Crazy Day or Two

So Tuesday night, we headed down to the hotel near the hospital where I prepped for my colonoscopy. I was up the majority of the night for obvious reasons.

When I finally did fall asleep, I was awakened by noises from a huge thunderstorm. Debris was hitting the hotel windows, the thunder was loud and lightning was bright. I was able to fall back to sleep, but had to be up at 3am to finish the rest of the prep.

When I woke up, I was surprised to see that a tornado had touched down where I used to live. As a matter of fact, I learned that it actually went through the back yard of my sister-in-law’s house! It destroyed one of the parks in the area among other things.

Needless to say, many people lost power. At last check, there were no fatalities, but there was plenty of damage. One Facebook post read, “Ok, who had February tornadoes on their 2024 Bingo card?!”

When they called me back to get ready, the staff I worked with was top notch. The first nurse and I could have been twins, and one of his coworkers told us that! The nurses kept me laughing and before I knew it, I was coming out of the anesthesia.

I guess my procedure went well. I was happy that the doctor’s report noted that “The quality of
the bowel preparation was excellent.” Good Job, Keith!! LOL They removed something that they are looking at and I will have results soon. Praying all is good.

Looks like I’ll be going in for an upper GI scope soon. They want to check out something else. At least the prep for that scope is a whole lot easier!!

This morning, I had my eyes examined. I guess it has been two years. My prescription is about the same, but needed tweaking. I’ll have new specs in a couple weeks. I did take advantage of grabbing some prescription sunglasses because they had a good deal on them.

You know, I got out of radio because I was sick of management changes and such. Every time that happened, everyone got fired or shuffled around. I thought I was done worrying about things. Not so.

Since I have moved to afternoons, my demeanor is happier, my blood pressure is down, and the stress levels are manageable. However, while I was off yesterday, I found out that there were major changes in our company. There were many people in big positions let go. There will be new job postings and many of us are worried as to what might happen.

I guess that is the natural thing to do – worry. I also know that worry can make things worse. I just hope and pray that whatever happens, I still have a position and that things here remain as pleasant as they have been. Sending up many prayers about this ….

Prompt: Nighttime Rituals

A few of the blogs I follow posted this yesterday. I guess there is a Throwback Thursday prompt each week by a couple sites I cannot remember off the top of my head. I thought this was a very neat set of questions to think back on and answer. After I publish this, I will go back and try to find the names of the original poster of these.

(UPDATED) The authors of the original post is Maggie, at From Cave Walls, and Lauren, at LSS Attitude of Gratitude. The idea of the prompt is for them to give us a topic and for us to write a post in which we share our own memories or experiences about the given topic. This week, Maggie asks us about our nighttime rituals growing up.

This week’s prompt is: Nighttime Rituals

You can either free write using these questions as inspiration or answer the questions as they are.

Did you share a room with a sibling, or did you have a room of your own?

I recall doing both. There were times that my brother and I shared a room and times where we had separate rooms. I remember when we first moved to separate rooms being a bit scared of the dark (and probably being alone). I used to get up and turn the hall light on all the time. Then there were times that I’d call to my brother and have him come in my room, or vice versa.

There were plenty of times were we’d be up screwing around and laughing, which would ultimately cause my dad to have to get up from the living room and yell at us to stay in bed. I don’t know that my dad ever really had the chance to watch a show at night when we were in separate rooms. It seems like he was always coming in to yell at us.

Did you resist going to bed or did you go willingly?

My dad may disagree with me, but I think I went to bed willingly most nights. I think the issue was staying in bed. I’m sure that there were times I resisted, but I don’t recall many times where I fought to stay up.

Did someone put you to bed, tuck you in, or read you a bedtime story?

I am sure as a toddler my mom or dad read me bedtime stories. I remember many of them and have read those to my own kids at bed time. I remember my dad reading us Babar the elephant stories for some reason.

I guess both parents kind of alternated in putting us to bed. I recall my dad always putting us to bed after birthdays and Christmas. He always asked if we got what we wanted and if we had a good day.

Was there a religious component, like prayers, to your nighttime routine?

I remember saying prayers at night. As a kid it was usually the “Now I lay me down to sleep” prayer. At some point that began to freak me out. The line “If I shall die before I awake” began to scare me a bit.

