got this person to believe them. Second it made me chuckle – we used to be good friends. They have chosen to believe the lies and had the perfect opportunity to ask me about them to my face, and decided to just run away. Finally, I smiled. I don’t need people like that in my life! Go ahead and believe whatever you want. I feel sorry for you. You, too, are caught up in the self pity party and in the fantasy story that has been told over and over to make her look good and me look bad.

The second thing that happened was via Facebook. It’s no secret that when I was in the process of making positive changes in my life, I went through my list of Facebook friends and deleted many people. I would say 80% of those people were people who were mutual friends of my ex and me. I knew that those particular people would be people who, if given the choice, would chose to remain friends with her, instead of me. No loss, really.

So this weekend I get a friend request from one of those mutual friends who I deleted. Like the first incident, it made me think – Now why on earth would they be sending me a friend request years later? I was never really that close with that person. Why all of a sudden? I was really thrown for a loop. Again, it made me chuckle – see, I recently took the deleting of friends a step further and “blocked” certain people (including a significant other), and so her spies can’t really snoop around on my page anymore. Then, I smiled again. It’s really funny to see just how her network of spies is trying to get information to bring back to her.

The narcissist is manipulative, controlling, jealous, never takes responsibility, is angry and full of rage, shifts blame, and plays themselves as the victim. They will use whoever they can to get what they want. They tell stories and falsehoods to get someone on their side, so they can use them for their own reasons. They live to take joy from others, especially others who they want to control.

To person number one – have a nice life. I’m here when you are ready to hear MY side of things.

To person number two – Friend Request Denied.

Too Early??

Halloween is barely behind us, and we are just a day or two into November. Christmas is over 50 days away, however, it is everywhere! Even before Halloween, many stores had their Christmas displays and decorations up!

For years, people have pondered, discussed, and debated the “how early is too early for Christmas” topic. In September this cartoon was all over the internet:

Just before Halloween, Sirius XM radio began adding their holiday channels to their line up. Countless radio stations across the country flipped to “all Christmas” music yesterday and Facebook and almost every major news outlet had stories about it. I really don’t know why people were acting so surprised by this, because it happens every year! Is this the earliest stations have flipped? No. I recall a few years where some stations flipped to all Christmas BEFORE Halloween.

There was a time when Christmas music didn’t even start playing on the radio until Thanksgiving weekend. I recall scheduling 3 to 4 Christmas songs an hour throughout that weekend, and then cutting back to 1 an hour after Thanksgiving weekend. As Christmas got closer, the number of songs we played increased to 2, 3, and eventually 4 an hour. We almost always went all Christmas music at 12 noon Christmas Eve and then would continue through 6pm Christmas night. That’s not the case anymore.

People inevitably ask me the question – “Why do stations go all Christmas so early?!” The answer is a simple one – ratings! Its not always the case, but most of the time, these stations who play all Christmas music do very well in the ratings books – which means more $$ for the station. Some retail stores do not have the pre-recorded satellite music, so they will pipe the “all Christmas station” throughout the store. That means more listeners to that particular station.

Is it good or bad?

So this brings me to a Facebook discussion some friends were having (after one person voiced his disgust at the fact that his station flipped to all Christmas) yesterday. His argument was that “holiday music increases stress and is unhealthy for people.” I knew exactly what he was referring to.

A couple years ago, a psychologist named Linda Blair said that listening to Christmas music too early in the holiday season can have a negative effect on people. She stated that it can affect mental health triggering “feelings of stress.” She said that hearing holiday music is a reminder of all the things that you have to do to get ready for the holiday. She said the music will cause you to worry about (and become overwhelmed by) the things on your “to-do” list like travel planning, shopping, and planning for parties.

She also said that people who work in retail, especially those who work at places like shopping malls, face a higher risk of what she called “Christmas music-induced stress”! “Hearing the same songs over and over each day could make workers struggle to ‘tune it out’ and they become ‘unable to focus on anything else,’ she said. “You’re simply spending all of your energy trying not to hear what you’re hearing.”

That story first hit the news in 2017, and has already be reprinted this year on many social media and news pages. Blair never really cites any concrete evidence, or study results, so how do we know that this is actually the case? Maybe she is just a Grinch who hates Christmas Music?? Who knows?!

On the other hand …

In response to Linda Blair’s findings, there is another article (this one citing “scientific studies”) that says the exact opposite! In those studies, it was proven that listening to “uplifting music” – like Jingle Bell Rock, Frosty the Snowman and A Holly Jolly Christmas, to name a few – has been known to have a positive effect both physically and psychologically.

“According to these studies, the feeling associated when listening to music can be sorted into two categories, perceived emotions (when we appreciate the emotional tone of the piece, but not feel that emotion ourselves) and felt emotions. Felt emotions are when we connect to the feeling behind the piece we are listening to and it can impact our emotional state.”

As someone who has worked in radio for 30+ years, I know first hand the connection that music has to memories. Do a google search on “music memory quotes” and there are plenty of them. One quote in particular holds true for the next point – from Michigan’s own, Stevie Wonder:

“Music has a strong tie to nostalgia.”

This is why hearing a song from your childhood may bring back memories of elementary school, a high school dance, or a major life event like it was yesterday. It’s also why listening to certain Christmas songs can make people feel warm, fuzzy and child-like. Part of the reason why Christmas music is associated with joy is not necessarily the music itself, but the memories that come with it.

So, listening to Christmas songs may make you feel nostalgic for your childhood or just generally happy, because your brain has already created positive associations with the music. And it’s been proven – research conducted by researchers at McGill University proved that when people listen to happy, upbeat music, they can recall happy memories within a short amount of time. The entire article can be found here:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/02/170228131027.htm

“In the experiment, the researchers had participants listen to four different genres of original music they had never heard before: happy (positive, high arousal), peaceful (positive, low arousal), scary (negative, high arousal) and sad (negative, low arousal). The researchers found that when the participants listened to happy, upbeat music, it brought about happy memories.”

