Bestie Birthday Wish

While she has been mentioned before in a few blogs, I have one friend who has never had one completely devoted to her. Today, on her birthday, I want to rectify that.

As we get older, memories tend to fade. Details can get lost. We may remember things a bit differently than they actual happened. That’s one of the reasons I try to put things down here on my blog, to preserve those memories. Earlier this week, I focused on music from 1982, which is where we have to go for the beginning of my friendship with Margaret.

In our school district, there were like seven or eight elementary schools. So when we merged together in 7th grade, we met a whole lot of new people and made many new friends. I am sure that Margaret and I had more than just one class together in 7th grade, but I just don’t really remember anything but band class.

I can almost bet that I was the one who started talking to her. I remember thinking that she was pretty and so I bugged her a lot. I know that I drove her crazy. I was a pest. FYI – junior high Keith was a real dork. Yet, she was sweet and talked to me. Before the summer, we swapped phone numbers. I spent a lot of time on the phone talking to her in 7th and 8th grade. This was in the days before “call-waiting” and it drove my mom crazy that I tied up the phone. I’m sure her folks felt the same way.

I remember passing notes in the hallway in school. Recently she sent me a picture of one that I wrote her. It was folded and read “To: A sexy girl I just happened to see walking down the hall and is my bestest friend. From: Some Goon.” I laughed. It was totally something I would write. I’m sure there was little or no content in the letter, more than likely it read, “This class sucks. What are you doing later? Steve broke my trumpet today,” or something like that.

Our friendship grew throughout high school. We became very close. I think her folks, my folks, and certainly my grandparents wanted us to date, but we had a very special friendship and that was fine with us. We never dated, but went on dates, if that makes sense. We went to a few dances together in school (Homecoming, Snowball Dance). After one of those dances, I remember we were sitting in her driveway and ready to wrap up the evening. We had been talking and knowing that she was going to go in the house, we both sat there for a minute. I’m pretty sure I was the one who moved in for a kiss, and as we got close to each other, we both started laughing. We just knew that we’d never be more than friends.

We both had Ford Escorts our senior year of high school. She tried to teach me how to drive a stick shift in hers in the school parking lot. I just wasn’t getting it and most likely burned out her clutch. She got me back one day, though. I was in the band room early, as I always was. She came busting through the band room doors and said, “Where’s Keith!!??” I came out of the band library and she was crying saying, “I hit your car!” The parking lot was icy and she slid into the bumper of my car and caused it to dent in. It was really nothing and we both laugh about that to this day.

Margaret was always smarter than me. She was in the higher math and English classes. She was always getting her homework done (unlike me). She did like to cause trouble occasionally. I am sure that I blogged about this before, but Margaret, Ronnie and I all went out to TP our friend Steve’s house for his birthday. After the job, we stood on his front lawn and looked up at his bedroom window and sang “Happy Birthday.” As we turned to run away, the three of us were grabbed by a couple policemen who threw us in the back of their police cruiser. I think we all thought we were going to jail! Graduation wasn’t too far away and I remember freaking out! Steve’s mom smoothed it over for us and we were all let go – to clean up our mess.

After high school, she was off to college and would go on to become a nurse. She got married and had children before I did. At this point, let me quote from an earlier blog (1/1/2020):

When her daughter, Marissa, was born she asked me to be her Godfather. I was honored to do it. A Godfather is a very important role for an Italian. When I got married the first time, sadly, I saw less and less of Margaret and my Goddaughter. Whenever I was supposed to get together with them, I was always informed that we couldn’t go or we had something to do with my ex’s family. (If you have followed this blog for any length of time, you are well aware of the narcissism that I dealt with and how miserable my life had become.)

After the divorce, Margaret was one of the first to reach out to me. She completely understood what was going on. Her forgiveness meant everything to me. I hurt her. I was hurt, too. I lost many years of our friendship, and I lost so many moments with my Goddaughter. After all of that, Margaret (and many other friends) had every right to just stop talking to me, but our friendship meant so much, that we have picked up where we left off.

When I attended my Goddaughter’s 21st birthday party, I pulled her aside and apologized for missing so many important things in her life. How do you explain that to someone? As I looked back on the past, my stomach was in knots. I was sickened to think of how I must have made so many people feel. She didn’t bat an eye, however, and told me she loved me and we all enjoyed a great evening! I remember driving home from her party crying my eyes out. It wasn’t fair to her that I missed so many things. It makes me angry to know that I missed so much, but I am also happy that I can try to make up for lost time with her!

