My high school band director was born on this day in 1935. He was a mentor and a friend. He was one of the most important influences in my life both in high school and after.
I have told this story before, but for new readers it is worth repeating. My junior year was a rough one for me and Mr. Shaner was always there with an ear to listen. He offered support, direction and advice. So when they planned the band banquet for that year, they wanted someone to do a speech about him. I volunteered.
I said that after you spend enough time with him, he begins to grow on you. I went behind the podium and put on a bald cap. (laughter) I then went behind the podium and came back with a baton and then imitated the way he’d look at it and such. (more laughter) I then went into a tirade of phrases and such that he often said in class like, “There is no way that you practiced this!” “The trumpets are way too loud again.” etc… (out of control laughter)
I had no idea how I was going to end the speech. I think I had just planned to say some nice things on behalf of our band. I ended up thanking him for all he did for me. It was an emotional and unscripted moment.
Afterward, he came up and wrapped me in a hug. He said to me, “That was the worst impression I have ever seen!” This brought more laughter and wound up being one of my favorite photos.
The following year, he got me back by doing a spot on impression of me which brought down the house! It was absolutely amazing!
After graduation, I approached him about getting the alumni together to march in the homecoming parade. They used to have an alumni band, but it hadn’t performed for a while. He was totally open to the idea and even ran rehearsals for us.
We started out with a bunch of us old folks and had a blast!
The above picture is from the first year. The band was back together! Eventually, we even got sweatshirts printed up and we actually looked like we had a “uniform.”
The group continued to perform up until the year after Mr. Shaner retired. I remained in touch with him up until his passing in 2020. I think of him often and he is always on my mind on August 1st.
37 years ago this week I graduated from high school. I was such a band nerd in high school. Band was my life in high school. It was a place where you were accepted, you worked together, and core memories were made.
I remember my sophomore and junior years playing music before the commencement ceremony began. The entire band played together until a couple minutes before the senior class walked out and to their seats. The seniors from band would get up shortly before then and take their place in line. After one more song, the remaining lower classmen would play Pomp and Circumstance as the seniors walked in.
I have posted pictures on this blog before of me conducting the band at graduation. That is a memory that will not fade any time soon. It was such an amazing moment. After the number I conducted, another senior (our drum major) got his turn to conduct the band. I can’t recall the number we played before we had to leave the band and get in line, but I remember the sadness that overwhelmed me as our group of seniors got up.
Our band director, Tom Shaner, was such a mentor and friend to me. That remained the case long after high school. When he passed away, I wrote about him. You can read that here.
As we walked to join our class, my friend Joe (who is in at the right of the photo) and I took a detour and walked past Mr. Shaner. There was no way I was walking by without hugging him. I was so grateful that my parents caught this moment on camera. I’m not sure, but I was probably crying. LOL
One thing that I never really noticed in the picture is that my friend Mary (who went on to teach) is actually snapping a picture of the moment, too. Next to her is my friend Theresa whose left leg is in a pink cast. If memory serves me right, she had broke it just a couple weeks before dancing at our band banquet.
If I go back and compare this photo to the one of me conducting, I could probably tell you who is next to Theresa. I don’t recognize the legs or shoes in this picture. LOL
I cannot even believe that it has been 37 years. What I wouldn’t give to be able to experience sitting in band class again. What I wouldn’t give to have one more chat with Mr. Shaner.
I’m not sure kids today realize just how special those high school years are. Good high school experiences will stay with you for a lifetime. The bad experiences will too. I pray that kindness, encouragement, and friendships overcome bullying, hatred, and the cruelty that is found in so many schools today.
I’m glad that I can look back fondly at mostly good memories from high school.
This Sunday (6/9) will mark 36 years since I graduated from high school. Coincidentally, I graduated from college with my Associates Degree 25 years later (11 years ago). I mention this because there have been so many graduation posts on Facebook over the last week or two. Many of my friends have been celebrating the college and high school graduations of their sons, daughters and grandchildren and they pictures and messages have been wonderful to read.
For the Friday Photo Flashback today, I share two photos from my high school graduation day. The first is one with my dad and me.
I remember when we took this photo thinking it was corny, but looking back at it now, I am so glad we took it. I’m sure there were plenty of times that my folks wondered if I’d ever get grades good enough to graduate! I had so much trouble with Algebra and often did the bare minimum in some of the classes that I hated (like Family Life – URGH). Luckily, there were plenty of classes that I took that I did like.
This photo is taken in our driveway just before I left to go to commencement. I was in band and we played before the ceremony started, so I had to be there early. That is my Ford Escort that my grandmother bought me for graduation. I laugh because of the stuff painted on it and the cat that is suction cupped to the back window. The Oops at the left rear bumper is where my friend Margaret slid into my car one winter morning (that’s a story in itself).
I truly love this photo of my dad and me.
The second photo is from later that evening, but before the ceremony. Our ceremony was held outdoors in the football stadium. The stage was set up in the center of the field and parents and family were seated in the stands to watch. The band set up on the track in front of the field. The first few numbers were played with all the seniors in place. When it was close to the start of the ceremony, the seniors left and lined up to walk into the stadium.
I remember all of the little things that happened in the month or two before graduation where the reality of school ending would hit me. One of those things was when we went to band class and there were songs that were played without us senior players. We sat and listened and it was hard. I loved playing music so much, I hated the fact that it was all coming to and end for me.
One of my favorite memories of that night was getting to conduct the band. There were a couple of us who did that. I picked a song called Tin Pan Alley, which was a medley of songs like I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover, Ain’t She Sweet, and Happy Days Are Here Again. It was a long song and I was surprised I was allowed to conduct that one.
I remember it was a tad breezy that night and at one point the conductor’s score flipped a few pages. Thank goodness I was familiar with the song and really didn’t need it. As I look at this photo I see many classmates that I am still in contact with. Our valedictorian, Debbie, who is playing trumpet in the white cap and gown played the trumpet solo that I had played when we did it in concert because I was conducting. Directly to the right of my left hand, you can see a leg in a pink cast. That’s Theresa, if memory serves me right, she fell and broke her ankle at the band banquet a few weeks prior to graduation.
What an amazing feeling to be in front of the band, and in control of the tempo and volume of a piece of music. We had a conducting class that year and many of us got to conduct warm up pieces before rehearsal began. I learned so much from this and I would love the opportunity to do that again.
You know what’s funny? After 36 years, I can remember exactly how that song goes. I remember all the transitions, the tempo changes, the drum and cymbal cues, and solos. I could probably sing it for you note for note.
Shortly after this, all of our band seniors got up, shook hands with Mr. Shaner (our director), and lined up with the rest of our class. For three years, we had been the ones playing Pomp and Circumstance on a loop as seniors walked down the aisles and to their seats. Now, it was our turn. What a surreal moment to be listening to it as we walked in and prepared to get our diplomas.
Time for another edition of the Friday Photo Flashback. Today, we go back to May of 1987 to the annual Band Banquet.
I stumbled on the above photo in a stack of pictures from my dad. I realize that the photo is a bit blurry, but if you look carefully, you will see that I have a conductor’s baton sticking in my shirt collar. This was just one of many things our band director, Tom Shaner, used to do.
If you are not familiar with the story, I blogged about it when Mr. Shaner passed away. Here is an excerpt from that blog:
My junior year of high school, the band officers were discussing the agenda for the annual Band Banquet. We needed one more speech, so I said I’d get up and do an imitation of Mr. Shaner. That night I was nervous. I got up and started my speech by saying “The longer you’re in band, the more Mr. Shaner starts to grow on you…” with that I ducked under the podium and threw on a bald cap. I then put a baton in the back of my shirt collar like he did. I “yelled” about how nobody practiced, talked about retiring and some of the other things he used to say. As the laughter died down, I realized I hadn’t written an “out”. I went on to thank Mr. Shaner for the many times he opened his office to listen to me talk about life, and issues I was dealing with. I don’t recall all I said, but I got pretty emotional and ended by telling him I loved him. He got up and we hugged. Somewhere I have a picture of that moment.
I actually found that photo, too!
Back to the first photo. We did our band banquets at this little VFW Hall every year. I remember the sound system being just awful. If you touched the microphone the wrong way, it became all static and no one could understand what you were saying. The set up for the banquet was pretty much the same every year. The officers all sat up front and each of us had a responsibility. Some gave out awards, others gave out letters, some introduced speakers, etc.
As I look at this photo, Joe is wearing sunglasses to my right. I can’t remember exactly why he was wearing them. He may have had his eyes dilated or something. To my left is our band president (who sadly just passed away unexpectedly) Ingrid. You really can’t see her, however, it looks like she is covering her face. I guess I’d like to think she’s covering her face saying to herself, “Oh my gosh, why did we let him talk!?” To her left is Ron, our second drum major. I love that he is cracking up in the picture. His laugh was so boisterous!
This is one of those times I wish I still had the video of this, or at least a panoramic picture of the officer’s table. There was a lot of laughter that year, and Mr. Shaner waited a full year to get me back. You can read about that and him here:
These two photos remind me of such a fun time. Those band banquets were such fun. After dinner and all of the awards and speeches, there was a live band that played music all night. There was plenty of dancing and many laughs. It was always a very special night for us.
Yesterday was Veteran’s Day. Facebook will filled with photos and stories of men and women in uniform yesterday. It made me proud to know so many friends who served in the armed forced. At the same time, I was saddened to see photos of those who lost their lives while serving our country – grandfathers, fathers, uncles, brothers, and other relatives.
Yesterday was also Remembrance Day. I had forgotten that Remembrance Day also falls on November 11. It is a memorial day observed in Commonwealth member states since the end of the First World War to honor armed forces members who have died in the line of duty.
I was reminded of a musical story. It is sort of a “behind the music” sort of story and I hope it is ok to post this a day late.
This man is Frederick Joseph Ricketts. He wrote music under the name Kenneth J. Alford. (He wrote under this name because he was serving in the military and it was frowned upon to have a side job writing music!) He was considered by many to be the “British March King.” So, he was the John Phillip Sousa of Britain if you will. He was Bandmaster in the British Army and the Director of Music for the Royal Marines.
Admittedly, his most famous piece is the Colonel Bogey March. You may not know it by name, but I assure you that you will recognize the melody. Give it a listen:
Wikipedia says, “While there are several speculations of how the march was begun, the most accepted is probably from a note written by Ricketts’ widow to the publishers in 1958:
“While playing golf on the Fort George course, one of the members whistled the first two notes (B flat and G) instead of calling ‘Fore!’, and with impish spontaneity was answered by my husband with the next few notes. There was little sauntering—Moray Firth’s stiff breezes encouraged a good crisp stride. These little scraps of whistling appeared to ‘catch on’ with the golfers, and from that beginning the Quick March was built up”. Was the original whistler the colonel? We’ll probably never know for certain, but the title Colonel Bogey gives us a clue.
During World War 1, he wrote several marches which he dedicated to the fighting forces. Those marches included The Great Little Army, On the Quarter Deck, The Voice of the Guns, and a song that I remember playing in while in high school – The Vanished Army.
I remember before we began rehearsing this song, our band director (Tom Shaner) read us a story about the song. During the first few months of the war, the British Army saw the loss of 100,000 soldiers in combat. This was obviously quite a shock to them and the British public at the time. Ricketts wrote the song and dedicated it “to the first 100,000.” The song’s subtitle was “They Never Die.”
The song is a somber march, which is odd. Many marches are uptempo and bright. The Vanished Army is a march to remember those who lost their lives. The muted trumpet throughout was a very prominent thing. I don’t recall exactly what Mr. Shaner said, but he eluded to the fact that it represented the echoes of the troops that had vanished and represented their bravery and heroism.
Almost every video I found on YouTube of the song was done a little faster than “march tempo” or about 120 beats a minute. I recall playing it just a tad slower, which made it sound a bit more poignant and stately. The following version is about as close to the tempo we played it. While somber, there are still many “march” qualities to the song.
Frederick Ricketts joined the military in 1895. He became well-known and well-liked as leader of the Band of the Royal Marines. He retired from the Royal Marines on June 1, 1944 because of ill health and died at his home in Reigate, Surrey, on May 15, 1945. He had given almost 50 years of distinguished service to the Crown.
While scrolling Facebook this weekend, there were lots of pictures of high school Homecoming dances and football games. Hoco, as it is now called, was one of those events I always looked forward to! I loved marching in the parade and playing the halftime show.
This morning a link to this article came up and it hit home. I cannot find an author listed, but it came from the website:
BandDirectorsTalkShop.com
What follows is the entire article. I cannot agree more with it. I know that there are many of my classmates who have band kids of their own now and they post photos of them in uniform often. I am sure they look at them knowing that they are sharing similar experiences that we did when we were in high school.
I’m sharing the article in its entirety for them and for parents with children who aren’t quite old enough to be in band yet. I hope that this conveys to them the amazing things that a band student gains from being a part of it.
