A Much Needed Break

I had a few days off over this past weekend and I got some much needed family time. The time started on a sad note, as Thursday morning, my wife’s family gathered at the National Cemetery where there was a small service for her grandma. They chose her grandfather’s birthday to go and have her ashes placed inside the wall with him. After the service, her dad said a prayer and everyone left.

Her grandparents are buried at the same cemetery as my mother, and my daughter asked to go see grandma. Last time we were there, she placed a heart shaped rock on the headstone. It was not there this time and she said, “Grandma must have liked it so much that she took it.” Who am I to argue with my daughter?

Friday afternoon, we loaded up the car, the kids, and the dog and made the two hour drive to my father-in-law’s place up north. I had been there once with him, but it was only a few hours. This time, we were all going to spend a couple days there. We were all looking forward to it.

The Michigan scenery on the drive up was so nice. I love those farm houses on the side of the road, the horses and cows in the fields, and the beauty of tall green trees. I love when you have to go from 55 mph down to 30 mph because you are driving through a small town. It takes me back to those drives up to Caseville with my parents when I was a kid.

We arrived at the cabin around 7pm on Friday night and we just relaxed for a while. It is just the way a cabin should be, cozy and peaceful.

We were all up early Saturday and the view from out the front window was exactly what I needed to see as I stood with a cup of hot coffee.

My mother-in-law made biscuits and gravy for breakfast. They were delicious! After breakfast, my father-in-law and I went to work. He has about 18 acres of property. He doesn’t mow it all, but there is quite a bit to mow. I hopped on the zero turn and he grabbed the weed whacker and we went to work on the yard.

I never saw the family leave while we were out, but after we finished I went inside to get some water and my phone rang. It was my wife. She said, “I need you and dad to bring the truck up to the merchandise outlet to get something.” I said ok and told my father-in-law. His response was, “What did they buy that won’t fit in your car?!” Well, I found out soon enough – and my son couldn’t be happier.

He got a Mustang long before I ever did! These things are like $200-$250 online and she got it (brand new) for $30! Yeah, what a deal!! There was a sale going on and there was also a 50% off sticker on it, so by the time the thing was rung up – $30! He was so mad that it had to charge before he could drive it. (The thing has a working radio in it!!!) Ella wanted to ride, too, so we went to the barn and got them one of the cars that were there.

We had hot dogs for lunch and then the fun began. My father-in-law brought out the four wheeler! To say that the kids were excited was an understatement.

I had never rode on one, so my father-in-law gave me a quick lesson in where the gas and brakes were, he placed Andrew in front of me and I was off on the trails and into the property with him.

Naturally, I went a lot slower than I would have liked, because I didn’t want him to fall off. He was so content to just sit there and ride. I’d ask if he was ok and he’d say he was and ask for more.

When I came back, Ella was raring to go. I really thought that she would be the one who was too scared to ride on it, but I was wrong. She hopped up and off we went. As we drove down the trail to the open area on the property she yelled, “Whoo-hoo! This is amazing!!” This filled my heart more than I can explain. Once we got to where the trail opened into the large open area, I drove her around and made little jumps on hills and such. She kept yelling, “Faster, daddy! Faster!!” She was a true daredevil.

As we were out in the field, we heard another four wheeler. Papa had pulled out the other one and had Andrew in front of him. Then it became a game. The two of us “chasing” each other, “racing” each other, and laughing the entire time! “Daddy, they are chasing us! Don’t let them catch us!” What a hoot!!

Daisy, our dog, was chasing us as we rode around, too. It was so hot and I can’t believe that she kept running after us. As soon as we’d pull away from the house, she’d be right on our tail. Running and chasing and occasionally barking at us. It was ridiculous.

As it got closer to dinner, Sam and I ordered pizzas from a place in town. It was expensive, but worth every cent. It was so cheesy and you could tell it was hand tossed and made fresh. They had these bread sticks, which were more like rolls, that had garlic and cheese on them. Oh, man! They were sinfully good.

It was a day full of fun. So much fun that we called it a night early. The kids were out like a light almost immediately. There was a huge car show in town that night, but there was absolutely no energy to go see it.

We woke up Sunday, Father’s Day, and coffee was already made. My mother-in-law made up some eggs and sausage. I was drinking my coffee on the porch and could smell the sausage from outside. This took me back to those days at my grandma’s place in Caseville. We’d be outside and we could smell the bacon or sausage from outside.

After breakfast, my father-in-law and I went out and finished up the weed whacking we didn’t get to on Saturday. After that we had to take apart some bunk beds that he was bringing home when we left. He had a rototiller that I needed to borrow and we loaded that up on the trailer, too.

