I was forced to do a bit of clean up to one of my social media accounts today.
I am not really sure how I missed this one particular person when I went through the “followers” previously, but I did. This follower decided to make themselves known by commenting on a post I made. By doing so, I again went through the followers and deleted (and blocked) those who are full of hatred and negative energy.
I know that it is only a quick fix. I would not put it past you to create fake accounts with fake names and follow me that way. I wouldn’t put it past you to recruit others to spy for you. On Facebook and other social platforms, I can keep on blocking – and no doubt, you know about it. I am sure that once the block happened today, it was the talk of the day! One less connection to feed you things to gossip about. Don’t be hurt that I blocked you (and others before you). They were the first to block me as I recall.
At What Point Do You Move On?
That’s a good question. There are other questions that I can pose as well. Does your new man realize that you are probably spending more time on me and what I am doing than him? Are you that desperate to know what I am doing that you need to have your friends stalk my page? You claim that I am playing the “victim”, but isn’t what you have been doing for years? You have everything you ever wanted now. With all the time you spend focusing on me and my life, when will you ever open your eyes to enjoy what you have?
I have to believe that your friends, your man, and your family would be sick of hearing about me by now! Maybe they are just like you, however, and take joy in being miserable and making others miserable. You are the great manipulator. You have them all believing what you want them to believe. You have done no wrong in anything. You must control every situation and get what you want when you want it. You will do whatever you have to do or say to get people to believe you, stand with you, and buy into your narcissistic world.
Do yourself, your friends, and your family a favor – MOVE ON!
Misery loves company. It also must love jealousy, and toxicity. All I need in my life is my children and those who love me.
All 8 of those things should sound familiar to you – as you fit every single one of those things!
Take a look around your circle of “friends” or “family” for that matter – you love to talk about every one of them when they are not around. The backstabbing and gossip that happens to people who are not there is brutal and venomous! I wonder if they have any idea that you wear a different face when you are with them? You have to know that they do they same thing to you when you are not there. Each of you have two or more faces. Oh well, let them be the subject of your evil and selfish “game.”
Well, here it is – my 300th blog post. To be completely honest, I have a few more than 300, but some were kept private. So this is my 300th “published” blog. Over the past few blogs, I knew this milestone blog was coming, and wondered just how a blogger celebrates this kind of achievement. I found that most look back and reflect on stats.
I don’t know about doing that. Does it matter that the most popular day my blog is viewed is Thursday? Are you impressed that in the first 299 blogs I have written 64,488 words? Does it thrill you to know that each blog averages about 921 words? I highly doubt that means anything to you.
A Short Reflection
300 blogs. It is amazing to actually look back and see the wide variety of content that I covered since beginning this blog:
The blog is full of many posts about music – some about specific tunes (Tune Tuesday) and some filled with many songs.
There have been many blogs about television – whether it be actual shows or just theme songs.
I have also written many blogs about movies – some as part of blogathons hosted by other bloggers and some of my personal favorites.
There have been blogs about holidays from throughout the year – some contain specific memories and some are just general thoughts.
I have written special blogs to family and friends – my mom, my dad, my grandparents, my godfather, my kids, my wife, and my lifelong friends.
There have been no shortage of radio stories about listeners and coworkers.
Some blogs were just full of random thoughts and observations.
There were blogs about celebrities – some funny, some musical, some just for the hell of it.
I shared the love story of my wife and me.
I shared with family and friends the news on our miracle baby and blogged about the days that led up to her arrival.
Of course, after she was born, there have been many wonderful stories and things to share about her as she continues to grow up.
I was honored to have my brother write a guest blog for me (and hope to have more in the future).
I opened up about many personal things – my divorce, thoughts on suicide, the changes in my personal life, reflections on life and death, my faith, and so many other topics I kept to myself.
There have been some “Question and Answer” blogs that contained things asked of me by friends and family.
Looking back, I am impressed with myself. Who knew I had it in me?
If you have a Facebook, you know that they will occasionally give you friend suggestions. They will offer up “People You May Know.” Many of those suggestions stem from mutual friends. There are people that pop up and I have 65 mutual friends with them because we went to the same high school together, or we both have the same radio friends, etc…
With this blog, we don’t have that feature. However, through searching things for things like movies, TV, music, and such, I have found many bloggers that share my interests. I follow quite a few blogs and continue to add more to my “read” list. Some of those bloggers offer up personal stuff like I do on occasion. Some respond with personal stories to my personal blogs. Through that, I feel like I know many of them.
Max is a good example of this. He has blogged about things I remember and vice versa. We also share many of the same musical tastes. He actually helped me set up the index on the side of the blog. Since doing that, more of my older blogs are being read than before. We swapped e-mails and eventually phone numbers. When I called him to talk about the index and creating some pages, it was like talking to someone I had known for years. How cool is that?