From that party – two of my favorite pictures:

Shortly before our daughter was born, Sam and I went to lunch/drinks with Margaret and her husband Walt. We really had a great time. We laughed a lot and shared some stories (like the ones above) that our spouses were hearing for the first time). Much like Sam, Margaret was also a very important part of my post-divorce life. Reconnecting with her was so special to me. Again, from that earlier blog:

During lunch, Margaret said something that struck a chord. It was something that made me sad, and happy at the same time. She said, “I have seen you more and talked to you more in the past two years, than the entire time you were married.” This made me sad, because of what I touched on early – a great friendship almost destroyed, as well as the relationship between my Goddaughter and me, all because of the stupidity of someone else. It made me happy to know that our friendship remains and will grow even stronger in the years ahead.

It has certainly done that! She and Walt brought us food at the hospital the night Ella was born. She has become the most amazing aunt to Ella and Andrew! She loves them so much and spoils them rotten. What a blessing she is to me and my family.

Margaret,

I can’t help but think back on the incredible and amazing journey of our friendship. I am reminded of the countless moments that have brought so much joy and meaning to my life. From the day we met, I knew there was something special about you, beside you being Italian! I am so grateful for your genuine kindness, your support and advice, and of course, your infectious laughter. Throughout it all, your constant support has been a source of comfort and inspiration for me.

On your birthday, I want to tell you how much you mean to me. For years, you have been a rock through thick and thin, always there to listen and offer non-biased advice and counsel. You’ve celebrated my successes as if they were your own and offered me an ear during my toughest times. Our friendship is a treasure that I cherish deeply.

I read something recently that I can easily apply to you and me: “Everyone has ‘a friend’ for each stage of life, but only lucky ones have that ‘same friend’ in all stages of life.” THANK YOU for being that ‘same friend” to me!

Today, I wish you happiness, love, and laughter. I thank you for all the wonderful memories of the past and look ahead to many more in the future. I love you, my friend.

Something’s Missing!

Warning – Band Alumni Rant To Follow!

It is no secret to anyone who follows my blog that I am a Band Nerd through and through! I have many wonderful memories of playing in band when I was in school. Many memories surround the high school Homecomings.

Homecoming was always on a Saturday. We’d start the day in the morning by marching in the parade. There would be an hour or so break between the end of the parade and the actual homecoming game. After the game, we’d all go home to shower and get ready for the dance that would take place that evening. It was an all day event.

Sam had mentioned earlier in the week that the homecoming parade for our local high school was tonight. We talked about taking the kids to watch it. The route is a short distance from our house, so we all dressed and loaded up the stroller and walked to get a good spot.

From where we stood, we could look down the street to see where the parade would be starting from. At 5pm on the dot, I could see the drum major leading the band out onto the main drag. Local police and fire trucks were usually at the head of our homecoming parades, but this one had the band front and center.

As the band approached, I awaited the “roll off” which would ultimately prompt the band to play the school song. The school song was always a song played on parade routes for us. There was usually one or two other songs we’d rotate through as we marched. If we were marching in a holiday parade, we might have a Christmas song in there.

The band kept coming closer and there was still no music. I figured they were waiting for a spot full of spectators before playing. Our drum majors often did this. If there was a stretch with just a few people, we marched without playing. However, if there was a big line of people along the route, you could rest assured we were playing.

Then I noticed why there was no music – the band members didn’t even have their instruments! The only ones who did were the drummers. I was floored (and disappointed) by this. It was a beautiful day – sunny and about 65 degrees at parade time – why were they not playing? I couldn’t even fathom this.

The band walked by and were all chanting or yelling something. It was probably “Go Mustangs” or “Hurray for Clio” or something like that. Why wouldn’t you want to belt out the school fight song along the route? I don’t get it. You are at the front of the parade – it’s your time to shine. You have that golden opportunity to set the stage for everything else that follows, and you just walk on by. Heck, they may as well have been throwing candy into the crowd like everyone else did in my opinion. They were no different than the boy scouts sitting on a flatbed …

When I think of a band in a parade, I think of brass players right out in front with their notes piercing through the air and letting everyone along the parade route know they are coming! They are belting out the school fight song that alumni along the road can sing along with and little kids can clap along with. Maybe it’s just a great march from John Phillip Sousa to fire up the crowd before they all file into the stands to watch the grid iron competition. The band is such an important part of a parade.

When they plan the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, they choose 10-12 high school or university bands from across the country to perform. That, in itself, tells you of the importance of the presence of a marching band in a parade. Last year in the Detroit Thanksgiving parade, there were 5 bands that performed. Even in the Mickey Mouse photo above, the characters are playing musical instruments. To me, this says that a band is vital to a good parade.

I remember vividly that our band director, Tom Shaner, would take us out at least once during homecoming week to march around the neighborhood in preparation for the parade. It was always neat to see people standing on their front porches to watch us go by. The kids who were too young to be in school would watch us and jump around and dance to the school song. Marching bands and music make people smile!

By definition, Homecoming is a long-standing American tradition where colleges and high schools would welcome alumni back to campus and the community. So when I graduated, we got some of the old band gang back together to march in the homecoming parade. Mr. Shaner was more than happy to have us back. A highlight of getting ready for the parade was meeting together a few weeks before hand to rehearse music. With all of us sitting around in the band room, it was like old times.

That first year we gathered up quite a group with good instrumentation and we marched. We used to joke that we’d need oxygen at the end of the parade! For many, we hadn’t picked up our horns in months or years! We always counted on the newly graduated to sort of carry the older folks.

A buddy’s brother designed our logo to put it on sweatshirts so we could all sort of be in uniform. What a blast we’d have getting together every year. Once Mr. Shaner retired, the interest to get together started to fade. I sure do miss playing my trumpet in those parades.

I’m not 100% sure why the local band didn’t play in the parade. Perhaps there is a specific reason. I don’t know. As a former band student, I was disappointed – not only for me, but for my kids (and all the kids on the parade route). I wanted them to hear the sounds of the band! I’m also disappointed for the band members. What is there to remember about your homecoming parade if you weren’t playing a special piece of music? Even if all you played was the school fight song 5-10 times along the route – play something! What kind of memory is just walking along? What is a marching band without music? I guess it’s just a bunch of people walking ….

My First Date

I tend not to use daily writing prompts, as many of them I find silly or just stupid. However, every once in a while, one will come in the email that makes me go “I haven’t written about that” or “That might be fun to write about.” Today, the prompt was “Do you remember your first date?”

My first date happened when I was a sophomore. It was the first year that I was in marching band. I wasn’t the one who asked, it was actually a girl who asked me out! A senior!! This, in itself, was pretty mind blowing to me, but it didn’t blow my mind at first … because I thought she was joking!!

Let me say that I never went to dances in junior high school. I suppose if I had a steady girlfriend, I may have went to a dance, but I didn’t.

In high school we had two bands. One was the varsity band, which was made up of all freshman (there were a lot of us) and we all knew each other from being in junior high band. By the time I got to concert band in 10th grade, there were plenty of upper classmen that I hadn’t met yet. I met many of them for the first time when we gathered for Band Camp in August.

Homecoming always happened in October, and I guess it was sometime in late September that I was in the band room after class and one of the French Horn players walked by me and said “So, Keith, you’re taking me to Homecoming, right?!” I remember answering “Oh, sure” or something like that. I kinda blew it off and kept walking. Who in the world would want to go to a dance with me??!!

If memory serves me correctly, she asked me one or two more times after that and I again, chuckled, said yes in a joking way and blew it off. She must have figured out that I didn’t know she was serious and the other French Horn player came over to me one day and said, “You do know that she is 100% serious, right?!” THAT blew my mind!

I could not even imagine that anyone would want to go to a dance with me. Hell, I had never danced with a girl before in my life! My mind was racing with all kinds of things. “What do I do on a first date?” “What do I wear to a dance?” “What if I can’t dance?” You know, typical high school questions….

Once I was told she was serious, I think I asked her – just to be sure! She laughed at me and said, “If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have asked you!” So now I have a date! I came home and told my folks. I remember my dad saying I needed to wear a nice tie. He had to tie it, because I certainly had no idea how to tie one! My mom said I needed to get a corsage (“What is a corsage?”) for her. I think they thought it was cool that I was going to be going out ….. on a date …… with a girl!

I didn’t have a car, so I am sure we went with a friend. They picked me up at my house and my date was already in the car. I remember my folks with their camera, snapping pictures (which have been lost somewhere, sadly). Once we were able to break away from the paparazzi, we were off to the dance. I remember walking in and feeling out of place, but my date quickly made me feel better by making jokes and making me laugh.

My first dance? I don’t remember much about it, as I was kind of spaced out. I sort of remember the slow song (probably a Madonna song) starting and my date asking me to dance. I told her I had never danced before and she pulled me out anyway. Butterflies?! Boy, did I have butterflies!!!! So there I was, both hands on her back, swaying back and forth to the song. I remember later dancing to another slow song and her laying her head on my shoulder. More butterflies.

You’d think I would have a better recollection of such a big moment in a teen’s life. I wish I did. Outside of those two dances, the rest of the dance is kind of a blur to me. For what it is worth, it has been over 30 years since my first date. What I DO remember about that night is actually very embarrassing.

Our Homecoming happened all in one day. We were up early to be at the Pancake Breakfast. Then we headed to the band room to prepare for the Homecoming parade at 9 or 10. After that we got an hour break to eat lunch and then head to the football game. Kickoff was like 1pm or so. We were there early for the pregame show and then stayed through the whole game, which ended about 4 or 5. The dance would follow that evening in the gym at 8. So it was a long day.

After the dance, my date and I went with the others who drove us to Chi-Chi’s. This would be a very popular “after dance” or “after concert” place to eat. The dance had probably ended at about 11pm and then we all went out to dinner. I was usually in bed by 10pm. So here we are at dinner and I am literally fighting to keep my eyes open. I know I probably put my head down at some point. I was a light weight. I couldn’t hang with the big boys and girls! I probably dozed in the car on the way home, too. It was pretty embarrassing. I know the others got quite a laugh. I was a terrible date for her.

I’m sure one of the others may read this and correct any misinformation or add to the story, but this is what I remember. It must not have been THAT bad, as I remain friends with her to this day.

Voices of the Past

This weekend, I DJ’d homecoming dance. For high schools, all my new music is on a hard drive and I play it from the computer. When I do weddings or parties, I still bring some CDs. Recently, I have been going through boxes of CDs in hopes of putting what I don’t have on my hard drive, on the drive.

While most of my CDs are professional ones containing albums and music, I have some homemade CDs of things that I have burned to CD from various places I have worked. I found 2 CDs marked “B95 Stuff” and “More B95 Stuff” in a box and took them with me to listen to in the car. I was unsure if these CDs were data or audio CDs. When I popped them in the CD player, I was happy to find they contained audio clips.

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Most of the audio was phone calls from listeners. I used to do an “impossible question” every day for prizes and there were many phoners of listeners guessing the answer. One of my favorite calls was on the first disc. A woman caller simply asked, “Yes, is the answer poop? Going poop!?” Like the word poop wasn’t enough … she had to explain “going poop”! There were also many requests, as I did a request lunch show.

I also found some interviews with Mary Chapin Carpenter, Tim Rushlow from Little Texas, and Terri Clark. Some of the phoners were just silly things, I used to have listeners say things like “Keith Allen? They let him out on parole?” or “I love every thing about this station, but Keith Allen!” or “Keith Allen? Turn that radio off!” There were a couple calls that took me by surprise.

Call #1

The first one was hearing a call with my friend, Marie. If you read my previous blog, Marie was my friend who just passed away last week.

That blog is here: https://nostalgicitalian.com/2019/09/21/time-life-death-ripples/

There were actually 2 calls from her on that disc. One of them she wins a contest I was doing, and another she called to talk about watching Trace Adkins rear end when he was in concert. (There were other females who called to talk about his butt, as well.)

She was one of those friends who would do anything for you. When my oldest son was born, she had this beautiful blanket made with his name on it and also had a small photo album made with an engraved nameplate. When my youngest was born, she bought him one of my favorite outfits. I spoke with her just a few days before she passed and she was asking what we needed for the baby. She was always doing things for her friends. While it was nice to hear us joking around about Trace’s butt on the CD, it was sad to remember that she has just passed away. Her funeral is Wednesday.

Call #2

The second call was one from my friend Pat. I always called her Pat, but I think most people called her Trish. I also met Pat while at B95. She was forever trying to win prizes. She always came up to our remote broadcasts and talked with us. She was a HUGE fan of the band Alabama. She used to call up and say that she was lead singer, Randy Owen’s wife. I used to kid her and ask is his wife knew about that! She and I had a lot in common, and became good friends. She was a huge Elvis fan and we often talked about him and his music. I remember how excited she was when she told me she was going to Graceland. I had been there while in Memphis for a St. Jude visit, and I told her how much she was going to love it.

