Today, I’m a Worry Wart

I have posted this quote before, but it fits today (and hopefully will help). My grandfather once told me, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere!” Despite the truth of that, I find my mind all over the place.

As you are aware, my youngest son recently had a second surgery for his laryngomalacia. He had a follow up visit with the ENT last week and the swelling was still there. The doc said that it should have been gone by now. They did a scope in the office and found that aside of the swelling, everything looked good.

The ENT then sent off a note to the pediatric sleep neurologist saying that he didn’t feel that Andrew’s apnea was something with his throat. He told her that he thought it might be something neurological. She thought that might be the case, too. Andrew actually had a visit with the pediatric neurologist this week. We walked away from that visit with more questions and some concerning possibilities.

He is already in speech because of the original delay. Now, he is dropping syllables in words, or changing them to a different letter. “Mommy” is now “monny.” “Daddy” is now “dah-eee.” The speech therapist had noticed that it seemed as though he was losing muscle tone in his face. The neurologist feels the same way.

It was a very long appointment. At one point, after reviewing the symptoms and giving him an exam, she said, “What am I missing?” She thought a bit more and presented the plan. We are at the point where we need to start ruling stuff out. There were many procedures ordered and we are going to be very busy.

He will have a 24 hour EEG, a brain MRI, generic blood workup, and yet another sleep study. The EEG will help rule out seizures. The brain MRI will help to rule out cerebral palsy. The sleep study will evaluate where his apnea is at and the possibility of another CPAP machine. The generic blood work is to rule out things like Fragile X syndrome and other possible genetic disorders. He will also see a specialist to rule out things like Muscular Dystrophy.

As a father, these things brought my stress levels sky high. Andrew has already been through so much. I don’t want to have to put him through any more, but we need to know what’s going on. Our neurologist applauded Sam and I for being proactive. Our medical backgrounds really made us question a lot, and she said that we are ahead of the game.

Sam keeps me balanced. I expressed my worries to her and she told me that we can’t worry about what we don’t know yet. There are a lot of possibilities, but until we have something to worry about, Sam and I will pray that all will be ok.

It helps me to write this down for a couple reasons. First, seeing it in front of me “gets it out.” Next, it allows me to fill folks in who are asking about what is going on. Finally, it allows me to expand the prayer chain. If you pray, can I ask that you keep this fine young man in yours?

Thanks in advance!

Sending Them Up

Anxiety. Fear. Sadness. Unrest. Nervousness. Sorrow. Overwhelmed. Confused.

Any one of those feelings can be crippling. All of them swirling together are scary. With the wrong mindset, it can be devastating. Those feelings don’t hit me all at once often, but when they do, it is easy to try to figure it out myself. That never works. When I try to fix something alone, I just make it worse.

I can never do anything alone. I’m an imperfect being. I will almost always fail. So I remind myself of one of my favorite verses of Scripture:

Careful in the KJV means “anxious or nervous”. Don’t be nervous or anxious about anything. Instead, in EVERY THING – and I believe every thing means every thing – go to God. He knows the outcome before we do. The key is to take things to Him and TRUST that He’s got it.

So just like every day, today I go to Him. He knows what’s on my mind. I will trust that He hears my prayers and He will get me through. He will give me what I need to be the person I need to be for family and friends. He will provide.

“Can We Pray?”

It was unexpected, and it caught me off guard. It was also exactly what I needed.

A high school friend reached out to me on Facebook earlier today. She was just checking in as it had been a bit since we chatted. Rather than message her back, I called her on my way to work. I had interrupted her viewing of “Pretty Woman,” but she took the call anyway.

She has been a wonderful friend and offered positive vibes and support through some tough times. We basically spent the time catching each other up on life. She commented that AJ is getting big too fast and said that Ella looks like a wonderful big sister. Then she asked about my older sons. She is well aware of the situation and struggles that I have had with them since my divorce. I shared some of the recent drama and filled her in on the latest.

When I pulled into work, there was already a patient in the parking lot. I was quite early, so it must have been an early arrival. I mentioned that I had arrived at work and that I would catch up soon.

Before we hung up, she said, “Can we pray?” I’m not sure why this was such a surprise to me. I know that she is a woman of faith. We have often spoke to each other and asked each other to pray about things. In all the years we have been friends, this would be the first time we prayed together.

I closed my eyes, and she prayed. We prayed.

“Amen.”

I have often found myself praying on the drive in, or when I get to the parking lot, or walking through the supermarket. It was just me and God. This time, my friend and I sat in prayer together and it struck a chord. She doesn’t know just how much that meant, and so I say “Thank you.” It is one thing to say, “I’ll pray for you.” It is another to pray WITH you.

Thank you, my friend. I hope you know just how much that meant to me.