So, this is a blog that I have wanted to write since June 15th.  Having something to say and not being able to say it, is annoying and very difficult.  As someone who used to look for things in daily life to share every day on the radio, having something that you need to “hold on to” for awhile is just frustrating.  You watch every word that comes out of your mouth, you can’t let anything slip, etc.  It’s like being the person who is delegated to drive the guest of honor to their surprise party! It has been driving me crazy!

Well, last night, I brought the guest to their party.  To use a VERY old cliche’, the cat is now out of the bag and I can finally share it.  Let me take you back to June 15th….(insert the “flashback harps” sound effect here):

June 15 (The Day Before Father’s Day)

On Saturdays I am up early so I can get to the radio station to be on the air from 9a-2p.  My wife, Sam, had been feeling kinda sick in the days leading up to the weekend.  It was my weekend without my sons, but because Sunday was Father’s Day, I would be getting them the next day.  We had planned to spend the evening out together.  Before I left, she again told me that she was not feeling all that great, and I told her that we could just spend time at home and not have to worry about going out anywhere.  I told her to get some rest and I would see her after the show.

I hadn’t been on the air that long, and Sam said she was going to come up to the station.  She told me that she couldn’t sleep and wanted to come up.  This is not unusual, as she has come and spent the day with me in the past.  When I left for work earlier, I told her I grabbed something small for lunch, so in all honesty, I thought she was going to bring me lunch.  She stated that she had to make a stop on the way, and after she showered, she’d be there.  I asked where she was going and she told me, “Walmart.” I asked her what she needed from there, because we had already shopped the day before.  “I need to pick up a couple things,” she told me.

She called me when she got close to the station and told me she needed a hand bringing something in (lunch, I assumed – cause, you know, everything revolves around food!).  She asked how long I had before I had to talk on the air.  I told her that I had a quick break and then had about 6 minutes before I had to talk again.  I saw her pull into the parking lot from the studio window and did my break on the air.  I walked out to her car and she handed me what looked like a cake box, telling me to be careful with it.

I asked her why she brought me a cake, after all, I am dieting and I know that cake is not exactly what I should be eating on Weight Watchers.  She said not to drop it or I’d “mess it up” (frosting everywhere, I thought).  So I took the box and we walked back into the building.  When we were walking, she asked how long before I had to talk on the air and by this time it was about 2 minutes.  She told me to wait until after I talked to open the box.

So as the song faded, I turned on the microphone, did a very entertaining break on the air, turned the microphone off, turned to Sam and said, “Can I look at my cake now?”  When I opened the box, I looked inside and was overcome with emotions immediately.  I now understood why she hadn’t been feeling well….

I must have looked at the contents of this box for 30 seconds before it all really sunk in.  I looked up, in tears (I am not afraid to admit I cried), and said, “Really?!”  Like a 5 year old, I began to jump up and down and then I grabbed her and kissed her and hugged her for a very long time.  I remember looking into her eyes and just being overwhelmed with joy.  This was something that I had not expected at all.  This was a whole new level of happiness.

Sam looked at me and said, she wished that she had got my reaction on video, but she knew if she had her phone out, she knew that I would have known she was up to something.  She’s probably right, I would have probably ruined the moment by questioning her.  As cool as it would have been to share my reaction as a video, I am glad that it was a moment that was shared between us.

I then asked why there were two pregnancy tests.  Sam said that as she read the instructions on the box, it said that it would take 3 to 4 minutes for the test to give the results.  She said that the first test read “pregnant” almost immediately … so “it had to be wrong”.  So she went to Rite Aid, bought a second test, and got the same results!  The rest of the items in the box, were what she stopped at Walmart for.  She wanted to be sure she told me in a way that I would never forget.  She did.  What an amazing Father’s Day present it was to find out that I am once again going to be a father!

Later that night

After the show, we drove down to see my Dad and Rose, since I wasn’t going to be able to see him on Father’s Day.  On the way down, Sam asked if I was going to tell my dad.  I told her that we should probably wait a bit.  As we sat there at his kitchen table drinking coffee and chatting, my phone “dinged” that I had a text message.  I looked at it, and it was from Sam (who was literally sitting right next to me!) that said, “Just tell your dad!”

My dad does not like getting gifts.  He’s always been the “if I need it, I’ll buy it” kind of guy.  I brought him over a Father’s Day card, and that will even bring about the “you didn’t have to buy me anything” comment.  So, I told him we had a “gift” for him and told him “We want you to know that you’re going to be a grandpa again.”  (If we had planned it, we probably could have done something cool to tell him, but since it was spur of the moment, this was the best I could do).  It almost scared me the way my dad jumped – ok, leaped – out of his chair and hugged me!  He was so excited.  As he hugged me, I could see Rose across the table clapping her hands quickly and then grabbing Sam to hug her.  They were SO happy.  Just another “perfect” moment to wrap a perfect day.