As I got older and realized that prayers didn’t have to be repetitive and such, I actually began to pray and have a conversation with God. Those times meant more than the ones I said just to say them.

Did you go to sleep immediately, or lie awake?

I fooled around a lot. I almost never went right to sleep. I remember having a flashlight next to my bed or under my pillow. I would sometimes grab a book and read it with the flashlight on. I also had a small hand held radio with one of those white ear buds that only went in one ear.

I would plug it in and fall asleep listening to the radio – maybe a Tigers game or just music. Later, I had a portable cassette player and I would listen to Old Radio Shows like Fibber McGee and Molly, Dragnet, Jack Benny or Suspense.

Did you ever sleepwalk?

Not to my knowledge.

Did you remember having dreams? If you dreamed, did you ever have bad dreams? Do you remember any dreams specifically?

I do remember dreaming. I recall many times I would have bad dreams and end up crawling into bed with my folks, or my brother. The one dream I have had for years is the “tornado dream” which I blogged about before. You can read it here:

Recurring Dreams

Were you afraid of the dark? Did you sleep with a nightlight or sneak into your sibling’s or parent’s room at night because you were afraid?

Yes. I’m not sure why, but I was very afraid of the dark. I always had a nightlight. I remember when my brother and I had to spend the night at my grandma’s house, they slept in complete darkness and I remember being scared to death. I was always used to hearing my folks up watching TV or talking on the phone. My grandparents would go to be when we went to bed. Complete darkness and eerie quiet. I heard all kinds of noises.

I often snuck into my brothers room or vice versa. Going into my parent’s room was not unheard of either.

Did you have or attend sleepovers or slumber parties?

I remember having sleepovers with a few friends as a young kid. Sometimes I went to their house and sometimes they came to mine. I remember having friends over to watch movies and such. As a teen, I remember one sleepover where a bunch of friends came over and we all slept in a tent in the back yard. My dad wound up cooking a HUGE breakfast for all of us.

How about you? What are your answers to the questions? I’d love to hear them.

One Photograph – Your Memories

I have a blog that I want to write, but can’t really bring myself to do it emotionally. I’m still trying to sort through the feelings and the best way to write about it. So, today, I have opted to go to the Daily Writing Prompts to find my blog topic.

Today’s Prompt:

“One Photograph – Glance through some old pictures. Write about the one that brings back fond memories.”

As a Nostalgic Italian, almost every picture causes me to reflect on it and remember the moment. The one that jumped out at me today was from when I was about 6 years old.

My Brother and I in front of Grandpa’s truck.

The photo above was taken in Ohio. It was taken on our trip to King’s Island. My folks, my brother and me all packed up my grandpa’s camper and went down for a family trip to King’s Island and Sea World.

The first thing that stands out in the picture is the shirts that my brother and I are wearing. It must have been Summer of 1976. Americans were celebrating the country’s 200th birthday that year. I am guessing that elementary schools throughout the country all ordered the same shirts only with their school’s name on them. I say this because while we were on this trip, there was a family that were wearing the same shirts sitting and eating at a table. I remember getting up and walking around in front of them until the mom said, “Hey! Nice shirt!”

I don’t recall how many days we were there, but at least one day was rainy. Other photo’s from the trip show my brother and me in jackets and the King’s Island “bucket” hats.

While we walked around, they had many of the cartoon characters walking around the park. The gang from the Banana Splits were out and we got a picture with one of them. I believe my brother hates this picture, but I thought it was funny.

I remember riding a lot of the kiddie rides there. One ride had you sitting in a boat and we went through this tunnel with all kinds of characters in it. The photo is long gone, but I remember asking my dad to take a picture of these two skeletons dancing. One had on a top hat. It was one of my favorite pictures, but it was lost in a move probably.

Going back to the weather, I remember this trip scaring the heck out of me. After we went back to the camper, it began to rain hard and then a strong thunderstorm came through. Along with it, came tornado warnings. The four of us were all inside my grandpa’s camper and I was scared to death. I was terrified of tornadoes (thanks to my grandma) and I thought one was going to come through and pick us up in the camper! It was crazy. That wind was tossing us back and forth and it was the worst storm I had ever lived through.

It’s funny how one picture can bring back so many memories. This was the only time I’ve ever been to King’s Island. A buddy was just there last weekend and posted pictures on his Facebook page. As I looked at the other photos from MY trip, I have to believe that Fred Flintstone is no longer there and the Banana Splits have probably been replaced with Sponge Bob or some newer character.

