My Funny Valentine Story

I like to bring Sam flowers. It’s nice that you can go to almost any grocery store and find them. They’re far from the quality you’d get from a florist, but they are perfect for an “I was thinking of you today” gesture.

Anytime someone purchases something from our bank account, we get a text message. So I grabbed a few bucks out of the savings account to buy her flowers. I ordered them online earlier in the week, to be delivered today. I thought it would make her day to open the door to flowers.

Well, then I found out she had to be away from the house for a few hours. I asked her when she’d be back. Once I got the time, I called the florist. I told them she’d be gone from around 11am to 3pm and to deliver them after that.

About 10:45 this morning, Sam gathers up the kids and heads out the door. I strip off my clothes to jump in the shower for work. That’s when I hear a knock at the door. I assume that my wife forgot something, but the door is unlocked. So I walk to the door to see the flower lady walking away. I yell, “Hold on one second, I’ll be right back.”

I threw some pants and a shirt on and go to the door. The lady said, “I knew she would be gone around 11, and I wanted to catch her before she left. I tried to flag her down as she was driving.” She explained that as she was waiting to turn on our street she saw them backing out of the driveway. She tried to wave at them to have her stop so she could give her the flowers, but my wife kept driving. I laughed and told her I couldn’t wait to hear what my wife had to say about that.

Sure enough, as I was driving in to work, my wife called. “Did someone stop by our house after I left?” I lied and said, “No, why?” She goes on to explain that some woman she didn’t know had rolled her window down and was waving at her as she was driving down the street. She says, “I have no idea who this crazy lady is, so I kept going. Then I think she pulled into our drive way! What the heck was that all about?!” I told Sam that I had jumped in the shower when she left, so I didn’t hear anything. (Valentine’s lies are allowed, right?) She said, “It was so weird, it’s going to bug me all day now.”

I set her flowers on the mantle where I knew she’d see it when she got home. Once she saw them, she realized what happened.

Earlier in the week, she said to my kids, “Do you know Daddy hasn’t asked me to be his Valentine yet!?”

I told her I thought when we got married, it was understood that we were lifelong Valentines! She was saying, “Oh no, you have to ask and bring candy and special gifts.” So I asked, “What do I do for Valentine’s Day if I have already brought you candy and special gifts?” There was a long pause and the reply was, “Bring more candy and special gifts?!”

Anyway, in the card, I had to poke fun at what she told the kids. So I had them write: