Sunday Funny

I woke up to a very rainy morning. It reminded me of a silly joke:

A koala, a wallaby and a kangaroo are in the Australian outback one morning. Over coffee they are discussing the recent drought they’ve been having.

The koala says, “The weatherman on the radio earlier said we’re due for some heavy rain today.”

“That is fantastic news! It has been so very dry lately,” says the wallaby.

The kangaroo rolls her eyes, grunts and says in a huff, “That is NOT what I wanted to hear today!”

The koala looks at her perplexed and says, “Really? Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” the wallaby chimes in, “we’ve needed some rain for weeks!”

“Oh, I know,” says the kangaroo, “but that means the kids will have to play inside all day!”

Weekend Funny

I was driving by the golf course earlier today. I noticed a lot of folks squeezing in one last round before summer ends. It reminded me of a joke:

Two dimwitted golfers are teeing off on a foggy par 3. They can see the flag, but not the green. Both golfers hit from the tee into the fog. They head to the green to find their balls.

One ball is about 6 feet from the cup, while the other one made it into the cup for a hole in one. Both players are playing the same brand of ball, and they can’t figure out whose ball is whose.

The golf pro is driving by and the men ask him to weigh in. He congratulated both men on their fantastic shots. Then he looked at them and asked “Which one of you was using the orange ball?”

Sunday Funny

The world’s leading expert on European wasps enters a record store. He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

“That would be wonderful,” says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I’m terribly sorry, but I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don’t recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, “No, this just can’t be right! I’ve been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don’t recognize any of these sounds.”

The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

“This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!”

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

“What seems to be the problem, sir?”

“This is an outrage! I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!”

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir. It appears we’ve been playing you the bee side.”