After 300 blogs, I think it is important to note some of the things I have learned since the beginning. If you are a new blogger, maybe some of my observations can be useful to you.
Even with spellcheck, I make mistakes. I found going back through some older blogs that there are some typos. Some are spelling mistakes, some are grammatical. My one radio buddy, who also works for a newspaper, told me I need an editor. He then proceeded to tell me I couldn’t afford him! I need to be better at proofreading.
There really is no way to know which blogs will be popular. I have written blogs that I think will get a great response, only to see that is not the case. At the same time, I have written blogs that I feel are just “ok” topics, and had a ton of hits on it. You never really know. It hurts your ego a bit when a blog you think is great is barely read, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.
Keywords matter. I try to include as many “tags” as I can with each blog. I have found that this will ultimately lead to more followers and readers. My most read blog? It is about a scammer. I got an e-mail saying that someone noticed I spelled a word wrong and said I should download some app. With research, I found the app is actually something you want to avoid. The keyword “Scam” or “Scammer” has lead to many reading that blog and some even commenting saying that they got the same type of e-mail.
The personal blogs I wrote about suicide, divorce, staying positive, dealing with a narcissist, and depression led to many new people following this blog. Some went as far as to reach out and share their own stories about those things. You know, sometimes, it helps to know you aren’t the only one dealing with those issues.
Each blog represents a moment in time. It represents what I felt at a certain moment in time. Early on in my therapy, I was angered easily. I didn’t realize how certain things by certain people triggered it. I was not a pleasant person. Over time, I have learned to not let those things trigger anger. I have learned coping skills. I am a different person than who I was.
Think about your favorite TV show. Did you like it immediately? The first time I watched Seinfeld or Cheers, I was not impressed. Over time, I came to enjoy the shows more. At one moment in time, you may feel one way, and over time you can feel another way.
Many of my blogs are memories that I want to preserve for the future. Other blogs are about things I have observed. At the time, I felt a certain way about things – over time, my thoughts or feelings might change. It helps to keep that in perspective.
Write about what you are passionate about! Chances are if you are passionate about it, a reader will find it interesting. This same principle was suggested to me when I worked in radio. Share things that “make you feel!” Some readers love my musical blogs while some prefer my more personal ones. I am passionate about everything I write, however, not all things will appeal to everyone. Anyone who comes to this blog will see my love for all things entertainment, but also see my love for my family and my children!
Another principle from radio that translated to writing a blog is to simply “observe life.” Look around and take notice. A successful stand up comedian is one who observes little things, talks about it, and the audience says “Oh yeah! I have noticed that too!” George Carlin was a master observer! Take those things that you observe and relay them. You know the whole “which way should the toilet paper roll go on” thing was simply something that someone wondered about, right!?
I always loved the above Far Side Cartoon. It points out another lesson I have learned. Be yourself. You don’t have to agree with everything I write. That’s ok. You have a right to disagree with me. However, when I write, I’m going to be myself.
While it can sometimes feel like work, I find blogging to be fun. I enjoy writing. I also enjoy hearing from readers who comment on my blog. That’s as much fun as writing them.
There are some blogs that I just sit and write. Others (most of them), it takes time to plan out. Either way, I try to give myself time to think it through and get the flow. It takes time and sometimes, you have to MAKE time to write.
So there you have it ….
Blog #300. As a follower, I need to say thank you. I am truly glad that you are here. I always welcome your suggestions. How can I make this blog more enjoyable for you? Would you like to be a guest blogger? Please feel free to let me know. What do you like? What don’t you like? Feel free to suggest other blogs I might be interested in. Feel free to share this one with others.
Thank you so much for reading. Here is to the next 300 ….
I don’t feel like blogging. I don’t feel like being here. I have so many thoughts running through my mind. I feel like my insides are being torn apart. I am sad and want to cry. I am mad and want to scream. I am tired and need to sleep. I am frustrated and don’t know what to do. I am a huge mess. I don’t feel like blogging, but maybe it will be good to just vent.
I keep telling myself all the things that have helped me over the past 4 years:
“Control what you can control.”
“Never let a bad situation bring out the worst in you. Be strong and choose to be positive.”
“Stay Positive – better days are on the way.”
“Let it go.”
“Pay no attention to toxic words. What people say is often a reflection of themselves, not you.”
“Life becomes easier when you delete the negative people from it.”
“You never fully see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.”
“Let people do what they need to do to be happy, mind your own business and do what you need to do to make you happy.”
“Forget the negative and focus on the positives.”
Man, that’s just a handful of quotes that have helped in the past. To a degree, they helped a little today. Basically, though, as I thought on them, all I could say was, “I know.” It was just extremely hard to follow the instructions in those bits of wisdom.