Why I Want My Children To Be In Band
When I think of the character traits I want my children to develop, I think of strength, resilience, kindness, happiness, bravery, independence, balance, community, and gratefulness. Being a band director, I see how band helps students learn and develop these qualities every day.
Strength
In band, children learn to take on something difficult.
In today’s world so many things are instant; So many things are fast and easy; So many things are disposable. But learning to play an instrument is just challenging as it has always been.
Students learn delayed gratification, they learn not to give up, they learn that strength takes time and dedication and work. There are no shortcuts — which develops strength.
Resilience
The band hall is a place of expected mistakes. Students will make hundreds if not thousands of mistakes in a given class period. Millions over the course of their musical journey. Mistakes in band are not only expected; they are signs of growth.
Squeaks on a clarinet show that a student is learning to cover the holes. Cracks on a trumpet show that a student is increasing range. Missed notes on a xylophone show that a student is improving muscle memory. And because we know that mistakes and areas of improvement will never end, we know that student’s resiliency will never stop growing.
Kindness
Students in a musical ensemble are given frequent opportunities to express kindness to others.
A smile to a neighbor who performed better today than yesterday. A thumbs-up to a friend who just nailed a solo, or a hug for a friend who just bombed one. A five-minute help session with a younger band member who needs some experience. A cheering section for the beginning band or the top band.
Constant encouragement and kindness can be found in band halls every day.
Happiness
Children find happiness in many different activities. Music is one that lasts a lifetime. It allows them to put aside their worries, forget their troubles and find moments of pure joy. Whether this is happiness over an individual achievement, a perfect moment of musicality, or just having a band hall to call home, band can provide happiness when children most need it.
Bravery
Playing an instrument helps children learn to be brave.
Trying something new that is a physical as well as a personal risk can be scary. Performing by yourself for the class can be intimidating. Performing on a stage with, or without, your band friends can be terrifying. But these experiences can also be satisfying. And exhilarating. And empowering.
Learning to perform and step outside your comfort zone develops bravery.
Independence
From learning to assemble their instrument in beginning band, to performing a senior recital, students learn independence in band.
Students grow in independence every day in the band hall. Learning to take care of their equipment; learning to have their supplies; learning to come prepared to rehearsal for your own sake and for the sake of those around you; learning that what you do affects the group…
All of these opportunities to grow in independence are constant in band.
Balance
Students learn balance in band.
They learn that they are not always the most important part, but they are always important. They learn that there is a busy-season in life – a time to buckle down and work before a concert, and there is a time to breathe, to take it easy and enjoy time with their friends.
Community
Band is community.
Members learn that the part that they play may be different from the person who sits next to them, but both parts are equally important in creating beautiful music. They learn precision – that accuracy of their own part is not enough – it is equally important that they be able to play in rhythm, in sync and in tune with those around them. They learn to listen to the director, to the leaders in the ensemble, to the musicians around the room. And to thrive as a community.
Gratefulness
Watching students at final concerts is a chance to see the gratefulness they have developed because of band and music. I see students who are grateful for the opportunity to show their parents their hard work; Students who are grateful for the technique and skill that they’ve mastered; Students who are grateful for the life-long friends who are sitting beside them; Students who are grateful that – for the rest of their life – music will be a part of them.
And as a band director, I am so grateful for the privilege to watch students develop the character traits above. My wish is that my children – that all children in all band halls – develop strength, resilience, kindness, happiness, bravery, independence, balance, community, and gratefulness.
The music is what makes it possible. The challenge is what makes it possible. The dedication is what makes it possible.
Music is a great way to grow great humans.
Final Thoughts From Me
First, let me give kudos to whoever wrote this amazing piece! As a former band student, the things this band director mentions are things that I have taken with me long after graduation. They are things I have used in my life for years.
I am so glad that I had the opportunity to play an instrument under the direction of great instructors (Ron Uphoff, Lloyd Mest, and Tom Shaner) and apply those lessons learned on a daily basis. If you have a band student, you are probably seeing these things in them already. If you question whether or not to to get your child in band, I hope this article causes you to say “yes!”
It is no secret to anyone who follows my blog that I am a Band Nerd through and through! I have many wonderful memories of playing in band when I was in school. Many memories surround the high school Homecomings.
Homecoming was always on a Saturday. We’d start the day in the morning by marching in the parade. There would be an hour or so break between the end of the parade and the actual homecoming game. After the game, we’d all go home to shower and get ready for the dance that would take place that evening. It was an all day event.
Sam had mentioned earlier in the week that the homecoming parade for our local high school was tonight. We talked about taking the kids to watch it. The route is a short distance from our house, so we all dressed and loaded up the stroller and walked to get a good spot.
From where we stood, we could look down the street to see where the parade would be starting from. At 5pm on the dot, I could see the drum major leading the band out onto the main drag. Local police and fire trucks were usually at the head of our homecoming parades, but this one had the band front and center.
As the band approached, I awaited the “roll off” which would ultimately prompt the band to play the school song. The school song was always a song played on parade routes for us. There was usually one or two other songs we’d rotate through as we marched. If we were marching in a holiday parade, we might have a Christmas song in there.
The band kept coming closer and there was still no music. I figured they were waiting for a spot full of spectators before playing. Our drum majors often did this. If there was a stretch with just a few people, we marched without playing. However, if there was a big line of people along the route, you could rest assured we were playing.
Then I noticed why there was no music – the band members didn’t even have their instruments! The only ones who did were the drummers. I was floored (and disappointed) by this. It was a beautiful day – sunny and about 65 degrees at parade time – why were they not playing? I couldn’t even fathom this.
The band walked by and were all chanting or yelling something. It was probably “Go Mustangs” or “Hurray for Clio” or something like that. Why wouldn’t you want to belt out the school fight song along the route? I don’t get it. You are at the front of the parade – it’s your time to shine. You have that golden opportunity to set the stage for everything else that follows, and you just walk on by. Heck, they may as well have been throwing candy into the crowd like everyone else did in my opinion. They were no different than the boy scouts sitting on a flatbed …
When I think of a band in a parade, I think of brass players right out in front with their notes piercing through the air and letting everyone along the parade route know they are coming! They are belting out the school fight song that alumni along the road can sing along with and little kids can clap along with. Maybe it’s just a great march from John Phillip Sousa to fire up the crowd before they all file into the stands to watch the grid iron competition. The band is such an important part of a parade.
When they plan the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, they choose 10-12 high school or university bands from across the country to perform. That, in itself, tells you of the importance of the presence of a marching band in a parade. Last year in the Detroit Thanksgiving parade, there were 5 bands that performed. Even in the Mickey Mouse photo above, the characters are playing musical instruments. To me, this says that a band is vital to a good parade.
I remember vividly that our band director, Tom Shaner, would take us out at least once during homecoming week to march around the neighborhood in preparation for the parade. It was always neat to see people standing on their front porches to watch us go by. The kids who were too young to be in school would watch us and jump around and dance to the school song. Marching bands and music make people smile!
By definition, Homecoming is a long-standing American tradition where colleges and high schools would welcome alumni back to campus and the community. So when I graduated, we got some of the old band gang back together to march in the homecoming parade. Mr. Shaner was more than happy to have us back. A highlight of getting ready for the parade was meeting together a few weeks before hand to rehearse music. With all of us sitting around in the band room, it was like old times.
That first year we gathered up quite a group with good instrumentation and we marched. We used to joke that we’d need oxygen at the end of the parade! For many, we hadn’t picked up our horns in months or years! We always counted on the newly graduated to sort of carry the older folks.
A buddy’s brother designed our logo to put it on sweatshirts so we could all sort of be in uniform. What a blast we’d have getting together every year. Once Mr. Shaner retired, the interest to get together started to fade. I sure do miss playing my trumpet in those parades.
I’m not 100% sure why the local band didn’t play in the parade. Perhaps there is a specific reason. I don’t know. As a former band student, I was disappointed – not only for me, but for my kids (and all the kids on the parade route). I wanted them to hear the sounds of the band! I’m also disappointed for the band members. What is there to remember about your homecoming parade if you weren’t playing a special piece of music? Even if all you played was the school fight song 5-10 times along the route – play something! What kind of memory is just walking along? What is a marching band without music? I guess it’s just a bunch of people walking ….
I was a sophomore in high school 36 years ago. Space shuttle launches were nothing new to me, as they had done 24 launches since 1981. On January 28, 1986, the entire country watched as the first teacher (Christa McAuliffe) was on board. It was a Tuesday and it seemed like every classroom was watching the launch. 73 seconds into the launch, the shuttle exploded. The entire crew was killed.
The footage of the explosion was replayed over and over again as all the major networks did special reports throughout the day. I remember watching the footage live. I recall some silence as the explosion happened and the rocket boosters went off in different directions. I remember the cameras panning the crowd and the looks of horror and sadness on their faces.