That being said, there are Christmas songs that can bring about sad memories, too. So I guess there is that possibility, too. For the most part, though, Christmas music is happy and upbeat. That would suggest that listening to Christmas music brings about nostalgic thoughts which brings about happy memories and you being a happier person.

What’s my take on it?

While I don’t listen to Christmas music 24/7/365, I do have Christmas songs on my iPod. When I am listening to it and a Christmas song comes on out of season, it depends on my mood as to whether or not I am going to listen to it. There are some Christmas songs that I can listen to no matter what the season, because (as the latter study suggested) it makes me feel good or happy.

I remember when I worked at Honey Radio in Detroit, we would throw in “summer songs” when it was summer time. We’d play “Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summmer”, “Wonderful Summer”, “Summertime”, and others and then cut back on them in the fall and winter. I have never understood why songs like “Let it Snow”, “Winter Wonderland”, or “Jingle Bells” (which are basically winter time songs that never really mention Christmas) didn’t play throughout the Winter.

Final Thought

There are people who complain just because they like complaining. Bottom line is this – radio is free. You have many choices up and down the dial. There are many other stations that are not playing Christmas music 24/7, so if you don’t want to hear it – DON’T! Pop in a CD, listen to your Spotify, plug in a USB with your tunes on it, or find the satellite channel that plays the format you enjoy. Problem solved!

I have always looked forward to the Christmas season. People tend to be friendlier. People seem to be kinder. There is a sense of happiness that comes with the season. Elvis Presely’s “Why Can’t Everyday Be Like Christmas?” captures that sentiment. Just because you don’t want to listen to Christmas music, doesn’t mean that others don’t want to. Christmas music and the holiday season bring about a joy that seems to be lacking today – don’t be a Scrooge!

Halloween Dress Up

Tonight on ABC, one of the greatest Halloween specials of all time aired again – It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. It is in this special that poor Charlie Brown utters those sad words, “I got a rock.”

In that scene, Lucy is wearing a witch mask. It got me to thinking about Halloweens of my past. I remember the streets would be packed with kids when I went out trick or treating! I remember standing in lines at the doors of my neighbors, waiting for my turn to yell “trick or treat!” By the time I took my boys out on Halloween, I was sad to see that the streets were not very busy at all. I remember being out late and rushing from house to house – hoping to get them all before they turned the porch light out (telling you that “we’re out of candy”)!

As I sat here pondering this blog, I tired to think of some of my past Halloween costumes. I can remember some of the ones from when I was older: a vampire, Oliver Hardy, and a Robot. The robot was a couple cardboard boxes my dad taped together and spray painted silver. We put cassette tapes, a vacuum hose, and other things on it and it was actually very cool. My brother used the same costume for a play he did in elementary school.

Other than those mentioned above, I didn’t remember any specific costumes off the top of my head. This is probably because most of the costumes I grew up wearing sucked. They were so bad, Jerry Seinfeld did a bit about them in his comedy act. I did a Google search for Halloween Costumes of the 1970’s and it all came back to me! Halloween costumes back when I was a kid were hardly original. Today, if you go to an elementary school and watch a Costume Parade, you will see some really good costumes! Many of them will even be homemade. This was not the case when I was a kid!

You usually bought your costumes at K-Mart, or Kresge, or the local drug store. The costumes of the 70’s consisted of primarily a mask. The mask had two big eye holes (which you really couldn’t see out of!), two small nose holes (which you couldn’t breathe out of!), and a slit by the mouth. It was a cheap piece of plastic and it sometimes cracked. The mask had a cheap rubber string that was stapled to each side. This rubber string was what kept the mask on your head. If the string broke, you either re-stapled in, or you took it off and didn’t wear it.

The costume also included a cheap one piece outfit. They were like “onesie” pajamas. You first put your feet and legs in it and then your arms. There was a tie that you tied behind your neck to keep it on. On the outfit it usually has the character’s name in bold letters on it. This must have been so if the mask fell off, people knew who you were supposed to be. 97% of all kids wore these dumb costumes when I was a kid!

While I Googled, I came across two of those stupid costumes I sort of remember having. The first was The Six Million Dollar Man:

I also remember having C-3PO:

I think I may have had an Underdog costume, too!

The outfits were so cheap that by the end of trick or treating, there were rips in the crotch or legs. Sometimes they were ripped up before you even got to go out trick or treating! We’d wear our costumes to school that day and they would rip in the classroom! They were paper thin, too, so you either had to buy it three times too big, so you could wear something underneath it, or you covered it with your coat and no one saw what you were anyway!

Here are some of the funnier costumes I found while searching:

From TV – Welcome Back, Kotter:

Mr, Kotter (above) and Barbarino (below)

Mork from Mork and Mindy

The Fonz from Happy Days

There were plenty of super heroes, including Batman!

And, despite how sexy she looked on TV, the Wonder Woman costume was actually quite scary …

I mean – look at Lynda Carter! She’s beautiful!! That costume is just freaky!!!!

One of the most ridiculous costumes was this one based on the movie Jaws!

Finally, for the gals who thought Donny Osmond was cute … this costume should make them think twice.

Come on! That looks like a weird Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner!!!

For whatever it is worth, I am going to guess that these costumes are probably worth money today. I have a lot of friends on Facebook who have extensive toy collectibles, and they probably have some. Mine are long gone, more than likely because they were ripped up and destroyed the same year we bought it.

It was fun to just spend time searching up the old costumes and looking at them. Do you remember wearing these? What were some of your favorite costumes? What are some of your favorite Halloween memories?

100

Sometimes I feel like I repeat myself in my blogs. If I do, I apologize. In all honesty, sometimes I forget if I have mentioned something in a previous blog. I have been meaning to hook up with my friend and fellow blogger, Max, to learn how to index the content that I have already published. I guess I should do that sooner than later. So pardon me if I have said this before.