While we were doing that, my wife was packing up and loading the car. My mother-in-law wasn’t going to let us leave hungry, so she made up some turkey burgers and we all had another meal together. When they were in town the day before, they had picked up a chocolate cake for the “dads” for Father’s Day. Before we could even slice it, Ella was eating sprinkles off the top of it!

We had promised the kids another ride on the four wheelers before we left, and they couldn’t wait! Each kid got a few turns riding with me and Papa. Before I put it away, I just had to go and take it for a spin by myself – so I could see just how fast it would go. Man, this one I was on really clipped! I can see how easy it would be to get hurt on one of them. It was extra fun for me to just let loose and be a kid again for a few minutes.

Just before we left, it began to sprinkle. There was a storm on the way and we wanted to head out before it hit. The kids kept asking all the way home when we would be heading up to the cabin again. After the fun we had there, I would imagine the answer is “Soon. Very soon.”

Next trip, however, I will be sure to wear sunscreen!

Scars in Heaven

This afternoon our family said our final goodbyes to Grace. If you aren’t up to speed, Grace was my ten year old sister-in-law, who passed away.

Funerals, in general, are sad. Funerals for children are very sad. A parent should never have to bury their child, but the fact is that many have to. Life can be so unfair.

Prior to the service starting, my father-in-law pulled me aside and asked if I would be a pall bearer. Without having to think, I said yes. It would be an honor to do that.

As with most funerals, the pastor shared stories of things that he had learned by talking with the family. One particular story involved Ella:

After Grace had passed away her mom and dad had her bedroom door closed. Ella had gone over there with her and when she saw the door closed, she insisted that she go see Grace.

Now, Ella was aware that Grace was sick. She knew that she couldn’t eat cookies, because she had a feeding tube. Prior to her passing we told Ella that Aunt Grace was going to live with Jesus soon.

So that day she pulled the door open, only to see that Grace was not there. She asked where she was and Sam said she wasn’t here. “Well, tell her to come back,” she said. Sam reminded her that she had gone to live with Jesus. Ella asked “And now she can eat cookies?”

Yes, baby, now she can eat cookies.

At one point in the service a woman sang a song I was unfamiliar with. It was called Scars In Heaven. It was the perfect song. Grace had numerous health problems and more surgeries than I can count. Her scars were many.

I found out the song is by Casting Crowns. Here is a link to the music video:

Here are the lyrics:

Scars in Heaven

If I had only known the last time would be the last time
I would’ve put off all the things I had to do
I would’ve stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter
Now what I’d give for one more day with you

‘Cause there’s a wound here in my heart where something’s missing
And they tell me that it’s gonna heal with time
But I know you’re in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine

The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now

I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you’re standing in the sun, you’ve fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now

There’s not a day goes by that I don’t see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I’m standing with you in the sun, I’ll fight this fight and this race I’ll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh

———-

At the end of the service, those in attendance walked up and passed Grace in her casket. Once it was all family, we all walked up together. Watching Sam’s mom and Dad say their goodbyes was hard enough, but they then positioned the stuffed animals around her in the casket and closed it.

Even with close family members, every funeral I have attended I have never seen them close the casket. It was more powerful and more emotional than I can say. I understand that some feel like it helps with closure, but it was just a bit more than I could handle.

As pallbearer, I stood at my position and helped walk her to the door. We lifted her into the back of the hearse. As it drove off the, we stood watching out the door. Once the hearse was out of site, dad called us all together and shared words through tears.

The family had a luncheon immediately afterwards. Ella and Andrew were with their cousins in the playroom at the church for the service. So many people were happy to see them when they came out. It was close to Naptime, however, so they were a bit tired.

The show of love and support from family and friends was so nice. There were lots of great conversations over lunch and in hallways, and such. I am glad that there were so many people there to offer support. I pray that it will continue in the time ahead.

My grandma once observed that “we only see family at weddings and funerals.”. Sadly, this tends to be true. Time is so short and I hope that there are other family get togethers planned so that truth isn’t so … True.

Until we meet again, Grace…. Save a few cookies for us.

Free From Earthly Burdens

The above picture is of a grave marker designed by a grieving father in Utah. This photo has made the rounds on the internet for many years. Captions vary, but they all seem to include that the father created it to represent his paralyzed son reaching up to the sky from the wheelchair he spent his life in. It is said to represent that his son is finally “free from his earthly burdens.”

This image popped into my mind this afternoon as I walked into the church where my 10 year old sister-in-law’s viewing took place. My wife and her family were there before I arrived. I took Ella and Andrew to the baby sitter and joined them afterwards.

When I walked in, a video played with photos from Grace’s life. Her smile ever present. Instrumental Disney songs played along with the video. Grace loved Mickey and Minnie Mouse.

There was a beautiful blanket with her picture on it and “Always in Our Hearts” written in a Disney font off to the side. Surrounding her was a stuffed Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Pluto, and Goofy.

I once again remembered the image above. Grace is free from her earthly burdens. No more wheelchair, no more feeding tube, no more pain, and no more suffering. I personally believe, based on my knowledge of Scripture, that she is feeling a joy that none of us has ever experienced. She is walking, talking, and singing. What a wonderful thing to know.

As with any death, it is hardest on those who are left behind. There is a void. There is the adjustment that has to be made to their being absent from our lives. There is the grieving process that has to happen for each one of us (and every one will grieve differently). It will not be easy.

My heart sank as I read a Facebook post from my father-in-law the other day: “This morning was so different. Normally Pam starts Grace’s breathing treatments while I make my coffee, then Pam gets Grace’s meds made up while I finish her treatments. Drinking coffee with no Grace brought tears to my eyes then I remembered her body has been restored and she doesn’t need treatments anymore that made me smile. Pam and I are trying to adjust to our new normal. Thanks for all the phone calls texts visits and prayers.”

The “new normal” isn’t normal at all. There will be many adjustments and life goes on for the rest of us and there will be many emotional hurdles to get over in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.

Grace’s memorial service will take place at noon Wednesday. I would appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts for my wife, her parents, and our family. It is going to be a very hard day.

The Impact They Made

When I was 11 years old, my grandpa died. I knew him as a grandson would – a fun loving family member. This was the extent of how I knew him. I knew him in family situations. He loved to golf, went to church, laughed a lot, and snored when he napped. It wasn’t until he passed away that I learned more about him.

At the funeral home, I was introduced to SO many people. “You’re grandpa was one of a kind!” “I loved your grandpa!” “He was a good man.” “You’re grandpa loved you!” “I’m going to miss your grandpa very much.” People shared stories with me, told me of how important he was to them, and showed me a side of him I had no idea existed!

A recent blog I wrote about my Godmother spoke of “waiting in the line.” You can read it here:

Waiting in “the line”

I wrote that before I went to the funeral home to pay my respects. Little did I know that it was foreshadowing what would happen when I got there.

The doors opened at 3pm for the viewing. I dropped the kids off at Nana’s house so I could drive down. I arrived around 3:25pm. The parking lot was full. I didn’t find this odd, as it was a big funeral home and I figured that there were other families visiting someone who had passed away.

When I walked up to the doors, I opened them and was immediately met with a group of 10 people standing in a lobby-like area between two sets of doors. The creepy funeral home person greeted me and asked who I was there to see. When I told him, he explained that I was at the end of the line to get into the room where the viewing was taking place.

Slowly, the line crept forward as more and more people joined the back of the line. The line was now out the door and down the sidewalk leading to the funeral home. It was no doubt almost to the parking lot. When I finally entered the room where my Godmother was laid out, I could see that there were already many people who had been through the line and either sitting down or looking at the various picture boards.

As I waited my turn, I watched the video that was playing on the TV in the corner. There were so many pictures I had never seen before. Pictures of her graduation, her wedding, her grandchildren, family vacations, and someone had even put the picture I posted of her and I in the video montage. I was touched by that.

At the front of the line, I hugged and spoke with her two sons and her husband. Then I paused at the casket and silently prayed. As the line continued, I spoke with her sisters (my cousins) and had reached the end of the line. I looked around the room and it was pretty much standing room only and the line was still out the door. I walked out of the room and observed that the line was indeed almost 4 times as long as it was when I first arrived.

I smiled. Just like with my grandpa, I was witnessing a facet of my Godmother’s life that I was unaware of. As special as my Godmother was to me, I thought about all of these people that were there for her. I’m sure they all had their own special memories of her to share. I thought of how many people were walking up to her grandchildren and telling them, “Your grandma loved you very much!” She touched many lives and brought happiness to a lot of people.

In a previous blog, I wrote: I understand that death is a part of life. I am reminded of a quote from my psychology class that said, “The hardest part of losing someone isn’t having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them – always having to fill the void, the emptiness that’s left inside your heart when they go.” This is so true. Leo Buscaglia said, “Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time.” Also true. Bruce Lee, who died at the young age of 32, said, “If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.”

In yet another previous blog I wrote: the late author Terry Pratchett says this: “No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.” This ties in with the “ripple effect” mentioned in the above picture. Life will go one long after we are gone, but as long as our stories are shared, or a memory is relived, or our name comes up – there are ripples. Based on the amount of people I saw this weekend, my Godmother will be leaving ripples for a long time.

In the meantime, we “adjust” to life without her …

Has it really been 40 years?!

The man in the picture above is my grandpa. He was my mom’s dad. In February of 2018, I blogged about him in the following blog on his birthday:

I only got 11 years …

As I was going through my Facebook memories, I realized that it was 40 years ago today that he passed away. It was the first time in my life I ever had to deal with someone close to me dying. As an 11 year old kid, this rocked my world. It was one of those days that is forever etched in my memory.

I recall the phone ringing early that morning. I remember my mom frantically running around, calling my dad at work, and waking my brother and I up. The call was from my grandmother, who had received a call that my grandfather was in Muskegon hospital and had a heart attack. There obviously were many other phone calls to others as everyone rushed to get dressed and out the door.

My brother and I were obviously NOT going to school that day. My parents dropped me off at my other grandparents house for the day. They immediately headed to my grandmother’s to pick her up. I believe my aunt and uncle met them there and they all drove to Muskegon (an approximately 3 hour drive).

Along the way, if memory serves me correctly, my dad was pulled over for speeding. Once the officer heard what was going on, they received a police escort to the hospital. By the time they arrived, however, it was too late. My grandfather had already passed away.

1980 – Christmas Eve – Grandma and Grandpa at the familiar dining table with the huge wooden spoon and fork on the wall.

From the time we were dropped off at my grandparents, my grandma tried to keep us occupied. While much of that time is a blur, I remember when the phone rang and my grandma answered the phone. I remember seeing her get visibly shaken and asked many questions. I recall being anxious to find out what was going on. That is when my grandma slowly got up from the table, hung the phone back up on the wall and sat down next to us on the couch.

“I’m sorry, boys. Grandpa died at the hospital.” I remember crying and not even knowing why I was crying! None of it made any sense to me. I asked when he was coming home and was told that he wasn’t. I remember hoping that it was all a dream or just some false information. I just couldn’t comprehend it all.

I had never been to a funeral in my life. I had never seen anyone in a casket. I remember the days prior to the funeral and a lot of people in and out of my grandma’s house. I recall standing out in the driveway in between cars questioning God as to why this was happening. I just didn’t understand it.

I saw how upset my grandma, my mom, and my aunts were. I saw how it affected my dad and his parents. My cousins were still really too young to grasp any of what was going on. I am not sure my brother really did either. While watching all of them, and seeing how they were feeling, I still couldn’t figure out what I was feeling either!

Grandma holding me while Grandpa looks on …

As with most funerals, there is a time for just family to come in. I recall my mom, my aunts, and my grandma crying. I was scared to go up to the casket. I remember my dad asking me if I was ok and if I wanted to go up there. He knew I was scared and told me it was ok. I remember it being very weird. There was my grandpa, who was always so full of life and laughing, just laying there. I touched his hand and remember being freaked out at how cold he was. My dad did the best he could to explain things to me. I just didn’t get it. Perhaps, I didn’t want to get it. I think deep down, I didn’t want any of it to be real!

One thing that really stands out in my memory about that day was the amount of people who paid their respects to him. There were SO many people there. Family, friends, sales associates, and more. I met many people that he knew while at the funeral home. My grandma, or my mom, or my dad would introduce me to someone and they all had nice things to say about him. “You’re grandpa was a great friend,” “You’re grandpa loved you,” “You’re grandpa was very special to me,” and on and on. I knew how much he meant to me, but to see all the people that knew him, loved him, and respected him … I had a whole new view of him. His life crossed paths with many people and he made an impression. He was loved by more people than I realized.

Grandpa and me – Christmas 1970. I am 7 months old here

I remember going to church with him as a kid. I often sat next to him and would draw pictures in the church bulletin. I would draw pictures of Jonah and the whale, Jesus coming out of the tomb, or just pictures of rainbows and such. I have long forgotten what his voice sounded like, but I remember his voice booming when he sang a hymn at church.

My grandma had an end table in their living room that had doors on it. Inside the table was a stack of coloring books and crayons. I didn’t often listen to what the adults talked about, but one conversation I over heard parts of and I vividly recall my grandpa saying to someone, “One day I’ll see my Savior face to face and that will be amazing.”

I don’t really know how I came to be the one who got this, but I know that this was something that my grandpa carried around in his wallet. It was folded in half. The cross is a bit crushed now, but I still have it:

In a way, the above poem brings comfort to me. I know that my grandpa has indeed met his Savior face to face. I also know that in the future, so will I. There will also be a wonderful reunion in the future, and I will see him again.

40 years have flown by. So many milestones and changes have occurred. Yet so many things surrounding the events of September 24, 1981 are as clear as ever in my memory. As I stated in my previous blog:

The first real life lesson was learned by me that September. If there is someone special in your life who means something to you – tell them! If you love someone – tell them! Never pass up the opportunity to hug or kiss someone! You may never get the chance to do it again.

I was truly lucky to have had 11 wonderful years with him in my life.