I remember watching President Reagan address the nation that evening from the White House. I remember how much that impacted me. He truly was the “Great Communicator”: “We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved goodbye and ‘slipped the surly bonds of earth’ to ‘touch the face of God.’” Here is a wonderful article about that address to the nation:
In band class, we were rehearsing music for our Winter Concert, which was usually in early to mid February. After the Challenger disaster, a new piece of music appeared in our music folders. We probably had less than two weeks to work it up to include it in the concert. It was The Navy Hymn (Eternal Father Strong to Save).
That particular concert was going to be a busy one. Dr. Tim Lautzenheiser was visiting our band and after an extremely powerful two days worth of team building, and leadership lessons was set to conduct a few numbers. A local pastor was there to serve as emcee. A few of the songs on the program were ones that we would work up to take to Band Festival that year. With all of that going on, here was a new piece of music to learn.
We were told by our band director, Tom Shaner, that we were adding it to honor those lost in the Challenger disaster. It was not a difficult piece to play. We were told that our emcee was going to do some sort of narrative over the music as we played the song. Up until a few days before the concert, we had no idea what he was going to say. We brought him in to rehearse the song with us so he could be sure that the timing of it worked out.
I don’t recall what he said word for word, but somewhere I am sure a member of the band had the cassette recording of that concert. I remember it being an very moving tribute. What I remember most was when he read off each of the crew member’s names. Hearing them over the music that we were playing was very emotional for sure. It was the perfect tribute and I doubt there was a dry eye in the auditorium.
I don’t recall if it was the following day, or the following week, but I remember that the pastor who served as our emcee for that show passed away suddenly soon after that concert. It was so sad, but that amazing narrative was saved for many to hear on those cassette tapes. It was a concert I won’t soon forget.
The song says, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” but for some, it isn’t. Some are dealing with grief and the loss of a loved one and I tend to think that the holidays make that grief a bit more difficult than it already is.
I have written about death and grief before. In reflecting on events of the past few days and past few months, I was moved to revisit an old blog and write again on the subjects.
Back in August, a classmate passed away from Covid-19. This week, one of my dearest friend’s brother passed away. Both were under 55.
In a previous blog, I wrote: I understand that death is a part of life. I am reminded of a quote from my psychology class that said, “The hardest part of losing someone isn’t having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them – always having to fill the void, the emptiness that’s left inside your heart when they go.” This is so true. Leo Buscaglia said, “Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time.” Also true. Bruce Lee, who died at the young age of 32, said, “If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.”
That blog was written after another friend of mine passed away unexpectedly at 47. I talk about how precious time is and how death and time often tie together. I mention in that blog that “life” also ties in with time and death. “Live every day as if it were your last. Someday, you’ll be right.” That quote was written on the band room announcement grease board some 33 years ago by our band director, Tom Shaner and it will always remain with me.
Every year, I would look forward to the Shaner’s Christmas card. They often would share photos and a yearly recap. Tom would always scribble a little note off to the side of the card to me and sign it “TRoy.” Tom passed away a couple days before Christmas last year. Today, the Shaner Christmas letter arrived, this time with a hand written note from his wife. She continues to grieve, as do the rest of his family.
At the end of her letter, she included a quote that I have never seen before, but found to be absolutely perfect. I wanted to share it here because I know many others who are grieving this holiday season. The quote reads: “When we lose someone we love, we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind.” (Unknown)
That quote is SO VERY TRUE! It can apply to someone who you have lost recently or many years ago. It also ties in with the last quote I used in my previous blog about life, death, and time. The blog reads: The late author Terry Pratchett says this: “No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.”
Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one or friend who has passed away recently, or a long time ago – every time you think of them there are ripples. Every story you tell, there are ripples. Every smile they bring to your face, there are ripples. They live on and their love lives on – and the ripples continue….
The saying goes, “Hindsight is 2020,” and many of us are rejoicing that 2020 is really truly behind us! I often wonder if you were to make a list of positives and negatives of the past year, would one outweigh the other? What about 10-15 years ago? Was that just as bad, but we only choose to remember the good things from that year? I don’t know the answers to those questions.
In talking with my youngest son this weekend, he was talking about the last year and listing all of the bad things from it. I told him that is really is easy to see the bad things, the negatives, or the sadness we experienced. I challenged him to try to find some positives among the negatives. As we drove back to my house, we were able to do that. I told him it isn’t always easy to find those positives, and sometimes there may not be any, but to always look for them.
December 31, 2019
As the world awaited 2020’s arrival there was great excitement. Many said, “This is going to be MY YEAR!” Others looked at the new year as a clean slate from 2019 (which they wanted to be over). I recalled the quote from country singer Brad Paisley, who said, “Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book, write a good one.” We looked at 2020 as a year of happiness, recovery, new opportunities, new adventures, and so much more! 2020 had other plans.
2020
Looking back at 2020, the absolute high point was the birth of our daughter, Ella. NOTHING tops this moment! The blog announcing her birth was one of the most read of the year.
My first daughter. Daddy’s little girl. My wife, Sam, was just amazing throughout the delivery. It was the first time I had witnessed natural child birth and I was in awe of everything. My heart was overflowing with happiness. What a day!
This month, Sam and I were talking about what to do for her first birthday. With Covid, there is not a whole lot we can do. We are probably not going to throw the big party we wanted to, but we are working out plans for something special to mark the occasion.
Covid-19
I can’t even imagine if Ella had been born a few weeks later. By the time March arrived, the whole world was talking about Corona virus and Covid-19. Everything started to shut down in an attempt to “flatten the curve.” Our sleep labs closed and we were deployed to the hospital Labor Pool. During my time there, I heard stories and witnessed things I will sadly never forget. With a new baby at home, my constant worry was that I would bring it home to her. I eventually snapped. The doctor called it Acute Stress Disorder and she took me off work. I was out on FMLA for 6 weeks.
Finding the positive in a negative – I got to spend 6 weeks with my daughter. There are countries that allow both parents to stay home with their newborn child for a year when they are born. I wish the United Stated allowed that. There are so many wonderful moments that happen in that first year. It is a shame that we have to go back to work while our babies are still so young.
Another positive: As the curve flattened, I officiated my first wedding for my friend, Theresa from high school. To say I was nervous is an understatement, but all went well and I didn’t mess anything up too bad. It was nice to see other friends from high school at the wedding, too. It was a bit weird, as there were many masks in the crowd, but that had kind of become the “norm.”
Division and hate
2020 brought more division and more hate. There has always been division in politics, but it seems that both parties hatred for each other was over the top. I’ve heard a lot of mudslinging in ads, but the stuff being said was brutal. The politicians seem to have forgotten who they are supposed to be representing and working for – the people of the country!
Everyone was offended by everything in 2020. Social media was full of arguments, name calling, and much more. Really, the media just continued to “feed” the public and make everyone more angry than they were to begin with. Jim Morrison of the Doors once said, “Whoever controls the media, controls the mind.” Noam Chomsky takes it a little further:
I had to finally stop watching the news, and scroll past so many posts from friends. I couldn’t take it. It is totally ok for you to be passionate about your beliefs and your political stance. If it is different than my stance or beliefs, that’s ok, too. You and I can agree to disagree. I was saddened that so many friendships were broken because of the difference of opinion. Friendships that have lasted 30+ years ended because of this, and that breaks my heart. If only more people thought like Thomas Jefferson:
Blog Milestones and Hits and Misses
In 2020, I celebrated two years of blogging. I wrote my 300th blog. I still wrote many movie blogs and music blogs. The music blogs slowed as I started to neglect Tune Tuesday. I tried something new with Friday Movie Quotes, but that didn’t seem to go over too well, so I stopped. Most of my blogs were ramblings about my life and of course, my daughter.
The other blog that got a lot of views was my recent blog about the loss of my friend, and high school band director, Tom Shaner. I posted a link to this on my Facebook, and his daughter also shared it, so many people I didn’t even know read it. I received a private message from his brother who told me that he really appreciated my blog and how it enlightened him on the impact he had on his students. When I finished writing that blog, I didn’t think it did him any justice, but that private message proved otherwise.
Conclusion
As I look back on 2020, I see life’s “circle.” The high point of the year was the birth of my daughter, while the low point of the year was the passing of my friend, Tom. Life and death. A new life enters the world, while an old one leaves the world. Happiness and sadness. As life moves on, the circle continues. We see new births and new deaths.
A pastor once told me that birth is the beginning of death. You begin to die the moment you are born. There is truth to that. So as we look on the new “book” that is 2021, and we begin to write on the blank pages, let’s try to remember the words of actor Michael Landon:
Various Ramblings of a Nostalgic Italian 