Bestie Birthday Wish

While she has been mentioned before in a few blogs, I have one friend who has never had one completely devoted to her. Today, on her birthday, I want to rectify that.

As we get older, memories tend to fade. Details can get lost. We may remember things a bit differently than they actual happened. That’s one of the reasons I try to put things down here on my blog, to preserve those memories. Earlier this week, I focused on music from 1982, which is where we have to go for the beginning of my friendship with Margaret.

In our school district, there were like seven or eight elementary schools. So when we merged together in 7th grade, we met a whole lot of new people and made many new friends. I am sure that Margaret and I had more than just one class together in 7th grade, but I just don’t really remember anything but band class.

I can almost bet that I was the one who started talking to her. I remember thinking that she was pretty and so I bugged her a lot. I know that I drove her crazy. I was a pest. FYI – junior high Keith was a real dork. Yet, she was sweet and talked to me. Before the summer, we swapped phone numbers. I spent a lot of time on the phone talking to her in 7th and 8th grade. This was in the days before “call-waiting” and it drove my mom crazy that I tied up the phone. I’m sure her folks felt the same way.

I remember passing notes in the hallway in school. Recently she sent me a picture of one that I wrote her. It was folded and read “To: A sexy girl I just happened to see walking down the hall and is my bestest friend. From: Some Goon.” I laughed. It was totally something I would write. I’m sure there was little or no content in the letter, more than likely it read, “This class sucks. What are you doing later? Steve broke my trumpet today,” or something like that.

Our friendship grew throughout high school. We became very close. I think her folks, my folks, and certainly my grandparents wanted us to date, but we had a very special friendship and that was fine with us. We never dated, but went on dates, if that makes sense. We went to a few dances together in school (Homecoming, Snowball Dance). After one of those dances, I remember we were sitting in her driveway and ready to wrap up the evening. We had been talking and knowing that she was going to go in the house, we both sat there for a minute. I’m pretty sure I was the one who moved in for a kiss, and as we got close to each other, we both started laughing. We just knew that we’d never be more than friends.

We both had Ford Escorts our senior year of high school. She tried to teach me how to drive a stick shift in hers in the school parking lot. I just wasn’t getting it and most likely burned out her clutch. She got me back one day, though. I was in the band room early, as I always was. She came busting through the band room doors and said, “Where’s Keith!!??” I came out of the band library and she was crying saying, “I hit your car!” The parking lot was icy and she slid into the bumper of my car and caused it to dent in. It was really nothing and we both laugh about that to this day.

Margaret was always smarter than me. She was in the higher math and English classes. She was always getting her homework done (unlike me). She did like to cause trouble occasionally. I am sure that I blogged about this before, but Margaret, Ronnie and I all went out to TP our friend Steve’s house for his birthday. After the job, we stood on his front lawn and looked up at his bedroom window and sang “Happy Birthday.” As we turned to run away, the three of us were grabbed by a couple policemen who threw us in the back of their police cruiser. I think we all thought we were going to jail! Graduation wasn’t too far away and I remember freaking out! Steve’s mom smoothed it over for us and we were all let go – to clean up our mess.

After high school, she was off to college and would go on to become a nurse. She got married and had children before I did. At this point, let me quote from an earlier blog (1/1/2020):

When her daughter, Marissa, was born she asked me to be her Godfather. I was honored to do it. A Godfather is a very important role for an Italian. When I got married the first time, sadly, I saw less and less of Margaret and my Goddaughter. Whenever I was supposed to get together with them, I was always informed that we couldn’t go or we had something to do with my ex’s family. (If you have followed this blog for any length of time, you are well aware of the narcissism that I dealt with and how miserable my life had become.)

After the divorce, Margaret was one of the first to reach out to me. She completely understood what was going on. Her forgiveness meant everything to me. I hurt her. I was hurt, too. I lost many years of our friendship, and I lost so many moments with my Goddaughter. After all of that, Margaret (and many other friends) had every right to just stop talking to me, but our friendship meant so much, that we have picked up where we left off.

When I attended my Goddaughter’s 21st birthday party, I pulled her aside and apologized for missing so many important things in her life. How do you explain that to someone? As I looked back on the past, my stomach was in knots. I was sickened to think of how I must have made so many people feel. She didn’t bat an eye, however, and told me she loved me and we all enjoyed a great evening! I remember driving home from her party crying my eyes out. It wasn’t fair to her that I missed so many things. It makes me angry to know that I missed so much, but I am also happy that I can try to make up for lost time with her!

From that party – two of my favorite pictures:

Shortly before our daughter was born, Sam and I went to lunch/drinks with Margaret and her husband Walt. We really had a great time. We laughed a lot and shared some stories (like the ones above) that our spouses were hearing for the first time). Much like Sam, Margaret was also a very important part of my post-divorce life. Reconnecting with her was so special to me. Again, from that earlier blog:

During lunch, Margaret said something that struck a chord. It was something that made me sad, and happy at the same time. She said, “I have seen you more and talked to you more in the past two years, than the entire time you were married.” This made me sad, because of what I touched on early – a great friendship almost destroyed, as well as the relationship between my Goddaughter and me, all because of the stupidity of someone else. It made me happy to know that our friendship remains and will grow even stronger in the years ahead.