The first time Pat won a prize from me she was SO excited. “I won?! OH MY GOD!! WE DID IT! WE WON!!! THIS IS AMAZING!!! (Laughter) I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!” It was such a great response that I used to use that call as my “stunt winner”. If we ever had someone win a prize who was not excited about it, I’d say “Bring in the stunt winner” and play Pat’s call! The call on the CD was when she won some hockey tickets and she kept saying how much her boys were going to love it. She passed away suddenly in 2014, leaving behind her four boys and a granddaughter who she spoke of so often. She was such a wonderful person and we shared many laughs together.

Call #3

The third call that got me was a call I made to my grandma. Phone calls from my grandma were a staple on the show. I used to call her every Christmas Eve (if I worked on the holiday) or the day before. Christmas Eve was ALWAYS at her house – I wrote a blog about it here:

https://nostalgicitalian.com/2018/12/24/the-ghost-of-christmas-eve-past-and-yet-to-come/

The phone call would consist of me asking grandma what was for dinner. She would go on to talk about homemade ravioli, breaded steak and ammoglio (pronounced moy-gyoo) sauce, the many varieties of cookies, cakes, and cannoli, and the other items featured in the Christmas Eve Feast. This call, however, was NOT about Christmas Eve, which is what made it even more special.

This call actually helps me date the CDs. This call was made July 24, 2001. How do I know this? I was calling grandma to wish her Happy Birthday. During the call she offers up without hesitation that she is 77. She goes on to talk about how my dad was razzing her about something and then asks when I am coming over. She then went on to tell me how I needed to come see her “while my eyes are still open” because “I’m not going to be around much longer” as she often said.

It was emotional to hear her voice. She was sharp as a tack for so long. She was your stereotypical strong willed Italian woman. Knowing that shortly after that call, she would develop dementia was sad. She passed away in 2007, at age 83. Hearing her say “I love you” one more time on the phone – was priceless.

A Recovered Memory

I must have been doing a phone topic about teddy bears. There was probably a story about people sleeping with Teddy Bears or something, which led me to ask “Who still sleeps with a Teddy Bear?” or “Who still has their Teddy Bear from their childhood?”. The calls were about bears and toys that they had growing up. I don’t remember what the caller is talking about, but I respond about something I had growing up that I had totally forgotten about. This has a tie-in to my grandma, who I just mentioned.

It is funny how you can forget about things. I will forever remember a Teddy Bear that I had when I was little. I had it with me in the hospital when I had my tonsils out at 3 years old. The thing I had forgotten about is something I probably had around 5-7 years old. It was a hand puppet of Ernie from Sesame Street. Today, PBS has tons of kid shows. As I remember, Sesame Street, The Electric Company and Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood were pretty much it on PBS. On CBC there was Mr. Dress-up and The Friendly Giant, but that was it. Sesame Street was my “go to” show. I think somewhere there is a picture of me with Ernie and Bert slippers!

What do I remember most about this Ernie puppet? First, the head was not felt like the real Muppet. It was a hard rubber/plastic. This helped when you went to make him talk. I guess I took him everywhere. I remember I’d bring him over to my grandma’s house and she would tease me. She’d put a lit cigarette in Ernie’s mouth and make him smoke. I hated that! “Ernie doesn’t smoke, grandma! That’s bad for you!” Grandma never said his name right. She always called him “Arnie”. I remember her telling me when I was older that when my brother and I stayed overnight there I used to make her kiss Ernie goodnight! “I had to kiss that dirty old Arnie!” I literally just chuckled out loud as I wrote that because I can hear her saying it!

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In Conclusion

I have CDs of my Honey Radio shows with my partner, Rob (https://nostalgicitalian.com/2018/04/26/get-a-load-of-this-guy/), which I listen to often. I still laugh along with them. He always made me laugh. While I am sad that he has passed away, I think he’d be happy to know that I still listen to those shows and they are still funny 25 years later!

I’m glad that I decided to pop those CDs in and give them a listen. Much like the CDs of Rob and me, these also made me chuckle, but also made me sad. At the same time, they are a reminder of good friends and family, who continue to make ripples (see previous blog) long after they have gone.