Oh, and my dad being my dad, said, “I hope it’s a girl!” which made me laugh hard!  He went on to explain, “You know I love my grandsons!  I’ve just never had a granddaughter.”  He didn’t have to explain, I knew why he said it.  Before my son’s were born, my mom had always hoped for a granddaughter.  My dad never said what he hoped it was, “just as long as the baby is healthy” was his response.  I think he was a bit like me – wanting a boy to carry on the name, and a girl to dance with.  I think he’s ready to spoil a granddaughter.

Waiting to tell…

Naturally, it was hard NOT to tell everyone.  There were a few people who were privy to the news.  Sam’s folks knew, siblings, and some close friends.  We had a situation come up where we had to tell the boys a little earlier than we had planned.  We had hoped to tell them a little differently than we did, but that didn’t happen.  Needless to say, they were both very surprised.  Dimitri was happy because he was “no longer the youngest.”  Dante’ said he was happy, too.  Even now, they are still asking questions.  Today, Dante’ asked if I wanted a boy or a girl.  We’re going to ask them to see what name suggestions they might have – they may have more than us!

The Ultrasound

We’ve been counting down the days to the ultrasound, which we finally had done on Wednesday.  Our doc called it the “fun” ultrasound.  This was not the “official” ultrasound, and it was just to “get a look” and “hear the heartbeat.”

I’m not sure why this process always makes me nervous.  We sat in the room and waited for the doctor to come in.  Time moves slow as you wait.  I could feel myself getting anxious.  I found myself saying little prayers off and on as I waited.  The doc came in and asked us a bunch of questions.  He finally grabbed the gel and prepared to show us our baby.  He placed the wand on Sam’s belly and moved it around……and around ….. and around…. and we saw ….. NOTHING.  Gotta tell you, I was freaking out (Sam said she was, too, when we got in the car!).

Then the doc made a comment that the ultrasound tech who used the machine last always “screws up these damn settings” and told us to hold on a sec.  He adjusted some knobs and then moved the wand around again, and there was our little “Baby P.” (Sam has called the baby that since we found out – Baby Pizzo)  The doc said that the baby was really moving around and was having a hard time getting a good picture.

After the doc captured the baby, he typed “Hi Mom and Dad” on the screen and let us hear the heartbeat.  It was a perfect 160.  What an amazing sound!  I don’t care how many times I hear that, it is one of the most emotional and wonderful sounds!  Unlike at the radio station, I was able to hold back tears as I listened to our baby’s heartbeat.  It became very real, very fast.

I was just as emotional with my two sons, but this one is truly a miracle.  Let me explain.  Not too long ago, I had the need to see a urologist.  Some tests were run and we were basically told that our chances of ever getting pregnant was about 4%.  As a man, this is not something you feel all that great about.  As a matter of fact, you feel really incapable and inadequate.  You can only imagine how surprised we were to find out that we are going to have a baby.  It really is a miracle!

There is a pretty amazing quote that says, “Where there is great love, there are always miracles.”  We are SO excited and are looking forward to the months ahead as we await the arrival of our miracle. In the time ahead, we will begin planning on creating the registry for the baby shower, highlighting name possibilities in the “baby name” book, building cribs and swings, stocking up on diapers, and watching Sam’s belly grow.  I am a bit out of practice, but I will make sure to have my “Italian” lullaby songs memorized so I can sing the baby to sleep.

A friend of mine texted today, after Sam shared our news on Facebook, and said, “Dude! Congratulations!  You know you are starting all over again, right!?”  Yes.  Yes, I am.  It’s kind of like re-reading a book you love, or re-watching a movie or TV show you love.  I enjoyed this ride before, and I am going to enjoy it all over again!

This news is proof that you should NEVER give up because you truly do not know what lies ahead.  A few years ago, I was at the end of my rope.  My life was dismal.  I almost called it quits – permanently.  Thank God, I didn’t!  Look where I am now!!  I have found true love.  I married my best friend and soul mate.  We have found happiness and overwhelming joy together and NOW are adding a child, who we love unconditionally without even having seen their face!  WOW!

Let me end with one final quote:  Jon Bon Jovi says, “Miracles happen every day.  Change your perception of what a miracle is, and you’ll see them all around you.”  Our baby is a miracle – and my life is a miracle!”