It has certainly done that! She and Walt brought us food at the hospital the night Ella was born. She has become the most amazing aunt to Ella and Andrew! She loves them so much and spoils them rotten. What a blessing she is to me and my family.

Margaret,

I can’t help but think back on the incredible and amazing journey of our friendship. I am reminded of the countless moments that have brought so much joy and meaning to my life. From the day we met, I knew there was something special about you, beside you being Italian! I am so grateful for your genuine kindness, your support and advice, and of course, your infectious laughter. Throughout it all, your constant support has been a source of comfort and inspiration for me.

On your birthday, I want to tell you how much you mean to me. For years, you have been a rock through thick and thin, always there to listen and offer non-biased advice and counsel. You’ve celebrated my successes as if they were your own and offered me an ear during my toughest times. Our friendship is a treasure that I cherish deeply.

I read something recently that I can easily apply to you and me: “Everyone has ‘a friend’ for each stage of life, but only lucky ones have that ‘same friend’ in all stages of life.” THANK YOU for being that ‘same friend” to me!

Today, I wish you happiness, love, and laughter. I thank you for all the wonderful memories of the past and look ahead to many more in the future. I love you, my friend.

31 Years Ago

The year is ….

Ronald Reagan is President of the United States.
It cost 24 cents to mail a letter.
A gallon of gas was 91 cents.
The Washington Redskins beat the Broncos in Super Bowl XXII
The Winter Olympics were held in Calgary.
The average yearly salary was $24,500.
The LA Dodgers beat the Oakland A’s in the World Series.

1988 movies included Rain Man, Die Hard, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Big, A Fish Called Wanda, and ….

1988 music included:

…and Sweet Child O’ Mine from Guns ‘N Roses, too!

It was also a very special year for me …

Always an Abe!

I was reminded by Facebook’s “Memories” feed that it was 31 years ago this week that I graduated from Lincoln High School. (25 years later – to the day – I would graduate from college.) It’s hard to believe that it has been that long. Some days I can’t remember where I put my car keys, but I can remember graduation day like it was yesterday!

The ceremony always happened outside, unless it rained. If it rained, less people from your family could attend, because it was moved indoors to the auditorium. Luckily, the weather cooperated June 9, 1988, and we walked the stage outside in the stadium. The band performed some songs prior to things getting started. As a senior, we played through most of them. I remember conducting a number – it was called Tin Pan Alley. That is a memory I will never forget.

At the required time, the seniors left the band to go line up to walk in (to Pomp and Circumstance). I will always remember in the days leading up to graduation, sitting in band class and the seniors having to “sit out” during a number because we weren’t going to be there when they played it. Sitting in class listening to Pomp and Circumstance while the underclassmen played it was weird. It was then that I knew exactly how the seniors the year before felt when they had to listen while we played it.

I remember someone telling me that your senior year will go fast – they were right. There were times I wish there was a pause button. It was my favorite year of high school hands down. Our football team was undefeated. I had a solo in the marching band show. I went to all the dances and the prom. I got my first new car and spent many hours with my friends driving around listening to mix tapes I had made.

Things I Miss Most

It’s 31 years later and there are times I wish I could go back. There are so many things I miss about high school:

Friday Night Football Games. Yes, I miss playing in the Halftime Show, but I also miss watching our boys win! My classmates were always out their playing hard, and as I said, were undefeated my senior year. Coach Jim Benefield was the BEST! Hands down.

Movies in Class. Whenever you walked into a class and saw the TV and VCR, you were instantly excited. Even if it was some dumb educational film, it was a welcome event!

School Holidays. Winter Break! Christmas Break! Extra days surrounding other holidays! We had a lot of extra time off! And who can forget Summer Vacation?! In some countries, extra days off and built in vacation time is looked at as a must. Productivity in those countries are high and workers are happy. Sadly, once you graduate, you seem to work to death and often have to fight to get time off! I miss those holidays!!

Yearbooks. There was a time where you didn’t know what your picture looked like until the teacher passed them out. 9 times out of 10, mine came out looking terrible. Even Picture Retake Day didn’t help! There are plenty of bad yearbook pictures of me! There are also plenty of other kids with bad yearbook pictures. Today, I love sitting back and reading the things people wrote in my yearbook.

Less Responsibilities. This holds true for most adults. We tend to look back at the days of ‘freedom”. Who wouldn’t want to be in a position to not worry about whether or not you have enough money to pay bills?!

Working While Going to School. My first job was at a boat marina. They worked around my crazy band and school schedule. I don’t remember the hourly rate, but I do remember getting a check for $150-$250 every two weeks. It was like “mad money”. I used it to buy albums, tapes, books, and gadgets. I really had no bills, and a teenager rarely saves money.

Passing Notes. Long before texting, we used to write notes and pass them back and forth in classes and in the hallways. Sometimes, I’d get caught passing one in class. I did most note passing in the hallway. Many times it was just stupid gossip, a drawing, or the “Do you want to go to the dance – check yes or no” type note. Some folks even got real creative about the way the notes were folded, too!

Lockers. I am sure my locker partner, Joe (who was always good at numbers), can remember our locker combination! I remember it was outside the library, under the clock, on the second floor. I rarely used it after freshman year. I kept most of my books in the band room or in a backpack. A lot of girls decorated the inside of their lockers, and on game days, they often decorated the lockers of the football players. I think my locker was basically a storage place for whatever I didn’t want to take home.

Less Technology. I’ll be the first to admit that I am connected to my phone today. But, back in school, we weren’t connected to it. We talked to people. We had to use the card catalog to find books and encyclopedias to write reports. We used maps. We watched film strips! We had to thread the film projector. We rewound tapes to listen to a song again. Yeah, technology is great, but there were advantages to not having it too.

Field Trips. You had to have your permission slips! I never did the Washington DC trip. I did do a Florida Trip to Disney. I also loved those little trips to places like the Detroit Science Center or Cranbrook. I remember having my mom chaperone a couple times. Field trips were probably more frequent in elementary and middle school, but the ones in high school were always great fun!

Young Love. As you flip through a yearbook, you can often see those high school romances (the ones that lasted, and the ones that didn’t). I know a few people who married their high school sweetheart and they are still together!! That’s amazing! With young love comes hurt in many cases. I witnessed that at a prom I DJ’d recently. I remember seeing this guy sitting on the floor with his face in his hands and I thought, “I know how you feel, pal.”

Dances/Prom. It wasn’t until high school that I even attended a dance. It always seemed like it was just me and a few friends going to get out of the house. We never danced with anyone, we sat and talked and listened to the music. We walked around and drank that really crappy punch that always seemed to be the drink provided. I remember going to Homecoming with a gal who asked me. I had no idea even how to dance! After that night, though, I realized dancing with girls was a whole lot more fun than sitting eating those stale mints and drinking that punch! I remember using some of the money I was making at that boat job to rent a tux and go in on a limo for the fancier dances.

Teachers. No surprise here. Go back and read some of the many blogs I have written about the teachers I had in high school. They were the best! Mr. Shaner, Mr. Benefield, Mr. Balos, Mr. Yanoulaki, Mrs. Carter, Mrs. Beltz, Mr. Harvey, the list goes on and on. I am friends with many of them on Facebook. I am also friends with other teachers who I never had in class, but always respected and made an impact on me. I was lucky to know them in high school – and after!

Friends. My core group of friends and I have pretty much stayed in touch since high school. With My Space and Facebook, I have been able to reconnect with those I lost touch with. That’s one thing about technology that I am ok with. A downside to this is that since we all are connected on Facebook, our chances of a real reunion probably won’t happen (Not that we ever really had one – we didn’t. We tagged along with the Class of ’89 once, but nothing official for my class.) What was great about high school is that you always saw your friends every day. It was always extra cool when they were in the same class as you. The ones that weren’t, you couldn’t wait to meet them in the hall to tell them about something silly that happened or to plan something for after school. I miss that, but at the same time, when I am finally able to hook up with a friend on the phone or on social media, I enjoy picking up where we left off.

The Future. In high school, the future seemed so unclear. There were infinite possibilities. Your career path had not been chosen yet. There was a blank canvas for you to paint on. You had so many choices. You were in control over what you did next. The future was bright and it was something to look forward to. I’m not saying that 31 years later, I have no future, I do. It’s just different to look at it and know that the future is a bit more narrow since there is a lot less time ahead of me. I can still look ahead and know that there are a lot of good things awaiting me. I still look forward to the future, but I am looking at it through eyes that have seen more than an 18 year old. I have experienced more hurt. I have seen more cruelty and negativity. I have seen more dishonesty and hatred. I have lived through much difficulty. I look at the future a bit more cautiously now than I did at 18. I am smarter now, I hope.

Final Thoughts

Would I love to go back to the days of my youth? Would I love to have less responsibility, no bills, and have more time to just have fun? Yes. Without a doubt! However, if I were to go back to those days, I would live through some hurtful times, through depression, and shame. I would likely make some of the same bad decisions. I would make the same mistakes, maybe more.

Truth is, if I had the opportunity to go back and change things, I probably wouldn’t. Anyone who has watched Back to the Future or any time travel movie knows that all it takes is one small change to change everything else in the future. Would I like to go back and erase embarrassing moments? Would I like to go back and take back words I said in anger? Would I like to correct a mistake? Sure. But if I did that, it changes where I am today.

Yeah, I went through some real crappy times, but they all brought me to where I am today. Today, I am a happily married man. I have an amazing wife. I have two wonderful sons. I have some of the most amazing friends. I have a loving family. Life is good. Why would I want to change it?