April is National Humor Month. In an effort to spread laughter and a few smiles, I wanted to share a few of my favorite jokes from Soupy Sales. In the late 80’s he had a syndicated show called “The Soupy Sales Moldie Oldies Show” and each week featured a “Joke of the Day.” The following jokes were featured on that show:
A stockbroker is suffering from a recurring ringing in his ears and he goes to the doctor who recommends that he have his tonsils removed. He has them removed, but it doesn’t help. He goes to a second doctor who advises him to have his teeth pulled. This too fails and the ringing continues.
He goes to a third doctor, a specialist, who says, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but you are suffering from a rare disease and at best, you have six months to live.”
Since the guy has no relatives to whom to leave his money, he decides to spend every cent he has. He books passage for a trip around the world. He goes to the best tailor in town and orders twenty handmaid suits. He finds a shirt maker and has twenty shirts made to order.
The shirt maker starts taking all the measurements and says, “Thirty-four sleeve. Sixteen Collar.” The stock broker says, “Excuse me, that should be fifteen.” The shirt maker responds and says, “Sixteen collar, look here at the tape measure.” The broker says, “That can’t be. I’ve always worn a fifteen collar and THAT’S what I want!”
The shirt maker replies, “Ok, but you’ll get a ringing in your ears!”
A Newlywed Joke
A young husband just married a couple of weeks comes home from a really hard day at the office. And as soon as he comes in, he falls down on the couch and he is just exhausted.
His bride comes in and looks at him very sympathetically and says, “My darling, you look so tired and so hungry. How would you like a nice steak smothered in onions, vegetables, baked potato, and some delicious pie a la mode?”
The weary new bridegroom looks up at his wife and says, “Not tonight, honey, I’m too tired to go out!”
It’s All About the Money
A guy is at a bar after office hours and he says to his friend, “Boy, I just have to have another drink before I go home. My wife is on my back from the moment I get home till I leave the next day about money. She’s always nagging me about money. Last week she wanted two hundred dollars. The day before yesterday, she wanted a hundred dollars. This morning, she asked for another hundred and fifty dollars!”
And his friend says, “Wow! That’s awful. What could she possibly do with all that money?”
And the guy says, “I don’t know, I never give her any!”
A Heavenly Funny
(Note: To my church and Bible friends, I know how doctrinally wrong this is. Keep in mind, it’s just a joke.)
There’s a bus loaded with women and they’re returning from a church worker’s convention. There is an accident, the bus overturns and all the women are killed. Now they all go to heaven and St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and explains that heaven is full and that he’s going to have to put them up in hell until the new subdivision is completed.
Three weeks later, the devil frantically calls up St. Peter and begs him, “PLEASE! Take these women off my hands!!”
St. Peter says, “I can’t I’m still waiting for them to finish this subdivision. I’m still having housing troubles!”
And the devils says, “Troubles?! You don’t know what trouble is!! With all of their cake bakes, bingo games, rummage sales and bazaars, these women are only forty dollars short of air conditioning this place!”
Happy National Humor Month!
Keep Smiling! Keep laughing!