It may just be time for me to take the family there for a trip! Now, if I can only get someone to make me that shirt in a bigger size….

“Bad Days Build Better Days”

I don’t feel like blogging. I don’t feel like being here. I have so many thoughts running through my mind. I feel like my insides are being torn apart. I am sad and want to cry. I am mad and want to scream. I am tired and need to sleep. I am frustrated and don’t know what to do. I am a huge mess. I don’t feel like blogging, but maybe it will be good to just vent.

I keep telling myself all the things that have helped me over the past 4 years:

“Control what you can control.”
“Never let a bad situation bring out the worst in you. Be strong and choose to be positive.”
“Stay Positive – better days are on the way.”
“Let it go.”
“Pay no attention to toxic words. What people say is often a reflection of themselves, not you.”
“Life becomes easier when you delete the negative people from it.”
“You never fully see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.”
“Let people do what they need to do to be happy, mind your own business and do what you need to do to make you happy.”
“Forget the negative and focus on the positives.”

Man, that’s just a handful of quotes that have helped in the past. To a degree, they helped a little today. Basically, though, as I thought on them, all I could say was, “I know.” It was just extremely hard to follow the instructions in those bits of wisdom.

Once Upon a Time – A Fairy Tale

In life we all have monsters or ogres that cause us trouble. The ogre in my life was working overtime over the past 48 hours. My days consisted of text messages, e-mails, phone calls, and communication from the ogre and its believers. To say that those things have exhausted me is an understatement.

As I thought about ways to describe my ogre, I was immediately reminded of the biblical person of the Antichrist. If you are unfamiliar with him, all you need to know is that this person is set to come in very peaceably, speaking kind words, promising to get things right, and leading people astray in belief of his lies. Then, this peaceful man will seek to destroy the world. He will do terrible things. My ogre is like that.

“If it is easier on you …” “Oh, that’s no trouble at all….” “I’m glad to help you with that …” and then, when the time is right, it turns on you. Suddenly, everything you thought was being done in kindness, is used against you. Things that you thought you’d agreed on, are now twisted and turned to make you look bad. The ogre begins to spread lies, and telling half truths to make situations look like something they are not. The narcissistic ogre is like a category 5 hurricane or an EF-5 tornado, looking to destroy anything in it’s path, while looking angelic to it’s followers.

What is truly sad is the effect that this has on the innocent. The pawns in the beast’s game of chess. These poor clueless pawns are brainwashed by the control of its words. They say if you tell someone something enough, whether it is true or not, they will start to believe it, despite no proof. The manipulation and the subtle way that the ogre controls these pawns is invisible to those under the spell of its black magic. Woe unto those poor souls!

If the ogre only affected me, I think I would be able to cope with things more. However, the ogre is a powerful beast. It knows how to work its way into my circle. It not only affects me, but my friends and family. It is not happy unless it is making others unhappy. I’ve seen this first hand. It’s not just with me as the ogre loves to cause trouble in the lives of others. Planting seeds which causes others to argue, gossip, or throw someone’s life into chaos. Once the seed takes root, the ogre sits back and watches the madness, the struggles, the anger, and chaos with great delight. How sick is this beast that it gets such pleasure by hurting and destroying others?!

Sadly, the ogre is not something I can just cut out of my life, though I wish I could. The ogre will be around for some time. Perhaps there is some mythical creature that can be used as a mediator, but alas, I have not found it. I’ve never felt like my life was that entertaining, but it seems like it must be, as the ogre spends a lot of time worried about me and what I am doing. All I can do is to continue to pray that with time, the ogre will leave me alone and find someone else to focus its attention on.

The End – I hope.

As they used to say on old radio shows – Any similarity to persons living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Scarlett O’Hara

Though I have never seen Gone With The Wind all the way through, I am familiar with quotes from the movie. I’d like to close with one. While today was a bad day, I have to remember what Scarlett O’Hara said, “…tomorrow is another day.”

Recurring Dreams

dreams

As someone who works as a sleep technologist, I am often asked about dreams. Why do we dream? Can dreams really tell the future? What do dreams mean? The list of questions I get asked about dreams is a long one. There are many schools of thought about dreams. Take a psychology class and just the thoughts of famous psychologists alone could fill a book! The most common question I get asked about dreams is in regards to recurring dreams. “Do you ever have recurring dreams?” Yes. Yes, I do. “Why do we have those?” I have no idea. I wish I did.

I’ve never been one to put too much faith into “dream interpretation.” To me, it seems like it is often just someone’s opinion. Sometimes they make sense, but most of the time they just seem like some generic thing – like a horoscope. I may be wrong, and maybe there is something to it, but I really haven’t found it to be that way.

Recurring Dream #1

I have been having this one dream off and on for years, probably since I was about 10 years old. My brother and I are out in the backyard. Sometimes it is at our first house (at least I think that’s where it is), most of the time, however, we’re at my mom and dad’s. The old dog house that was there when we moved in is still in the back corner. The swing set is in the middle of the yard. It is no bigger than an average backyard.

While we are outside, the wind begins to pick up and dark clouds roll in. My mother will stick her head out the sliding glass door and call for us to come in because of storms. As I look up in the sky, a funnel cloud begins to form. (FYI: My grandmother told me all kinds of stories about tornadoes, which left me forever terrified of them) It is at this point that my brother and I begin to run toward the house. As we run, the yard begins to get bigger and bigger. It is like I am running and the house is moving farther and farther away.

tornado

My brother is running behind me and I am holding his hand. I keep looking behind us as the funnel cloud begins to turn into a tornado. It is windier and we are fighting to get to the house. We get to the swing set and we are being pulled off the ground by the funnel. We are literally hanging on to the bars of the swing set so we won’t get sucked away by the tornado. My mom is screaming to us, but cannot get to us. As I lose my grip on the swing set – I wake up.

Recurring Dream #2

This is one that I have a bit more frequently than the tornado dream. I mentioned it on Facebook once and was surprised that I wasn’t the only one to have this kind of dream. This one is the “band dream.”

HallerneBandRoom

While there are many variations of it, they are always very similar in nature: (1) I forgot my instrument at home and my band director is going down the line making every one play individually. (2) I have my instrument, but didn’t practice the piece and the band director is going down the line making everyone play individually. (3) I have my instrument, but don’t have my music folder. (4) I have my music folder and my instrument, but I suddenly cannot play the song we are working on.

The variations can also take place in different places: (1) Sometimes we are rehearsing in the band room. (2) Sometimes we are on stage at a concert. (3)Sometimes we are playing at band festival. (4) Sometimes we are on the football field and we are in marching band. (5) Sometimes we are marching in a parade.

Our band director was a man who I had great respect for. I think we all did. He was a good leader and taught us many lessons. He was strict and stern. You always tried to be prepared for class. Sometimes you weren’t and he knew it. I remember this one song that had a simple chromatic scale at the beginning of it. It was a fast tempo song, so if you didn’t practice it, you could easily blow it. We all started the song, started it again, and again until finally he pulled out the grade book and made every one of us play it. You either played it right and passed or played it wrong and failed. I failed it.

In the dream, all the old band classmates are there. I can’t really look at them and say what year it is. Many times its just all the people who were in band at one time or another. There is often things going on that are just weird – like bubbles coming out of clarinets or water coming out of the tuba. Many times we are rehearsing songs I remember playing while in band. Other times we are working up songs I have never heard. Sometimes famous people are in the dream rehearsing with us. There is no specific or common ending to the dream.

While this dream can often cause me to feel anxiety, I usually wake up from the “band dream” chuckling at the absurdity of what was in it. I also wake wishing that I could go back to those days when I still played well. I can barely make a sound on my trumpet today. I miss playing in band. It was, one of my favorite things about high school.

Sweet Dreams

I probably have one or two other recurring dreams, I just forgot them right now. I’ll remember them after I have them. I don’t know what makes me dream these same dreams. I don’t know what prompts them. I have always found dreams to be very cool. They can be very real! They can make you feel real emotions. Every once in awhile, they can be a little too real.

Other times, a dream, which you can’t explain, can make you look back at it and wonder. I had one of those too. When I was going through my divorce, I had a ton of stress. I woke up crying one night after having a dream. I dreamt my mom was talking to me. I was upset. She looked at me and said, “It’s going to be alright, honey. You are going to come out of this and things will be just fine.”

She was right!

What are your thoughts on dreams? I’d love to hear them.

dreamy face