Once Upon a Time – A Fairy Tale
In life we all have monsters or ogres that cause us trouble. The ogre in my life was working overtime over the past 48 hours. My days consisted of text messages, e-mails, phone calls, and communication from the ogre and its believers. To say that those things have exhausted me is an understatement.
As I thought about ways to describe my ogre, I was immediately reminded of the biblical person of the Antichrist. If you are unfamiliar with him, all you need to know is that this person is set to come in very peaceably, speaking kind words, promising to get things right, and leading people astray in belief of his lies. Then, this peaceful man will seek to destroy the world. He will do terrible things. My ogre is like that.
“If it is easier on you …” “Oh, that’s no trouble at all….” “I’m glad to help you with that …” and then, when the time is right, it turns on you. Suddenly, everything you thought was being done in kindness, is used against you. Things that you thought you’d agreed on, are now twisted and turned to make you look bad. The ogre begins to spread lies, and telling half truths to make situations look like something they are not. The narcissistic ogre is like a category 5 hurricane or an EF-5 tornado, looking to destroy anything in it’s path, while looking angelic to it’s followers.
What is truly sad is the effect that this has on the innocent. The pawns in the beast’s game of chess. These poor clueless pawns are brainwashed by the control of its words. They say if you tell someone something enough, whether it is true or not, they will start to believe it, despite no proof. The manipulation and the subtle way that the ogre controls these pawns is invisible to those under the spell of its black magic. Woe unto those poor souls!
If the ogre only affected me, I think I would be able to cope with things more. However, the ogre is a powerful beast. It knows how to work its way into my circle. It not only affects me, but my friends and family. It is not happy unless it is making others unhappy. I’ve seen this first hand. It’s not just with me as the ogre loves to cause trouble in the lives of others. Planting seeds which causes others to argue, gossip, or throw someone’s life into chaos. Once the seed takes root, the ogre sits back and watches the madness, the struggles, the anger, and chaos with great delight. How sick is this beast that it gets such pleasure by hurting and destroying others?!
Sadly, the ogre is not something I can just cut out of my life, though I wish I could. The ogre will be around for some time. Perhaps there is some mythical creature that can be used as a mediator, but alas, I have not found it. I’ve never felt like my life was that entertaining, but it seems like it must be, as the ogre spends a lot of time worried about me and what I am doing. All I can do is to continue to pray that with time, the ogre will leave me alone and find someone else to focus its attention on.
The End – I hope.
As they used to say on old radio shows – Any similarity to persons living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Though I have never seen Gone With The Wind all the way through, I am familiar with quotes from the movie. I’d like to close with one. While today was a bad day, I have to remember what Scarlett O’Hara said, “…tomorrow is another day.”
This may (or may not) be the first of a series of blogs. The idea came to me as I was looking through my blogging notebook this evening. My notebook contains various scribbles and thoughts that I think may be worthy of a blog. Sometimes these come from writing prompts, sometimes a fellow blogger’s blog can spawn an idea, and sometimes they come from random memories.
The premise of this idea is a simple one: “I wish I still had (fill in the blank).” The reason I think this could be a series is that I think there are a lot of things that could fill the “blank”. I am sure that you could do the same. As you read the statement, you probably had an item that immediately came to mind! Here is my first “blank”…
Back in the late 80’s there was a store at Eastland Mall called Suncoast Motion Picture Company. I used to visit it all the time! They had all kinds of music, movies, and memorabilia. This was back when you could buy movies on VHS and BETA tapes! I could spend hours in there. I would compare it to an FYE or Barnes and Nobel. They always had movie and TV themed shirts (much like what you would find a Spencer Gifts), books about movies, and other entertainment oriented items.
It was at Suncoast, that I purchased the first of many Three Stooges VHS tapes. Up to this point, if I wanted to watch the Stooges, I had to stay up until midnight to catch them on Channel 50, or rent them on the 8mm film projector from the public library. You could video tape them from the TV, but many times they played commercials in between shorts. With the ones I bought from Suncoast, I could watch them unedited and uninterrupted!
One of the things that Suncoast had were these Three Stooges collectible dolls that were made by Hamilton Gifts. The detail of the faces was just amazing! I don’t recall how much they cost, but I remember asking for them for Christmas that year. I remember that year, my parents got me the Moe doll. If memory serves me correctly, my aunt got me the Curly doll. I went and bought the Larry doll with my own money. They stood proudly on the shelf in my bedroom for years. When I moved out, they stood on a bookshelf in my apartment. They were always out on display.
When I got married the first time, they were still on display in the “entertainment room” which is where I kept my many books, videos, and our computer. Eventually, I was told to “find a place for them” outside of the house. I had a couple radio jobs which allowed me to display them in my office. Eventually, after losing another radio job, they came back home with me, where I was forbidden to put them on display.