When I started this blog, I did it primarily for me. It was a place for me to (1) write about the things I was dealing with in my life (2) write down memories for my children to look back on and read in the future (3) occasionally rant about things that bothered me and (4) share memories of things that interest me (movies, music, TV, etc…). I first began blogging in the days of My Space. This would have been around 2005-2007. To my knowledge, my My Space page is still in existence in cyber space, but with the dawn of Facebook, I haven’t done anything on it in years! I used to blog on there all the time, the blogs used to pop up on your front page.

Some time ago, My Space removed the blogs from everyone’s page. I contacted them because many of those blogs had personal things I wanted to remember. I blogged often in the months and weeks proceeding my mother’s death. I blogged about the birth of my second son. All of those were gone. They provided me a link to go in and download all of my blogs. All of the comments were gone, but the original content was there. For that, I am glad. Re-reading some of them is emotional – they capture a moment in my past and give me a sense of what I was feeling at that time. Some of those old blogs have been updated and additional thoughts have been added here.

At any rate, during the time I was blogging, I was told by someone I was once close to that “nobody cares about the things you write about”. For whatever reason, I was constantly being told by this person to stop writing. Occasionally, I would write a “note” on Facebook, which was similar to the My Space blogs. These were also met with negative responses and the request was again made to stop, which I eventually did.

Fast forward to almost two years ago, when I started to blog. I had been in therapy trying to sort out things in my life and it was suggested that I keep a journal. I mentioned that I used to blog and my therapist asked why I had stopped. She encouraged me to begin blogging or keeping a journal – and this is it. Blogs have ranged from fun stuff to serious stuff. I began to share links to my blog on Facebook, and many of my friends began following it, and sometimes, even sharing it on their page. Through Word Press, I began to follow other blogs written by people who share my love for music, old movies, and classic TV. Often times, my blogs will inspire someone to write one and vice versa.

All of this brings me to why I am writing this blog. Today, I was informed that this blog now has 100 followers! I am humbled that 100 people would find the topics that I write about worth reading, let alone wanting to be informed every time I write something new! I thank you for reading and I thank you for interacting. If there is every anything you’d like to see this blog explore, I would love to hear it. Writing is often met with what some call “writer’s block” and I often face the “What should I write about today?” dilemma. Feel free to offer suggestions.

There are those who say that bloggers/writers/authors should write everyday, no matter what – even if you are just scribbling a sentence or two. For me, time is an issue. Finding the time is always the challenge. I try to write as often as I can. Sometimes, the stuff I write never makes it here and ends up as a Facebook status. For example, this week marked the anniversary of my grandma’s passing, today is the 117th birthday of the great Larry Fine of the Three Stooges, Sam is starting to feel our baby move, and it’s Homecoming week – all things that I could probably blog about (and probably should). I just have to find the time!

Thanks for following! Thanks for reading!

Quotes I Needed To Hear Today

It’s not worth my time (or yours) to rehash why I am writing this blog. It will be a short one. After an incident today, Sam (as she always does), saw a great quote that really helped me today:

“Learn to be ok with people not knowing your side of the story. You don’t have to prove ANYTHING to ANYONE.”

That quote was followed by a post from a friend on Facebook which read:

“Start ignoring people who threaten your joy. Literally – ignore them. Say nothing. Don’t invite any parts of them into your space.”

Both of these quotes were just perfect and helped me deal with a situation. While I have never been one to seek revenge on anyone, another quote I stumbled on also helped:

“Living a good life really is the best revenge. Once they acknowledge that they cannot ruin your happiness, they lose their power.”

It’s all about control. Author Jill Blakeway says it this way:

“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will seem unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth – JUST LIKE YOU DID!”

Fitting right in with that last quote:

“The sociopath fears two things. (1.) Losing control and (2.) Being exposed”

Author Daniel Chidiac says:

“When a person attempts to control someone else’s life, it only reflects the lack of control they have on their own.”

Not sure if this is true, but actor Will Smith is credited with saying:

“Haters are the people who will broadcast your failures and whisper your success”

When you break free from people who have controlled you or manipulated you for years, you have to remember that now that you are not in their life anymore, they must turn to someone else and manipulate them. There is a great truth here!

So why did I write this? To be a constant reminder to myself of how far I have come and to always remember:

18 years later – 9/11

Like the assassination of JFK for some people, or the Challenger explosion for others, 9/11 is one of those life changing events that is forever etched in the minds of those who lived through it. No doubt, you remember exactly what you were doing and where you were when you heard the news. So do I.

In radio, an aircheck is a recording of your show. It consists of just your talk breaks. Many times your boss brings you in to listen to a past show together. You listen to the breaks you did, talk about what was good, what was bad, how to improve your performance and so on. On September 11, 2001, I was in my boss’s office going over a show.

I was working at B95 in Flint at the time. Brian Cleary was my boss. We had just listened to a break where I told a stupid joke when our morning gal, Kristine Turner, came in to tell us that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. At the time we all thought it was some sort of freak accident. We walked out of the office and down to the newsroom. The TV was on and there was a live shot of the World Trade Center with smoke pouring out of it. Even the news people on the air were talking about how this was some sort of accident. And then we watched as the second plane hit the other tower on live TV!
At this point, we understood that this was going to be no ordinary day. When I went on the air at 10am, I became the link to what was going on to people without access to TVs at work. I recall breaking format and playing news updates. I remember the South Tower collapsed just before I went on the air. We then heard of Flight 93 going down in Pennsylvania. Then came the news of the North Tower collapsing just before 10:30am. It was the busiest and craziest day of my radio career. I remember staying after my shift and manning the canopy that we had set up in the parking lot to take donations for the people in New York. I also remember being exhausted when we wrapped up for the night. We all knew that the days and weeks ahead were going to be VERY different.
I don’t think any of us knew just how much the world was going to change that day. My ex and I had just found out that we were expecting our first child, who was due in April of 2002. I remember being scared about the world that our baby was coming into. What we also didn’t realize was how these horrible events would bring our nation together.
What follows is something that I posted on Facebook last year and reposted today:

“18 years ago today the people of this country forgot all about race, gender, political stance, religion, and stood together as one after the events of 9/11. What followed was a surge of patriotism that hadn’t been seen since World War II. American Pride soared. Today the country is extremely divided, and not just into two parts, but many.

Today we live in a country where everything seems to offend somebody. We tend to forget that the things of the past have made us and this country what it is today. History is history. We can look back in hindsight and see that there were things in the past that were (at the time) considered to be okay, but now we know they are not. We study history, to learn the things not to repeat. We also study history, to show us the things that worth repeating. Let’s take a lesson from history, a day 18 years ago, let’s put away the divisions. Let’s remember that no matter what race, color, or gender you are, we are all human beings.
There are plenty of scientific studies to show that it takes more effort to frown than to smile, and to hate rather than love. Today, as we remember those people who were on the planes, in the towers, in the Pentagon, or were first responders… remember the love, sadness, and the patriotism that brought this country together. Life can change in an instant. Practice kindness. Love one another.”
The emotions of that day will never be forgotten. We will never forget the acts of heroism we witnessed or the outpouring of support that was shown by Americans everywhere. The uniting of a nation is one that I will always remember. Today I remember the people whose lives that were cut short. I remember the innocent. I remember the heroes.
Today I reflect and remember. I hope you will too.

Daddy’s Little Girl

The past 16 weeks have been very exciting for Sam and me. It has been especially nice to have this blog as a place that I can write things down and look back on later. My last blog told of the ultrasound, finding out the baby’s gender, and how we shared the news. I am writing today’s blog because something was missing from my last one – I’ll explain in just a minute.

First, let me say that we are overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and congratulations we have received from our friends and family. It was fun to tease that a gender reveal was coming and watch friends post their guesses on Facebook. I was reminded how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends as they sent private messages, texts, and called with congratulations. Thank you all!

So what was missing from the last blog? It was a lengthy blog, so what could I have possibly left out? Sam pointed out that I had certainly written about a lot of things that happened over the weekend, however, I really never said much about how I felt. I shared about watching the ultrasound, how I told my dad and the boys, but how do I feel about it? What am I feeling? I don’t know that I can put it all into words, but I will try.

Elation. Joy. Excitement. Delight. Jubilation.

I mean, how can I NOT feel these things!? I was told that there was only a 4% chance of me being able to have a baby, and then, the amazing news that we are having a baby – well, that makes you pretty damn happy! I’ve been given the opportunity to be a dad again – and this time, I’m having a little girl!

Over the years, I have been an uncle to many nieces, and have loved every minute of it. I have danced around in a princess crown for them, gone to Peppa Pig World, read girly bedtime stories, and made puppet monkeys talk. Having a daughter takes things to a whole new level!

First girl

I had always hoped that when I had children that I would have one of each. I wanted a boy to play sports with and a girl to walk down the aisle. I was blessed with two amazing sons, who I loved playing catch with. I love those boys with all that I am. I was NEVER unhappy that I had boys. They each have very distinct personalities. They are both very smart. As I look at all they have accomplished, I beam with great pride. I am honored to have been chosen to be their dad!!

12 years later, after many changes in my life, I am once again about to become a father. This time, I will be “daddy” to a little girl. What a great responsibility this is! I will not lie about this – as happy as I am, I am also scared as hell!!!

Scary things

Boys could get away with 2 or 3 pairs of pants. All you really needed were a bunch of shirts and you could be set. Girls are different! They need pants, shirts, leggings, shoes, and many, many dresses!

I hope Sam knows that she will probably be picking out most of the clothes! I have a feeling what I think is “cute” really isn’t!

Have you seen the Xfinity commercial where the girl is dressing up her dad??

I would TOTALLY let my daughter do this! Now, if I have to do nails or makeup, I have this awful feeling that it will look something like this guy! I have never had to paint nails before. I don’t know how to put on eyeliner, blush, or any type of makeup. I will definitely need a crash course!!!

Let’s not even talk about her hair! I used to do my own hair, and now I am bald! How on earth am I going to be able to do her hair? With the boys, I brushed it, combed it, or parted it. This isn’t how it works with girls!! Have you seen the gazillion ways to braid hair?!

There is this:

And this:

The braid is hard enough!! I gotta make a heart, too?!? The pressure is unreal!!!!

Then there is play time. Very different from boys. I have never EVER hosted a tea party …

Whew! I’m glad there is a book!!!

Another scary thing is diaper changes.

It’s a whole new ball game for me! It’s been some time since I changed diapers, and I know it will all come back to me … this time, however, the parts are different!!

Then there is GLITTER! Man, I really hate glitter! It stays with you for years! LOL

Sports

Sam asked what sports I thought our daughter should do. Me, being a guy, thought about what I had already done with the boys. Hey, girls, do these things!!!

T-Ball – How cool are pink bats and gloves??!!

Bowling – Some of the high school’s have girl bowling teams! I gotta tell you, these gals bowled better than some of the guys I bowled with over the years!

Golf – I knew a gal who golfed for the high school team. She was pretty amazing! How good was she? I never golfed with her, because I knew she’d beat the hell out of me! Golf, like bowling, had scholarships, too, so why not?!

Sam must have thought I was crazy! She said that she was thinking about gymnastics – which after she said it, made total sense! Of course, our girl could do gymnastics! I can see her at the Olympics! Our little gold medal winner! Of course, I won’t let this guy teach her …. this doesn’t look right ….

One of the things I can see her doing is dance. My nieces do dance now. Whether it is ballet or just dance in general, I can totally see our daughter doing it.

Sam has already warned me that girls in dance class have to have many outfit changes. Tutus, ballet slippers, tap shoes, bows, leotards, and more! Yeah, I’ll be out in the audience doing all the moves with her (minus the leotards).

In all seriousness

I won’t lie, raising a child in the world today is very scary. Hell, it was scary before my oldest was born (9/11 happened just 7 months before he was born)! As a father, I know that my daughter will be looking to me for many things. I hope that she sees me as her hero!

I hope she will see me as her protector and as someone she can always trust. I hope she will feel comfortable to share what ever is on her mind, and come to me for advice. I cannot wait to share that special bond and special love that a daughter and dad have.

Things I am looking forward to

Her first cry
Her first photo shoot
Her first words
Her first tooth
Her first steps
Holding her in my arms
Singing her to sleep
Hugging her
Piggy back rides on my shoulders

Reading bedtime stories
Holding hands
Buying her whatever she wants (Sam says she’s hiding the checkbook)

The list goes on and on.

So am I feeling?

I am overjoyed! I am ecstatic! I could not be happier that I am going to be a dad again!!

I am also scared. I worry. I am told this is natural.

I am nervous. I don’t want to fail or disappoint.

I am anxious. I look forward to all the firsts, all the accomplishments, and milestones.

Final Thought

Over the past 30 years, I have DJ’s thousands of weddings and hundreds of Daddy/Daughter dances! At weddings, I have watched countless times as two special people shared their moment in the spotlight. At Daddy/Daughter dances, I have watched dads wonder just what their little girl is screaming about when Justin Beiber or Taylor Swift start playing. I have then watched as they finally get a slow song to dance with their little girl.

As a father of boys, I never understood the bond or the feelings involved with those dances. I know I have a few years yet, but time will fly and soon enough I will be able to relate to those dads I have watched over the years. To say I am excited as I look forward to that first dance … is quite an understatement.

Get the “funk” out!

I am not going to lie, this past week has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. Whether or not there was more bad than good this week, I really can’t say. It “feels like” there was a bit more negatives, though, hence the “funk” I was in this morning. I am hoping that this blog will act as a “redirection” in my thinking.

I read an article a long time ago that talked about the “five to one” rule. I want to say that it was about relationships. The basic thing presented in the article was that in order for a person to get over a single “negative”, there needed to be at least five “positives” to counteract it.

Recently, my therapist has had me do something similar. Focus on the positives. Think of five positives, or five things that make me happy. Rather than just “think” about those things, I thought I would benefit from writing them out. The following may be simply a positive, something that made me happy, or a mixture of both.

1. Waking up next to my love

After a particularly stressful early part of the week, my sleep was a bit messed up. When this happens, I tend to wake up earlier than I intend to. As I lay next to my wife, I found myself thinking about how lucky I am. I watched her sleeping soundly and I found lost in thoughts about just how beautiful she is. In my mind, verses of poetry started to come so fast, I had to grab a piece of paper to write them down. I made sure to write them out and give them to her the next morning.

What an amazing blessing she has been to me! I am so lucky that I get to kiss her goodnight and good morning every day!

2. Possibilities

My ex used to question why I had so many Facebook friends. My friends on social media range from school friends to college friends, friends who work/worked in radio and television and friends who I met through working in radio. Then there are friends from the record industry, author friends, and friends from the entertainment industry. Then I have some co-workers and former co-workers and friends who share many of the same interests as me (movies, music, etc…). The majority of them I have met personally, while some of them I may not have.

Many opportunities have come to be because of “who I know”. I have continued to work for many high schools and middle schools DJing their dances because the teacher knows me. I became the voice of Ronnie, the RPM Auto Sales Super Hero, because of my friend at Fox 66 who thought I’d be perfect to be his voice. I landed a voice over gig on a national TV program because the host heard my voice on something I did for some friends.

This week, another possibility has presented itself to me. Details are sketchy at this point and I don’t know too much about it. A friend of mine passed along my name to someone and hopefully, this will be yet another one of those amazing things that I can attribute to “who I know”. Stay Tuned…..

3. Family Time

The weather hasn’t always cooperated with us this summer. Friday, however, was just perfect. Sam and I decided to pack the boys in the car and head to the zoo. There are a few small zoos close by (Saginaw and Frankenmuth), but she suggested the Potter Park Zoo in Lansing. I had never been there before, and the boys had never been either. It’s certainly not as large as the Detroit or Toledo Zoo, but it was still a very nice zoo.

Unlike the Detroit Zoo, there was plenty of shade. Temperatures were not an issue, as it was sunny and 70 – perfect! I can see where the shade would be especially nice on those 90 degree days! What I really liked about this zoo was how close we were able to get to the animals. When we walked in, there was a sign that said the Lions were not going to be outside. They were, however, inside, and we could see them up close through glass. It was awesome! They are much bigger than I imagined. When you see them from far away, you really don’t get to see just how big they are!

We all had such a great time!

4. Radio Time

This week, I got to work at both radio stations. Being in the studio makes me happy. I get to be creative and talk with listeners. Monday – Wednesday, I was on for George. I got to do his all-request 80’s lunch show. It’s always fun to see what the listeners want to hear. I love when they ask for those “forgotten favorites.” Friday, I was on for Lisa. She was out an an appearance and I was on air.

Today, I was live on the Moose. “Moosin’ around” is often what I call it. Today I got to catch up with a couple listeners who used to listen to me when I was here the first time years ago. I think that’s how you know you’ve made an impact – they remember you. They remembered a few of the silly bits I used to do when I was here before and it made me smile when the one listener reminded me of my “Accordion Awareness Month Updates!”

Some say radio is a dying business – I say “only if you are doing it wrong!”

I miss it!!

5. Sam’s check up

The best moment of the week was going with Sam to her OB appointment. It was just a check up, and she told me since I was running on little or no sleep that I should stay home and sleep. I wasn’t about to do that. I wanted to be there with her. The doc was running a little behind, as he had to deliver a baby earlier in the day. He came in, asked a few questions, discussed a few things, and then he let us hear the baby’s heartbeat. The baby’s heartbeat was a strong 159-160 bpm. The doc looked at us and said, “If I had to guess, I’d say it’s a girl.” It will be a few days before we find out for sure.

The above is what the heart beat looks like on an ultrasound (this one is not ours, but I am going to ask for one of ours!!). I don’t care how many times I hear it – the sound of the baby’s heartbeat makes me smile! It never gets old! Sam’s sister had a fetal doppler she let us borrow. It will allow us to hear the baby’s heartbeat any time we want! How cool is that?!

So, writing this has helped me to feel better. Now, I am going to listen to our baby’s heartbeat ….

Tune Tuesday – Queen & ELO

I have to admit that I almost picked a Ringo Starr song today, because of his birthday this week. I didn’t because I really couldn’t decided whether to pick a solo song or some of his Beatles stuff. I am guessing that’s a future blog – I’ll add it to my “blog topics” list. Instead, the picture below was posted on Facebook this week and prompted the songs I am writing about.

I’ll be the first to admit that I did my share of recording songs off the radio. I cannot remember how old I was when I got my first “boom box.” I do remember getting it for a birthday gift. I remember buying tons of cassette tapes to record songs on, and I spent many hours listening for my favorite songs.

Not knowing that I would eventually become a radio DJ, I remember how difficult it was to record a song without the DJ talking over the intro. You would hope to catch the song coming out of a jingle or sweeper – that was usually a good way to catch it with a “talk free” intro. Guys like me got pretty good at timing and using the pause button.

I can distinctly remember being the listener that would eventually drive me crazy! I spent many hours calling up the radio station asking for songs. When I didn’t hear them, I would call back and ask again. Of course I didn’t know how radio worked and that with each call, I was just pissing off the DJ! The more you call, the more likely the DJ will NOT play your song! I also did the “kid disguising my voice to sound like an adult” thing, which every DJ can hear immediately! (You’re not fooling us, kids!)

At any rate, there are two songs that I can distinctly remember trying to record on tape. (Let me interject here that I am sure I had my paper route at this time, and why I just didn’t go buy the record is beyond me). I guess I remember these two in particular, because I have two specific memories to accompany the songs. On to song #1:

Queen – Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I remember calling over and over to ask for this song. I remember I was in elementary school and my friend Billy used to get his mom to give us a ride home. This song always seemed to play on our ride home (I know this probably was not the case now, knowing how music is scheduled and such). I remember us both asking his mom to turn up the radio when it played.

The story goes that Freddie Mercury wrote this while the band was touring in Germany. He wrote it on an acoustic guitar and it didn’t take him long to do it. He said it “took me five or ten minutes. I did that on the guitar, which I can’t play for nuts, and in one way it was quite a good thing because I was restricted, knowing only a few chords. It’s a good discipline because I simply had to write within a small framework. I couldn’t work through too many chords and because of that restriction I wrote a good song, I think.”

Some sources say he wrote it as a tribute to Elvis. Roger Taylor said he wrote it while lounging in a bath at a hotel during one of their extensive Munich recording sessions. Some stories say that Freddie also played the original guitar solo, but it was lost and Brian May then played it for the single (Not sure how true this is). Brian played the solo on a Telecaster guitar (Perhaps to make it sound like an older song. Many artists played Telecasters). Brian, however, didn’t really care for the Telecaster and when playing the song live, he’d play the solo on it, and go back to his favorite guitar (his Red Special).

One of my favorite parts of the song is when the bass guitar has its solo moment toward the end.

This thing called love
I just can’t handle it
This thing called love
I must get round to it
I ain’t ready
Crazy little thing called love

This thing (this thing) called love (called love)
It cries (like a baby) in a cradle all night
It swings (ooh, ooh), it jives (ooh, ooh)
It shakes all over like a jelly fish,
I kinda like it
Crazy little thing called love

There goes my baby
She knows how to rock-n-roll
She drives me crazy
She gives me hot and cold fever
She leaves me in a cool, cool sweat

I gotta be cool, relax, get hip
Get on my tracks
Take a back seat, hitch-hike
And take a long ride on my motorbike
Until I’m ready
Crazy little thing called love

I gotta be cool, relax, get hip
And get on my tracks
Take a back seat, hitch-hike
And take a long ride on my motorbike
Until I’m ready (Ready Freddie)
Crazy little thing called love

This thing called love
I just can’t handle it
This thing called love
I must get round to it
I ain’t ready
Crazy little thing called love [repeat to fade]

The second song I have a distinct memory of is from ELO.

ELO – Rock and Roll is King

The reason why I remember recording this song off the radio is simple – I screwed it up the first time I tried to record it! It has what we call in the radio biz a “fake cold.” A cold ending is when a song doesn’t fade out, it just stops. This song has a point before the last line, where the song stops….there is silence….and then the band comes back for the final line and the real cold ending. I remember it because when the fake cold happens, I hit the pause button on my cassette player and messed up the recording because I missed the end of the song!

The song could be found on ELO’s 1983 album Secret Messages. I read an article that said the song was originally called something else and had an entirely different set of lyrics before it was re-worked. The song reminds me a bit of their 1981 hit “Hold on Tight,” as it has the same sort of feel to it. The song only made it to #19 on the charts in the US. This was one of the first songs I heard from ELO, and it made me start picking up more of their stuff. I really thought it was cool how they used string instruments in their songs.

“Rock ‘N’ Roll Is King”

Listen everybody let me tell you ’bout the rock ‘n’ roll

Feel that rhythm and it’s really gonna thrill your soul

She said come along with me, to a land of make believe

She said wamalamalamalama rock ‘n’ roll is king

She loves that rock ‘n’ roll and she plays it all night long

That’s all she ever tells me when I call her on the telephone

She says feel that jumpin’ beat, and git up on your feet

She says wamalamalamalama rock ‘n’ roll is king

[Chorus:]

Oh let those guitars play

Play for me play for me

Oh let that song ring out

That’s how it’s meant to be

It rolls like a train that’s comin’ on down the track

She rolled over Beethoven and she gave Tchaikovsky back

She loves that drivin’ beat, she goes dancin’ on down the street

She said wamalamalamalama rock ‘n’ roll is king

[Chorus]

When she comes around and I’m listenin’ to the radio

She says you can’t do that ’cause all I wanna do is rock ‘n’ roll

Now here I’m gonna stay where that music starts to play

She says wamalamalamalama rock ‘n’ roll is king

Jeff Lynne wrote the song and I love the line “She rolled over Beethoven and she gave Tchaikovsky back.” It is obviously a nod to Chuck Berry’s Roll Over Beethoven (which ELO covered, and is awesome!).

Jeff, continues to tour with his current version of ELO, and also was a member of the Traveling Wilburys with George Harrison, Tom Petty, Bob Dylan, and Roy Orbison.

What songs do YOU remember taping off the radio??

Expanding on an earlier Facebook post.

I am on vacation. I have the next week off and will have my sons all week. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am to have them over. I am hoping that the weather will cooperate and we’ll get to do some fun things this week. This vacation could not have come at a better time. I’m not sure why, but I just need the break. I have so much that has been on my mind.

For example, Thursday was typical for me. I slept for about 3-4 hours. It is my day to switch from “midnight” mode to “days.” Normally on Thursday, my head hits the pillow and I am asleep quickly. That was not the case. I actually broke my own rule (and what I tell all my patients about electronics before bed) and was surfing the web and reading stuff hoping to make myself tired – it didn’t work.

I read once that if you can’t shut your mind off, just jot all the thoughts down. The thought process is that it can help free your mind of them. I hoped that this would work and posted the following on Facebook. In posting it here and re-reading it, I may or may not comment on these thoughts. Some of them are repeat thoughts, some are not. Here goes:

“Been here in bed since 10:30. Sam is already sleeping. The cats are both on the bed, too. Mind won’t shut off. Trying not to think about something that happened earlier that really just made me angry. Random thoughts/wishes:

* As much as I love to sit and write, I wish I could find a gig that paid me to do it.

Comment: The more I think on this, the more I wish I could do this! I believe that you are always your own worst critic. I have often wondered why anyone would even want to read what I write, yet, here you are. I’m sure many authors have wondered if people would want to read their stuff too. Writing is therapeutic for me. Much like radio, I can take my observations and share them. You won’t always agree with my thoughts or opinions, and that is OK with me.

* In talking to an old radio buddy, it makes me miss doing it full time (even though it has changed dramatically)

Comment: While I am not doing this full time, I need to acknowledge that I am very lucky to still be doing it part time. Even if it is once a week, whether it is live or recorded, I still have my foot in the door and I get to “create” and “perform.” I still love it and radio will probably always be in my blood.

* I wish I could review music, bands, or movies and get paid for it. Neat to see some friends of mine doing it and having success with that!

Comment: I follow some blogs that write movie reviews. I know they don’t get paid for that. However, I have a friend who writes a lot of political stuff for websites and gets paid for that. I also have a buddy who always seems to be out and about interviewing celebrities about their films for various news stations, TV and radio. What a cool gig that has to be. When I interviewed people on the radio I was always told I was a “good interviewer.” Maybe I am. Pardon me while I digress and share two instances come to mind:

When I was at B95, Craig Morgan was scheduled to come by the studio. At the time he had a minor hit, and some tunes that weren’t being played on the radio. I was told by my boss to put him on the air for a few minutes, ask him about his new song, play it and move on. I did my research, and there were a lot of things about Craig that I found interesting. Yes, I was going to ask about his song, but there were other things I wanted to as about. I asked about his military career, his family, and such. Craig is a very funny guy. He and I hit it off instantly. We laughed a lot and had a bunch of fun. About 5 or 8 minutes into the interview, my boss went into the studio in the next room and stood in front of the window. I thought he was gonna give me the “Wrap it up” signal because we were going longer than anticipated. Instead, he gave me the “keep going – stretch it out” signal.

I don’t recall how long the interview went, but it was FUN. My boss said, “You just took a guy who no one was really familiar with, and made the listeners love him, because you related to him. You asked questions that made him so real. It was entertaining, and enjoyable. That’s the best damn interview I have heard in a long time!” The kudos I received were unexpected.

Also at B-95, Jewel came by the studio and I interviewed her on the air. She had recorded a country album and was promoting it. I did my research and prepped for her interview. I found a lot of stuff that I could ask about. Jewel was homeless for a time. She lived in a van. I wasn’t sure if that was a topic she would want to talk about. When she arrived I asked her off air if there was anything that she didn’t want to talk about, she said to ask whatever I wanted to. Naturally, I asked about her album. I also asked about her family life and pop hits. I also asked about her being homeless, in which she shared some great stories about writing songs.

One of the things I asked about was some Wizard of Oz TV special she did in the mid ’90’s. She started chuckling and joked about it. She asked “How did you find out about that?!” This led her to talk about some plays she was in in school and some other childhood memories. She was so moved and excited to be talking about those things. It was so cool for me to see how moved she was to remember those stories and it was great radio!

After Jewel left the station, about a half hour later, I got a call on my cell phone from the record rep who brought her to the station. He said, “I wanted you to know that Jewel just told me that you were by far the best interview she has done on this radio tour! She was blown away that you asked her about that Wizard of Oz thing! She said she felt so comfortable talking to you and she really enjoyed herself. She said you made her remember some great stories that she has never shared with anyone before. Nice work, cowboy!”

Again, a high point in my radio career!

back to my original thought – I think it would be very cool to get the chance to hear an album before it hit stores, see a movie before it hits theaters, or read a book before it hits the shelves and then offer a review.

* It’s a shame when an entire team has to be punished because of a few others.

On my hour drive to work each night, it is often the time I catch up with friends on the phone. We talk about family, friends, and work. In discussing work, there was this common theme. Rather than dealing with employees individually and holding them accountable for whatever the issue was, bosses made a knee-jerk reaction and punished the entire staff for the issues of a few people.

I am not in a position of authority at my job. I was a boss on more than one occasion. Observations that I made as an employee, helped me to manage. Managers motivate! When employees are motivated, they will go above and beyond for you. Many managers tend to demotivate. Jay Trachman, one of my radio mentors, wrote an article geared toward radio managers, and it holds true for any manager, really. It included things that managers do to demotivate, with or without knowledge of doing it. They included:

Ignoring employee ideas
Setting unattainable goals and holding employees responsible for them
Treating employees like children
Ignoring that employees have lives outside of work
Making rules for the entire staff because of the behavior of a few members
Focusing on errors or mistakes, no matter how trivial (Incidentally, the facts show that when you dwell only on problem areas destroys the employee’s confidence and self-esteem makes the employee more error-prone!)

* I hate when an opportunity seems right, but no matter how many ways you try to make it work, you can’t.

Comment: Without going into detail, an opportunity presented itself. It was one of those opportunities that doesn’t come around too often. I took it all in. Asked questions. Weighed options. Re-weighed options with different scenarios. Crunched numbers. Re-visited scenarios. Made a pros and cons list (my wife swears by these!). It was an opportunity that just was not something I could jump at. I am ok with that, though, because, it doesn’t change anything I am already doing. No big deal.

* I am hoping the scale shows a loss tomorrow at weigh in.

Comment: It did. My total weight loss now is at 24 pounds!! I couldn’t be happier! I was a bit worried because last Saturday I DJ’d a wedding and the dinner didn’t necessarily have the most healthy choices. Oh, and they had a doughnut bar! LOL. I am determined to get back down to 199 (where I was about 20 years ago, and the last time I was on Weight Watchers). The journey continues!

* I am not looking forward to a visit to the dentist tomorrow.

Comment: Uneventful cleaning. No cavities, so I was happy with that!

* I wish I could do more voice over work.

Comment: I looked into a few voice over services, but most cost money to be a part of. They also require you to do many auditions daily. I could probably do this on my days off, but it is hard to do working midnights, and without a home studio (or the money to build a home studio)!

I am lucky to have the relationships I have with The American Way, Whitetail Journey, Modern Craft Wines, Fox 66, and RPM Auto Sales. I would love to add a few more clients to that list. If you know anyone looking, I can certainly send a voice sample to them.

* I probably could have wrote a blog instead of this. Maybe I will just copy and paste it….lol.

Comment: That’s what I am doing!

* There is so much sadness in the Facebook feed this week. My heart goes out to my friends who have lost loved ones or have loved ones in the hospital.

Comment: Scrolling the Facebook news feed this week, I was saddened to read of some friends coping with the loss of someone special to them. I also read of a dear friend who is now home with hospice care. Some friends have been Facebook silent, but I am aware of some health struggles that are dealing with.

Many people state that they hate Facebook. They say there are too many political arguments, opinions, etc. I would agree, but I also utilize the “mute” button. There are ways that you can unfollow those who post stuff you don’t want to see. You remain friends, but you don’t see their stuff. You can also post things while making sure that certain people can’t see it.

I happen to like Facebook. It is a great way to keep up with friends. I almost never forget a friend’s birthday! I always love the pictures of weddings, first and last days of school, band concerts, dance recitals, and the addition of new babies or grandbabies. There are sad things, too. The passing away of parents, prayer chains for those who are sick or suffering, or the loss of a pet. Without Facebook, I’d never know these things. It can be a place to offer words of support, encouragement, or better yet, prompt you to reach out to your friend on the phone.

While I love social media, I also feel that it is important to reach out and actually talk to friends. I have decided that I am going to try to do that more. Yes, texting and messaging is easy, but you know what? I want to hear your voice!

* I hate change. I am a man of routine. Sometimes, change is inevitable. Sometimes change is exciting.

Comment: I take the same way to work every day. I am a creature of habit. One of the things that helps me stay focused on Weight Watchers is that I know the point values of meals. I tend to find something I like, and will stick with that meal. I have been eating a lot of veggies and fruits. I am also eating a lot of salads. However, to change things up we had turkey tacos last night. Not going to lie, changing it up was exciting! That’s right – I was excited for Tacos!!

* Guy on TV said to his gal, “I couldn’t be happier.” I think you can always be happier. Happiness can grow, much like love can grow. Each day I think I can’t love Sam any more than I do, but that love grows deeper. Happiness can grow too – that’s cool to me.

Comment: Just re-reading that made me smile. Think about this – “Happiness is a habit – cultivate it” (Quite attributed to Elbert Hubbard)

* The wrong motivation can kill morale and desire to give their all for you.

Comment: See above comments about punishing the entire team because of a few others.

* I wish I was an expert on something. With the recent talks I have done for conferences and small groups, I would totally love to do that for a living.

Someone commented on the original Facebook post and said I should be a motivational speaker. I don’t know that I’d go that far. I have many obstacles of my own that I have yet to conquer. I am not sure how motivating I can be.

I have always enjoyed doing career days at schools. I think it would be cool to host classic movies at a theater. I have no problem public speaking. I thought about teaching a public speaking class at one of those community education night class type programs. I don’t know, it’s a pipe dream perhaps. I just think it could be a very fun thing to do and would be great to get out and meet people.

* Was hoping that by jotting this stuff here, I’d get sleepy … Maybe I should at least try to go to sleep.

Comment: I didn’t.

* Even with all of these random thoughts, one still remains true. I am one lucky man! I am blessed beyond measure.

Comment: The Bible says in I Thessalonians 5:18, “In EVERYTHING give thanks.” What powerful instruction, and a very difficult thing to do! I have always tried to make this one of my “life mantras,” but some days are harder than others. At one point in my life, nothing could make me feel better. I was deep in that depression and suffering with so many feelings. I was struggling bad.

Today, however, I am a new man. Those quotes that I always had in my mind are back and help keep me focused. This one still remains difficult, because “everything” means “everything!” In good times and bad times – give thanks! What a challenge! Despite the fact that I had a variety of things (both good and bad) running through my head Thursday night, I remind myself of just how thankful I am to be alive! I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my job. I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful for YOU. Thanks for reading!

Now, I am off to enjoy my time off!