Eventually, I was told by my ex that we were having a garage sale. I was to go through my stuff and we were selling it. Some things I didn’t mind parting with – the VHS movies I had on DVD were an easy purge. Little by little, she kept pulling stuff out that she wanted gone. There were things that I ended up selling that I truly regret (my first DJ rig, for example).
As the day for the garage sale drew closer, things kept getting added to the “sell” pile. When I saw my Stooge dolls on there, I blew up! I was NOT going to sell them. She insisted that I was! It became the classic “they go or I go” argument. In her magical and totally narcissistic way, she used her power of manipulation to explain I didn’t need them. By selling them, “we’d have money to pay bills and get ahead”. The sentimental value didn’t matter to her. I would say that 75% of the stuff sold at the garage sale was mine.
I remember the person who bought them. I purposely priced them high in hopes that they wouldn’t sell. The woman dickered with me on the price and talked about how her grandson loved the Stooges and so on and so forth, which made it a little easier to let them go. I can still remember that gut feeling when she walked out with them. Instant regret!
Fill in the blank – I wish I still had those Three Stooges Dolls.
I know what you are thinking – they are dolls! What the hell would I do with them today?! I don’t know. I really don’t even know where I would display them. All I know is that they meant a lot to me, and I wish I still had them – for sentimental reasons.
So this weekend, I had two things happen that made me think, then chuckle, then I smiled, reminded of just how good things are in my life. First, I was out at the store and I saw someone who is a mutual friend of my ex and me. I wasn’t going to go out of my way to say hello, and I guess I didn’t need to. You see, as soon as this person saw me, and made eye contact, they immediately looked the other way and walked away as fast as they could.
As I said, first it made me think: She’s done what all narcissists do – told a bunch of lies about me and got this person to believe them. Second it made me chuckle – we used to be good friends. They have chosen to believe the lies and had the perfect opportunity to ask me about them to my face, and decided to just run away. Finally, I smiled. I don’t need people like that in my life! Go ahead and believe whatever you want. I feel sorry for you. You, too, are caught up in the self pity party and in the fantasy story that has been told over and over to make her look good and me look bad.
The second thing that happened was via Facebook. It’s no secret that when I was in the process of making positive changes in my life, I went through my list of Facebook friends and deleted many people. I would say 80% of those people were people who were mutual friends of my ex and me. I knew that those particular people would be people who, if given the choice, would chose to remain friends with her, instead of me. No loss, really.
So this weekend I get a friend request from one of those mutual friends who I deleted. Like the first incident, it made me think – Now why on earth would they be sending me a friend request years later? I was never really that close with that person. Why all of a sudden? I was really thrown for a loop. Again, it made me chuckle – see, I recently took the deleting of friends a step further and “blocked” certain people (including a significant other), and so her spies can’t really snoop around on my page anymore. Then, I smiled again. It’s really funny to see just how her network of spies is trying to get information to bring back to her.
The narcissist is manipulative, controlling, jealous, never takes responsibility, is angry and full of rage, shifts blame, and plays themselves as the victim. They will use whoever they can to get what they want. They tell stories and falsehoods to get someone on their side, so they can use them for their own reasons. They live to take joy from others, especially others who they want to control.
To person number one – have a nice life. I’m here when you are ready to hear MY side of things.
It’s not worth my time (or yours) to rehash why I am writing this blog. It will be a short one. After an incident today, Sam (as she always does), saw a great quote that really helped me today:
“Learn to be ok with people not knowing your side of the story. You don’t have to prove ANYTHING to ANYONE.”
That quote was followed by a post from a friend on Facebook which read:
“Start ignoring people who threaten your joy. Literally – ignore them. Say nothing. Don’t invite any parts of them into your space.”
Both of these quotes were just perfect and helped me deal with a situation. While I have never been one to seek revenge on anyone, another quote I stumbled on also helped:
“Living a good life really is the best revenge. Once they acknowledge that they cannot ruin your happiness, they lose their power.”
It’s all about control. Author Jill Blakeway says it this way:
“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will seem unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth – JUST LIKE YOU DID!”
Fitting right in with that last quote:
“The sociopath fears two things. (1.) Losing control and (2.) Being exposed”
Author Daniel Chidiac says:
“When a person attempts to control someone else’s life, it only reflects the lack of control they have on their own.”
Not sure if this is true, but actor Will Smith is credited with saying:
“Haters are the people who will broadcast your failures and whisper your success”
When you break free from people who have controlled you or manipulated you for years, you have to remember that now that you are not in their life anymore, they must turn to someone else and manipulate them. There is a great truth here!
So why did I write this? To be a constant reminder to myself of how far I have come and to always remember: